


What to expect when you didn't expect anything

by Riwanon



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Autistic Castiel, Complete, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Incest, M/M, Misgendering, Trans Character, Trans Male Character, Transphobia, Unplanned Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-02
Updated: 2014-10-02
Packaged: 2018-02-19 15:37:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 45,627
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2393750
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Riwanon/pseuds/Riwanon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean's life had not been easy, but now he had started transition, was back in school and even had gotten himself a boyfriend he thought the hard part was over. Then a doctor told him he was pregnant.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my fic for the Dean/Castiel Big Bang 2014. The master post is here: http://riwanondruida.livejournal.com/1000.html

"You can go to the waiting room. The doctor will perform an ultrasound scanning to confirm it." Dean hardly heard the monotonous voice of the doctor, but he nodded anyway. When his eyes focused enough, he could see the pity on the endocrinologist face. "I advise you to call a family member or friend you trust."

Cas. Damn, he had to... he needed to call Cas. This was going to be fun. He nodded again and left the room, not stopping to even think until he was safely seated in a chair. He took the phone out of his pocket and nearly dropped it. Dean hadn't noticed his hands were trembling so badly. He breathed in and out, but that crap had never worked; he held the phone with both hands and searched for the name of the only person he wanted by his side in that moment. He breathed one last time for good measure, because at least his voice needed to remain calm.

"Dean?" Not even two tones after he pressed the button, Cas' worried voice called his name over the phone.

"Cas, I..." he couldn't get any further without his voice breaking, everything threatening to fall apart around him and no, he needed to remain strong for just one more second.

"Dean, is something wrong?"

"I need you to come to the hospital. Don't worry!" Dean said before Cas started the stream of questions. "I'm not hurt or anything. I just..."

"I'm on my way," Cas said and Dean could hear noises on the background that meant he was already walking to the door. "I'm going to need to hang up in a minute when I get in the car, but I'm here, I'm with you."

"Idiot, I don't need your phone counseling crap," Dean huffed, covering his smile. "Just get here. I... I need you here."

"I'm your companion, Dean. I want to be by your side."

And Dean hung up just on principle because, well, he surely loved Cas, but sometimes he could be too much. Dean smiled as his phone lighted up with an entering message.

Getting in the car now. 5 minutes. Love you . Cas always ended his messages, phone calls, every single interaction with a "love you". It made something inside Dean's stomach warm, but at the same time scared him beyond measure. Even if they both knew the truth, Dean has not had yet found the courage to say the same words back to him. And now... Dean's smile fell completely, becoming once again aware of his surroundings. 

A pang of regret made him wince. Maybe he shouldn't have called Cas, what gave him the right? They had only officially been going out together for six months, which wasn't all that long. And it was not like he needed help to get an ultrasound, it was just some cold gel on his stomach, some doctor confirming what he already knew because there was no way a blood test could fuck up that big, and then he could go back home. It should never have come to this anyway. It shouldn't have been possible for him to get pregnant.

***

  
  


"I can't," Cas grunted, his face burying itself in the pillow under his head. It was nice, it smelled of Dean.

"This is homework for tomorrow, Cas," Dean’s voice came directly into his ear and Cas really was grateful to have a boyfriend with such a soothing voice. Then he felt the weight of the other man settling on top of him. Cas hummed softly, the slightly crushing sensation grounding him, making feel so safe.

"I don't have the capacity to process even one word more," he grumbled.

"I could read it out loud for you, if you want. Or..." Dean's devious tone made clear his intentions. Cas couldn't help a small smile.

"Just you reading out loud would be fine, thank you."

Dean groaned, but got up and sat beside Cas, taking the book from his bed and settling it on his lap. Soon Cas was at his side with a pencil in his hand. Dean started reading slowly, making sure Cas was actually understanding every word that came out of his mouth. He didn't need to worry, Cas had his eyes fixed on the text before him, diligently underlining all the important parts. Half way through the chapter, Cas stopped him.

"I can finish later," he said and Dean's hormones sure made him imagine Cas’ tone... no, Cas' face was poetry filled with lust, blushing cheeks and shining blue eyes. This wasn’t helping Dean at all. "I'll probably feel more relax after."

"Are you gonna use me as some kind of stress sex ball?" Not that Dean would complain. Cas just furrowed his brow.

"It's not my intention to ‘use’ you, Dean," and Dean just loved how Cas used his fingers to make the quotation marks clear. "I remember you had your last shot of T three days ago and your hormones must be rampaging, giving you a higher than usual libido."

"God, Cas..." Dean made a face to hide his embarrassment and threw himself back on the bed. Since finally getting out of the hell his life had been before starting hormone therapy, he's not been shy about the fact that he's a transgender man. Cas knows when he's getting T shots and had even gone with him once. Still, knowing that Cas knows what testosterone does to him, that he knows how for a few days the only thing he can think about is humping everything that moves... he can't help feeling a bit vulnerable.

"It's okay, Dean. It's just human biology," Cas smiled brightly at him and Dean smiled back. Cas awkwardly took the book and the pencil and put them on Dean's desk, lining them with the rest of the things on the surface, so that nothing looked out of place. Dean secretly liked it when Cas did that. Dean could only think that this is how their house would be; Cas' and Dean's things together in harmony. Cas kneeled on the bed beside Dean and slowly lowered himself until they were kissing.

"I don't want you to think I'm a beast, controlled by hormones," Dean whimpered, but his hands were already on the hem of Cas' shirt, "is this okay?"

"It's okay if you take my shirt off," Cas said, but bit his lip as if he was thinking of saying something more.

"Out with it, babe," Dean prompted him. Cas nodded.

"I just feel like kissing and hugging," he said in a low voice. "Sorry."

"Cas, nothing to be sorry for. It's not like I don't have those kind of days, too." Even if he didn't, he wouldn't make Cas think he had to do something he didn't feel comfortable with, they both knew it. It saddened Dean every time Cas apologized for not wanting sex.  He could only imagine what kind of bastard Cas had been dating before him. He stopped that train of thought.  It only ever led to him wanting to punch that unknown face and, since he couldn't really do that, more frustration. He saw Cas smiling at him as his hand slowly caressed his face.

"You're too good, Dean."

"I barely reach the minimum of decent human being, to be honest," Dean laughed it off, but Cas frowned at him.

"You always think the worst of yourself, but you must believe in my words: you're good." And there it was, Cas getting all intense again with his unblinking eyes fixed on his and lips pressed together. It was always weird to find himself on the receiving end of it. Dean tugged Cas shirt so he would lean over him again.

"Didn't you want to kiss? Get on with it," Dean whispered to him and Cas didn't waste a second before getting back to the task. Dean buried his hand in Cas' hair and pulled him against him, happy with the phantom friction he was getting. Cas responded eagerly, as if wanting to make up for what he was not able to give him today. Dean thought about stopping to make sure again he was okay with it, but Cas’ hand hinting its way under his shirt took any doubt out of his mind.

"Can I touch your breasts, Dean?" Cas grumbled in his rich low voice.

"Yeah, go on," Dean moaned and Cas had sounded so goddam sexy he didn't even feel embarrassed about it. Cas' hand made his way up his shirt until the tip of one of his fingers brushed one of his nipples. Dean moaned again.

"Do you like it?" Cas asked and Dean knew that he was literally just asking to check if he was okay; but, damn, that sounded too close to dirty talking to him.

"Yes, come on, don't stop." Dean hadn't really noticed just how horny he was until now. As soon as Cas left he had an ineludible appointment with his battery powered little friends. Cas was starting to roll his shirt up and Dean couldn't look away from his dry lips, knowing what he was going to do, knowing how it would feel. And then he heard the door opening.

"Dean, I'm home!" The voice of his little brother Sam came from the front door.

"Fuck," Dean groaned, but there was nothing he could do. Cas was already sitting at the edge of the bed with a book on his lap like the perfect little student. Dean wrinkled his nose but sat up to quickly put his sport bra in its place. Not a minute after, Sam's saggy hair was sticking out of Dean's bedroom door.

"Oh, hey Cas, didn't know you were here."

"We're studying," Cas said without moving his eyes away from the book. God, Dean had told him more than once to leave all the lying to him; he was worse than terrible at it.

"Yeah, sure," Sam grinned and Dean threw him a glance that promised pain and suffering. "Make sure my brother gets all his homework done, I swear you're the only one who keeps him from failing."

"Don't you have homework of your own?" Dean spat at him.

"Where do you think I've been," Sam rolled his eyes. "Jess and I have spent the whole afternoon in the library to finish our essays."

"Jess and you alone? Somehow I don't see much work getting done," Dean threw him a grin of his own, but Sam squinted at him as he pressed his lips together.

"Some of us don't have our minds in the gutter," he stated. Before Dean could open his mouth he turned around and shouted from the aisle "Cas, you're a saint for putting up with my brother."

"Little bitch," Dean muttered. To his surprise, Cas laughed at that. "What?"

"I like your brother."

"Well, he's not bitching at you all day," Dean smiled at Cas, who just nodded at him looking a bit thoughtful.

"Come, we have to finish reading this for tomorrow."

***

  
  


Dean had already bitten all his nails and was thinking about the pros and cons of just biting at his fingers when he saw a pair of shoes and the edge of a trench coat in front of him. Dean looked up and saw that Cas was out of breath.

"Hey," Dean greeted him. Cas breathed deeply one more time, trying to come to his breath.

"Hello, Dean," he said. "What’s wrong?"

"I..." Dean gulped. He had to do this, but he couldn't, there were just not words. He breathed deeply and felt Cas hand on his shoulder, grounding him. He looked up and saw the blurry figure of Cas standing before him. Dean rubbed his eyes furiously, not believing he was really on the verge of crying. He felt Cas' finger tapping on his shoulder; damn, he had upset Cas just because he was a coward. "Hey, Cas, it's alright."

"It's me who should tell you that," Cas made a face and buried his hands in his coat pockets, where Dean knew he kept a couple of buttons to play with.

"I'm not ill or anything," Dean told him, trying to keep his voice as calm as possible. Cas nodded and breathed deeply. Dean opened his mouth, but just then a door opened.

"Winchester, Deanna?" A nurse called and both of them winced at the same time. Making a face, Dean stood and held his hand in front of Cas. He quickly held it in his, even though Dean could still feel his thumb moving up and down.

"Me," he said and the nurse gave him that look. Whatever, she wasn't the first and wouldn't be the last until he could get his fucking legal name changed. They followed the nurse to a room where a smiling doctor waited for them. Dean hated her at first sight. As soon as they stepped in she looked in confusion to them both before picking up a file she had on her table.

"Hello, I'm Doctor Perez. So, let's see. Deanna Winchester, 19 years old. Oh," some kind of enlightenment rose on her face. "You came for a routine checking on your hormones levels and your endocrinologist found some irregularity and thinks you could be pregnant. I assume you don't go by the name in your file, right?"

"No, I'm Dean," he muttered as he felt Cas' hand clenching on his. Dean turned to look at his face, but it was just as devoid of expression as always. He sighed, frustrated by how it was still so difficult to know what was going through his boyfriend's mind.

"Okay, Dean, sit there while the radiologist gets the machine here," she said with a smile. Maybe she wasn't so bad after all. When he hopped on the stretcher he saw Cas standing next to him, his eyes fixed on Dean's hands. Dean wanted to say something, to tell him everything was gonna be okay, but he couldn't lie to Cas like that.

"Cas? You with me?" Dean asked instead with a smirk on his lips. Cas' eyes immediately went to his face and, after a second of hesitation, he took Dean's hand in his.

"Always," Cas said in such a solemn tone that in any other circumstance Dean would have rolled to the floor laughing. Instead, he nodded still wondering what had he done so right to end up being friend and partner to such an amazing guy like Cas.

"You can freak out, you know," Dean reminded him, but Cas just gave his hand a gentle squeeze.

"I think is better if we freak out just one at a time," Cas whispered to him.

Dean was going to remind him, as ironically as it would be, that showing emotions was not a burden to the people around him; that if he was pregnant, it would be Cas' child and, therefore, Cas' matter, too. The door opened and another doctor pulling some kind of trolley with a screen on it entered the room. Before she could look up, the gynecologist took her aside to exchange a couple of whispered words with her. Dean sighed in relief, grateful to the doctor.

"Hi, Mister Winchester. I'm Doctor Helene," she was quite lively and had one of her ears pierced from top to bottom. Dean smiled at her. "I'm going to need you to pull your shit up a bit. That's it. Now, this is going to be a bit cold."

Dean winced when the gel hit his skin, but he was too nervous to really care about it. One of his hands was firmly clasping the bottom of his shirt, making sure it didn't ride further than the edge of his binder; the other, secured among Cas' fingers. Both boys had their eyes glued to the still black screen. Once the gel was properly laid on his belly, the doctor took one of the wands and started running it across his skin. Dean and Cas were both holding their breath as shadows and shapes started to show on the screen. The gynecologist was studying it with great attention, slowly nodding to herself. Dean wanted nothing more than to escape from that room and never hear the word pregnancy again.

"There you go," said the radiologist and the other doctor nodded as she walked even closer to the screen.

"This here," she pointed at a tiny circle in the middle. "I would say it's a five, maybe six weeks old healthy embryo."

Dean nodded, but his mind was completely blank. He felt as if something had swallowed every feeling out of him, leaving him raw and empty. An embryo was the confirmation: he really was pregnant. He was pregnant. How could have he gotten himself pregnant? He hadn't had a period since months ago, wasn't that the way it happened?

Cas tugged his hand and he saw they had cleaned the jelly mess from his belly and the doctor was signaling them to go to her desk. Dean let Cas lead him, not really hearing much. She had taken some pamphlets from her shelves that he accepted without even looking at them. The doctor was saying something about options, adoptions, abortions and why did had everything have to fucking rhyme? This was a serious situation! Another way more familiar word made him snap out of his trance.

"I can't stop taking testosterone," Dean said and the doctor gave him that pitying look that he hated even more than the disdain and disgust.

"Until you make a decision, it's for the best. Testosterone can harm the embryo," she explained. "You can talk to your endocrinologist about what you can expect, but from what I understand, you won't see the effects until you miss a few doses."

"Okay," Dean nodded, suddenly embarrassed. This was definitely not his best moment.

"Think about it and come see me if you have any doubt," the doctor took out a business card and wrote something on it. "You can call me at any time. I know this is something hard to go through, you don't have to do it alone."

"Thanks," Cas said once it was clear Dean was in no state to say a word. They took all the papers and left the clinic. Dean didn't let go of Cas' hand for a second.

  
  



	2. Chapter 2

Dean was lying on his bed, staring at the ceiling and with his stomach almost empty. Not that it made any difference; he really didn't think he could eat anything and retain it long enough to make him any good. He heard a knock on the door and he turned to groan on his pillow. Seriously, the kid was just fifteen, he shouldn't be able to notice anything outside pretty girls or whatever, much less be able to know immediately when his older brother wasn't feeling good.

"Dean? Can I come in?" Sam's voice came from outside Dean's room and, sure enough, he sounded worried.

"It's a free country," Dean said just loud enough for him to hear. The last thing he needed was his father pestering them for being too loud. The door opened slowly and Sam came inside, closing it immediately behind him. Before Dean could even think about saying something, Sam went to his bed and sat beside him.

"Is something wrong?" Sam asked without waiting for Dean to react.

"Is this going to be a heart to heart talk?" Dean groaned again, but sat up on his bed. "Because I don't think we have enough ice cream and tissues for that."

"Dean," Sam chastised, "I'm serious. You've barely eaten tonight. It's obvious something has happened."

"Nah, I'm peachy. Just ate with Cas before," Dean said and he could almost believe it. It wasn't all a lie after all. Sam bit his lip.

"Something happened with Cas?" Sam asked, looking more worried from one second to the next. "Has he been a jerk to you?"

"Cas?" Dean laughed. "You know Cas, right? He couldn't hurt a fly's feelings if he tried."

"I know, but..."

"Everything is perfect with Cas, don't worry. Still being a gentleman and all."

"Okay," Sam frowned at him. "Why don't you want to tell me? It's something... private?"

"Well..." the thought of having something "private" he couldn't tell his brother was weird. Since they were kids Dean had taken care of Sam and, as a consequence, they had spent nearly every hour of the day together. Hell, before moving to Sioux Falls they hadn't even had separate beds, much less separate rooms. Maybe they didn't talk much about feelings, but surely they knew everything about each other.

"You can tell me," Sam said. The "I won't judge you" was implicit. And, well, truth was Dean had done way worse things before and Sam had always listened and forgave him.

"Okay, but you're going to faint when you hear."

"It can't be that bad, Dean," Sam huffed.

"No, but you're too delicate of a damsel to discuss some things," Dean said with a deadpan face. Sam stared at him before hitting him in the shoulder. Dean fell back on his bed, laughing, and Sam couldn't help laughing a bit too. When it died, they just looked at each other. Dean wanted to protect Sam from this, but if he already knew something was up there was no reason not to. He would only make himself sick with worry for his older brother.

"Okay."

***

  
  


"Do you want ice cream?" Cas asked as Dean collapsed on one of the banks of the park. It was sunny and birds chirped in the distance as they had left the clinic, Dean still a bit in shock after the news.. Everything was entirely too cheerful for Dean's mood. But that was what sucked about being 18 and 19 respectively and still in high school and living with family: no private place to speak. At least the sun felt good on his skin.

"I want a bottle of Jack or something stronger if you can find it," Dean groaned in response.

"You should not drink alcohol in your state, Dean," Cas frowned at him.

"I know..." Dean usually told Cas when he was joking, but he couldn't honestly say it had been completely a joke. "Don't feel like ice cream. I'll kiss you if you can get me fried chips, though."

"That I can do," Cas said and leaned to kiss the top of Dean's head, before nearly sprinting away to the fast food joint that was on one edge of the park. Dean sighed and looked at the trees around him.

He still couldn't believe it was true, that he was really carrying a baby inside of him. It felt so foreign, something other people did but that had never been on the menu for him. He supposed in the past he had thought about wanting to have kids, but the last years of his life had been too much of a mess to even consider the idea. Still, he was sure that even if sometime he had wanted babies, having them in his own uterus at the age of nineteen had not been part of the plan.

This just couldn't be happening to him. When he and Cas, the first guy he had ever been with, had started getting closer to each other, Dean had been on T long enough not to have bled for at least a month. If there was no bleeding there shouldn't have been healthy egg, right? Well, that's what he had thought. Apparently, as long as he had a uterus it was possible for him to get pregnant. It would have been nice of the endocrinologist to tell him BEFORE. If not for Cas’ hand on his, Dean would have broken the damn doctor's nose just out of principle. Especially for the look he had given Cas.

"Here," Cas’ voice startled him a bit when he suddenly appeared beside him. He put a packet with fries on Dean's hands before turning to his own little bowl with ice cream. Sometimes Cas was just too adorable. Dean moaned as he ate the first fry and just like that, they ate sitting together, their shoulders brushing each other. If only the silence and peace could last forever. Once they finished eating, Cas took the packaging and threw it in a bin. Dean frowned at him.

"You don't have to do everything for me, you know? I can still stand up."

"I just wanted to do something nice for you since you are upset," Cas said with a voice firm as if Dean hadn't just snapped at him.

"Of course," Dean sighed and turned to look at Cas in the eye. "Sorry, man."

"I understand you're undergoing a severe emotional whirlpool," Cas nodded. "I feel distressed too."

"I can see that," Dean smiled. He found endearing how Cas way of speaking became more and more complicated when he was nervous. Dean let his head fall on Cas’ shoulder. "What are we even going to do?"

"I don't know," Cas said as he took Dean's hand, his grip firmer than it had ever been, "it's your decision, though, of course."

"I'm not even sure what is there to choose from," Dean half laughed and he felt Cas reaching for his bag, where they had pushed all the pamphlets the doctor had given them. Dean's hand tugged at Cas'. "Let's just stay like this for a second, okay?"

Cas stopped mid-movement and nodded. His free hand came to run through Dean's short hair, hoping it would at least offer some comfort to him. Dean felt him squirming against him until Cas cleared his throat.

"Can I do something?" Cas asked. Dean raised his head and looked at him with a smile on his face. He reached up and kissed him firmly on the lips. Cas hand immediately caressed his jaw. Cas loved the feeling of Dean's stubble on the tip of his fingers.

"You're doing great," Dean assured him. "It's just, damn, I just feel so stupid."

"No one told you, Dean. There was no way you could know," Cas said and looked away for a second. "I should have probably done some research, though."

"Why?" Dean smiled incredulous.

"It's my 'thing', isn't it?" Cas said, managing to do the quotations marks even with just only one hand.

"You're not my doctor," Dean said with a finishing tone. "Though I wouldn't call a guy that assumed that just because I'm a trans guy I wouldn't have sex with someone with a penis a doctor."

"You're completely right," Cas smiled, both entertained and proud to have understood one of Dean's jokes. Dean gave him a tender smile before his face returned to a more serious expression.

"What options do we have?" He said in a low voice that was almost a surrender.

"Abortion or carrying the pregnancy to term, after there's also the possibility of adoption," Cas recited and Dean swore he could hear the doctor’s words in Cas’ voice.

"It's surreal. I don't even feel any different," Dean groaned. "How can I decide this if I can't even feel a baby inside me?"

"Fetal movement doesn't start until at least the 16th week, but it could be even more time until you feel it. You're just too early."

"Thanks, Cas," Dean said with a grimace, letting his head hang over the bank. Even the sky was just too blue for him right then. "I... I hadn't thought about having kids before, you know?"

"Me neither," Cas assured him, one of his hands on his again, not wanting to break physical contact for too long. Dean turned his hand and intertwined their fingers.

"I think I would like to. Live with you in a house with a white fence, drop the little beast at school before going to work, bake apple pie on Sundays. The whole deal," Dean’s voice started to slip off a bit at the end.

"You've thought it all in deep detail," Cas said and even when Dean looked at his face, he couldn't guess what Cas thought of it.

"I don't know. I guess this is just all I wanted when I was a kid and dad dragged us from one town to another."

"But I was with you in that image just now?"

"Of course," Dean shot him his most charming smile, though there was the hint of doubt in his eyes. "I think you'd be a good dad."

"No, I would be a terrible father," Cas shook his head briefly. "But you would more than make up for that."

They stayed just like that, Cas staring at their linked hands and Dean examining every inch of Cas' face. Dean wished there was something he could do for him. He wasn't the only one with a tough childhood, difficult home and absent father. At least Dean had Sammy and he was thankful for that every day.

"Then you would be okay with having children?" Dean asked once Cas' grip softened a bit on his hand.

 Cas hesitated for a second before nodding slowly. Dean smiled, but soon his expression grew serious again. "The thing is if we're going to have them now, then..."

"And like this," Cas said firmly. "I know this pregnancy would put you in a terrible situation. I don't want you to suffer unless you're completely and utterly convinced that this is what you want."

"I just don't know..."

"I don't know what would be the best, but," Cas serious face was merely inches from his. “I  just want you to be happy.”

"Cas..." Dean was speechless. Then he smiled and leant to his ear to whisper the only words that had taken place on his head, "I love you, Cas."

"I love you, Dean."

***

  
  


"Wow," Sam whispered. He looked as Dean turned to hide his face on the pillow again. "Just... it's... wow."

"Yeah, I got that the first time," Dean huffed. He knew it had been a bad idea telling Sam about the pregnant thing.

"Sorry..." Sam felt his face grow hot. "And you haven't decided yet...?"

"No," Dean stopped him before Sam could finish that sentence. Sam pressed his lips together, but said nothing. "Dad can't know a thing."

"I know, don't worry."

"Or Bobby."

"You're not going to tell Bobby?" Sam's eyebrows raised in surprise.

"Of course I'm not gonna tell him," Dean turned to face away from Sam. He could practically hear him thinking at his back.

"He's not going to be disapointed, you know that, right?" He said in that know-it-all voice Sam used when he thought he could read Dean’s mind. The kid had been using that since not long after the time he learnt how to read, already aware of how much smarter than Dean or dad he was. Dean didn't say a word, though. "God, Dean, you're always so stubborn."

"What? Do you think he's gonna be all proud when he realises I was stupid enough to get knocked up," he hissed angrily at him, using all his strenght to not start shouting. Sam rolled his eyes at him.

"How did you think he was going to react when you were going to tell him you were trans? Or when you told him you had a boyfriend?" Sam's tone said loud and clear that he thought he had won that one.

"This is different."

"It is not," Sam sighed in exasperation. After a few breaths, his put his hand on Dean's shoulder. "We're family, you know that. He will help you."

"I'll think about it," Dean resigned himself. There was just no arguing and hoping to win with his little brother.

"Good." Sam stood and left the room. Dean looked at the closed door, his head full of thoughts that maybe Sam was right. If there was someone he could trust, someone who had been helping him and Sam since they moved into Sioux Falls, damn, the reason their father had agreed to finally stay in one place... that was Bobby.


	3. Chapter 3

When Dean's alarm clock went off, the only thing he wanted to do was crush it against the nearest surface available. He turned on bed, seriously considering just skipping class that day. The worried faces of Sam and Cas on his mind though made him drag himself out of bed and go downstairs to start making breakfast. He went through the motions of cooking, taking a shower, getting his binder and clothes on, making sure Sammy had everything he needed for school (of course he did, he always left everything ready the night before) and driving while his thoughts were consumed by other matters. By the time they were in front of high school Dean wished he had just stayed in bed.

"Dean? Are you okay?" Sam’s concerned voiced took him out of his trance. He blinked at his little brother. "Maybe you should go to the nurses office."

"And tell her what?" Dean snorted. "I'm just tired, that's all. I'll live."

"Morning sickness usually starts anytime between the fourth and sixth week of pregnancy."

"Jeez, Sam, don't say that word!" Dean cringed just at hearing it out loud. He hadn't been actively avoiding thinking about it only for Sam to come and bring it up like that. "Did you research last night or what?"

"Of course I did, because I knew you wouldn't," Sam replied in a petulant tone. "That you still haven't decided what you're going to do doesn't mean you don't have to take care of yourself."

"I'll be fine. Thanks," Dean's exaggerated tone made Sam frown.

"Promise you'll go to the nurse if you feel worse."

"Of course I will. What do you take me for?" Dean huffed as he exited from the car. He had spotted Cas' trench coat in the distance and his sister Anna's red hair as she walked beside him. Sam hurried to go meet them with him and Dean eyed him suspiciously. As soon as Cas saw them approaching a smile grew on his face.

"Hello, Dean," and God it was good hearing that low voice.

"Hey, Cas..."

"Cas, I need to talk with you," Sam rushed to say before Dean could utter another word. Cas looked at him instead.

"Is something wrong?"

"Of course not," Dean hurried to say.

"Dean," Sam warned him.

"Just Sam being paranoid as usual."

"Come," Cas told Sam.

"Traitors..." he muttered loud enough for both of them to hear as they walked to an area mostly cleared of students.

"They just care about you, you know?" Anna smiled at him. Dean sighed.

"Yeah, I know. Only reason I put up with them." Anna laughed at that and patted Dean's shoulder.

"Sure, of course. See you later," Anna said when she saw her friends calling her. Dean liked that kid. They hadn't had it easy in life, but she was just so cheerful and full of life. He knew Anna and Cas' relationship was nothing like his and Sam, but he was still happy at least they had someone in their house who they could trust. When he saw Cas nodding emphatically at Sam he rushed to them. Cas squinted at him as soon as he got close.

"Don't listen to my nerdy brother. I'm fine."

"You do look a bit paler than usual," Cas remarked, getting even closer to examine him. Sam was giving him a look that said "See, I'm not the only one who can see it" and it annoyed him endlessly. Dean cleared his throat and put a hand over his heart.

"I solemnly swear that if I feel like puking I'll immediately inform whichever of you is closest," Dean said in an overly dramatic tone. Sam rolled his eyes, but Cas nodded, satisfied with his answer. Dean smiled at him. "Now you get out of my personal space so we can get to class."

Once they were closer to the door, Sam rushed to say goodbye to them before running to a blonde girl who was waiting for him. Dean waved to Jessica, Sam's best and only friend, and turned to look briefly at Cas. He had never had a real friend in school before him. When he had been a child, they had moved too much to actually keep friends. By the time they had a stable place he had become too weary of strangers and too burdened with his own problems to care about such things as friends. During his "break" from school he had met Jo and Ash, the kids of Bobby’s friend, Ellen . They were more than alright, had helped him to get outside his head when he needed it the most, but he had never known what it was like to have a friend at school. Dean felt Cas' hand clutching his and he immediately looked around them.

"No. It's just... too many people," Cas said in a voice so low it was almost a whisper.

"We can go outside and you can put on your headphones, is that good?" Dean asked him, his thumb caressing Cas' fingers. Cas nodded hastily. Dean could feel the stares around them, looking at Cas' lowered head and their joined hands. Fuck them, they were just a bunch of cowards. All they did was stare because they knew Dean could kick all of their asses if they ever dared do something. He had before. Once they were outside, Cas searched frantically in his bag for his noise blocker headphones. Cas sighed as he put them on. Dean caught his eyes.

"Better?" He mouthed. Cas nodded with a small twitch in the corner of his lips.

"I'm sorry," Cas whispered, but Dean kept smiling at him as he shook his head. Cas eyes shined a bit as he mouthed, "Thank you."

***

  
  


When school was over, Cas walked with Dean to the Impala. Dean looked at him attentively, still worried that he would have a meltdown. Fortunately, he looked tired, but nothing else. Still.

"You sure you're okay, Cas? I can drive you home if you want," Dean said, but Cas hastily shook his head.

"No, that won't be necessary," Cas replied, but wouldn't look at Dean in the eye. Dean bit his lip; there had to be something he could do.

"You can come to my house. I told Bobby that I would go to the garage today, but I could call him," Dean didn't like the idea of having to call in the last minute, but making sure Cas was really fine was more important. If he was feeling on edge already, going directly home wouldn't be good for him.

"You are going to work today?" Cas frowned at him and Dean could feel the criticism in his voice.

"Any problem with that?" Dean asked.

"Yes, I don't think you should do such a strenuous work now that..." Cas bit his lip to stop the words flowing.

"I'm..." Dean started saying, but he realized his voice was much louder than he had intended. He took a breath and whispered, "I'm just pregnant, okay? I still have two arms to work and damn it, I will."

"You could hurt yourself," Cas reminded him. Dean was feeling the anger grow inside of him and those words made him feel terrible for it. Cas was just worried, not trying to belittle him.

"And the baby?" Dean asked arching an eyebrow. He wasn't even sure why he asked that, he was too bitter to care.

"Yes, that too," Cas said slowly, squinting his eyes. There was some logical leap he was not following and he knew it; he always looked like that when he felt lost. Dean leant to get close to his face.

"I'm not a human incubator," he spat in a whisper. Cas gasped at those words, his eyes opened wide when he realized what was going on.

"I know you're not. I'm worried that something could happen to YOU," Cas said, horror still written all over his face. Dean huffed and then Cas frowned. "Why are you being like this?"

Dean was about to say something he would regret, when Sam called them from a few feet ahead. Dean tried to compose his face, but it was a lost cause. Even if Sam didn't look at him, he would surely see Cas' sad eyes fixed on him, still waiting for an answer.

"You coming home with us, Cas?" Sam asked sympathetically. Cas rapidly shook his head and turned to look anywhere but their faces.

"No, Dean has to work today," Cas was turning to walk away, but Sam called him before he was too far.

"You sure you're okay? You can come help me with my homework," Sam said, now sure that something was wrong.

"You don't need help with homework, you're the best of your class," Cas reminded him.

"I mean you can come to our home if you don't feel like going to yours," Sam explained. Cas looked at Dean briefly, before turning to Sam.

"No, it’s okay," and without another word he turned and started walking away. Sam turned to Dean, and he didn't have to look at his little brother to feel the accusing stare that was being directed his way.

"Come on, get in the car." Dean sat in the driver's seat and he heard Sam's exasperated sigh as he sat at his side.

"Dean, what have you done?"

"Why has it to be me?"

"Because I've never seen Cas look like that!" Sam shouted.

"He was trying to tell me not to go to work, okay? Just because I'm..." he let his voice drop until it disappeared. "He doesn't have the right to tell me what to do."

"Dean, you're angry, I get it. But you're not angry with Cas." Dean hated Sam's reasonable voice. It could convince him of anything.

"Then what, genius?"

"You're mad that you're in this situation, and I can understand that," Dean peaked at Sam expression, but it was just a hard as before. "But it's not Cas' fault, not yours."

"I know..." Dean finally sighed, letting his head fall on the wheel. "It was just about time that I fuck up things with him, right?"

"Don't be an idiot. Just call him and say you're sorry when we get home."

"He was worried about me and I..."

"Dean. Just apologize. That's what people do," finally Sam smiled at him and Dean couldn't decide if he wanted to hug him or punch him in the face. "And, by the way..."

"What now?" Dean frowned.

"You really shouldn't work at the garage now. Heavy lifting is very dangerous during pregnancy."

"God damn," Dean groaned. "And, please, don't say that word again."

"Whatever," Sam huffed. "You should still go to Bobby's, though."

"Because I should tell him," Dean grunted.

"Because I think it would be good for you to tell him," Sam confirmed. Dean started the engine.

"I hate you when you're right, bitch."

"That's why you need to listen, jerk."

***

  
  


The moment Cas opened the door to their house and saw Michael's eyes he knew he had done something wrong. His older brother, the eldest of them all, had taken the role of father when Cas was barely six years old; just by looking at his eyes Cas could tell if he was pleased or disappointed. And usually when he looked disappointed as he did in that moment, it was because of something Castiel had done. Even so, Cas tried to act normal. Maybe this time it wouldn't be his fault.

"Hello, Michael," he greeted him, as he stood frozen in the entryway.

"Castiel," Michael said slowly, trying to be patient when it was obvious all he wanted to do was explode. "Where is Anna?"

"Anna?" Cas looked around himself and that was it. He had been so upset and confused about Dean being angry at him that he had completely forgotten to wait for his sister and come back together. Cas wasn’t supposed to go back home on his own: he either waited for Anna or went with the Winchester brothers. He didn’t understand why his brother always seemed so worried about him being on his own. But that was Michael's rule and they were supposed to obey and not question him.

"Have you forgotten about your own sister?" Michael hissed. Cas lowered his head and said nothing. He had tried to make excuses before, but to no avail. He couldn't lie all that well, not to Michael, and both of them knew it.

"I'm sorry, Michael," Cas murmured instead. Michael sighed tiredly and motioned for him to go inside the house. Cas wanted nothing more than turn around and run away, go to Dean and tell him he was sorry, even if he didn't know what had he done to make him angry, and, please, let him stay with him until Michael wasn't angry anymore. Instead he walked to the living room, flinching when he heard the door close and trying not to shiver.

"There are not many things I ask of you, Castiel, are there?" Cas shook his head, keeping his eyes firmly focused on his shoes. "And what I do ask of you is only for you and your sister's good, right?" Cas nodded, but he felt Michael moving closer to him. "Look at me when I'm speaking to you."

Cas started breathing harder and harder. It was over, he couldn't do that, but he had to, or Michael would only get angrier. Cas forced himself to look a bit higher, first at Michael's legs, then his arms, he even managed to look at his shoulder. He could hear his accelerated heart beating so loudly he was afraid Michael would hear it and shout at him for it.

"Castiel, look at me," his voice was like steel and Cas could practically feel it cutting his skin. He tried, he really tried, he look at his neck, his cheek and higher... but as soon as he felt his brother's cold eyes fixed on his he had to look away, he couldn't bear it anymore. "Look at me!"

Cas felt Michael's hand clenching his chin and making him look again into his eyes. He wanted to close them, to go where he couldn't reach him, but he was too scared to move, to even make a sound. The only thing he could feel was how he had stopped breathing and no matter how much he tried to breath the air was just not reaching him. He had to breath, he couldn't...

"Michael, I'm home!" Anna's voice came from the door and Michael heard the sound of her steps dying as soon as she reached the doorway to the living room. "Let him go!"

She rushed to push him away with all the strength she could gather, putting herself between the two of them. Cas fell to the floor and curled up in a ball. Michael was looking at his hands as if he had just woken up from a nightmare and didn’t know if he was finally awake. Anna turned and offered one hand to Cas.

"Come, let's go to your room," she said softly. Cas knew she was right, he would be safer in his room. He didn't take her hand, but pushed himself upright and started moving, mechanically walking up the stairs. Anna followed him, but didn't go beyond the threshold of his door. Cas collapsed on his bed. "How is your breathing?"

"Accelerated," he replied as he fumbled on his bedside table, looking for his stress ball, "but better."

"Are you going to be okay for a few minutes?" Anna asked in a firm tone. Cas considered it while he turned the ball on his hands, feeling the fabric and how soft it was. Finally, he nodded. He just needed some time alone to stim and maybe cry, but he would be fine again soon. Anna nodded. "Okay. If you need me just call me."

Cas nodded and let her go out. He curled up again and started to softly rock back and forth, trying to focus on his breath rather than anything around him. He didn't want to think, so as soon as thoughts began to form in his mind he focused as much as he could on the touch of the ball in his hands. He yelped when his phone started ringing. Dean. He didn't waste a second before picking it up.

"Cas?" Dean voice quivered at the other end. "Cas, baby, before you say anything. I'm sorry. You were right, I shouldn't have gotten angry."

Cas felt the tears falling on his hand before he even noticed he had started to cry. Dean wasn't mad at him. Dean still loved him. He hadn't done anything to Dean that was wrong, he hadn't hurt Dean. He fell sprawled on his bed, his hand keeping the phone firmly on his ear.

"Cas? Cas, are you crying? Cas?" Dean asked and waited patiently all of three seconds for an answer Cas couldn't give him right then and there. "Damn."

Cas heard the phone call ending and surely, not even half a second after, his phone vibrated and warned him that he had a new message.

Dean:  Cas, answer, please. Are you okay?

Cas' fingers flew over the screen keyboard.

Cas: Fight with Michael. My fault. Much better now. I love you, Dean.

He pressed send and just left the tears fall down his cheeks. It just felt good, letting go of everything he had had on his mind and just cry and cry. His phone buzzed again.

Dean: Need me to go get you?

Cas was tempted to tell him yes if that meant he could see him today and kiss him and make sure everything was alright. He sighed, knowing far too well he was in no state to be with other people.

Cas: I'll be fine. See you tomorrow.

Dean: Take care, Cas. Text me if you need me, don't mind the hour.

Cas: Thank you, Dean.

Dean: I love you.

Cas: I love you.

Cas let the phone fall on his bed and felt himself drift off. Soon, everything was black and peaceful.

The first thing Dean did the next day as soon as he saw Castiel was take him to the back of the school and kiss him.


	4. Chapter 4

Dean parked the Impala in front of the library and leaned back on the seat. Friday evening at last and, what was most important, Friday evening after having his second ultrasound done. He had been stressed about it, no sense denying it to himself, even if he would deny it under torture to anyone else. Dean had been on the verge of telling Cas off as soon as he had seen his concerned expression.

The sight of his baby brother leaving the building accompanied by a blond short girl interrupted his thoughts. They waved at each other before the girl rushed to another car. Sam stayed put looking at her until she was safe inside what Dean assumed was her parents' car. Dean honked and laughed when Sam jumped and turned to look at him. When he opened the car door he was looking at him with an exasperated expression.

"How was the date, Romeo?" Dean asked as he started the car. Sam huffed.

"It was not a date. Jess and I are friends and we were studying," Sam explained for the umpteenth time.

"Yes, sure. Remember when Cas and I were just friends and we went to my room to study?" Dean chuckled. Sam rolled his eyes and looked away.

"It's not like that, I assure you," Sam muttered.

"But you would like it to be?" Dean asked, his tone more serious this time. Sam just shrugged.

"I'm not sure. She's the first friend I've had since we moved here and... it’s complicated." Sam said his voice not wavering for a second and his eyes still fixed outside the window. "I mean, how do I even know if I want to be her friend or her boyfriend?"

"You'll know. You'll... just know," Dean said in such a fond tone that Sam turned to look at him. He had never seen such a warmth in his older brother's eyes. Dean glanced at Sam and soon turned his eyes back on the road and chuckled. "I don't know, man. You just asked the worst person in the world for love advice."

"No," Sam assured him with a smile. "I think I understand."

Dean nodded, still not sure what he had said that had made so much sense to Sam. But, whatever, at least the kid was not moping anymore. They rode in silence for a while before he noticed Sam had been staring and looking away from him for a few minutes. And it was starting to get to his nerves.

"Out with it, Sam. What do you want?" Dean spat. Sam gasped a bit in surprise at his brusque tone, but soon turned to look at him with a small smile.

"It was today, right?"

"What?"

"You know what," Sam pursed his lips, but Dean stayed silent. "You had to go to the doctor today, right? Is everything alright?"

"Yes," Dean nodded. At least his physical health was alright, that much was true. "They gave me the picture and all."

"Really?" Sam nearly jumped out of his seat. "Can I see it? Do you have it here?"

"Easy, tiger. I left it home," Dean grunted. "I don't know what got you so excited."

"It's the first time I'm going to see the... the fetus," Sam tripped over his own words at the end. Dean looked at him suspiciously, knowing very well he had been about to say the forbidden word.

"Slow down, dude," Dean grumbled. "I still don't know if I'm going to keep it."

"I know, sorry," Sam said and he really looked remorseful. Dean sighed.

"It's okay. I'll show it to you when we get home." And, well, if Sam's smiled made Dean feel a bit warmer inside, no one had to know.

***

  
  


"Well, now I can confirm you're 8 weeks along in your pregnancy. See this thing here?" The doctor turned to them and they both nodded. "That's the head, can you see it?"

"Yes," Cas whispered, but Dean remained silent. The doctor turned to touch some things on the machine while Dean got his belly cleaned. Cas looked at him worried, like he had been nearly constantly doing the last three weeks. Dean knew he still wasn't showing, but he could feel his muscles starting to soften, to make way to the roundness that would sure come. If he didn't stop it before, obviously. Soon after, they were seated across a large desk in the doctor’s office.  She pushed an envelope toward them.

"These are the pictures. You don't have to take them, but I would recommend it," she said. Dean nodded and took them, anyway, not even thinking about it. Not thinking about things was something he had always been really good at. "You haven't decided yet?"

"No, I haven't." Dean responded and the doctor nodded, already expecting that answer.

"This is something you have to think deeply about and I don't want to rush you," she assured him. "But if you want to terminate the pregnancy, you'll only be able to do it legally until the 12th week. And also, we're required by law to give you a 48 hours period to reflect."

"I know," Dean nodded. It had been the only information he had researched behind everyone's back.

"Well, then. Whatever you decide, come see me. I'm here to help you." And Dean believed her. The two times he had been here she had only been respectful to him and Cas. Dean decided he could trust her.

They said goodbye and went outside, Dean's hand firmly holding the envelope. As soon as they were outside, Cas took Dean’s free hand and in his own and gave him an encouraging squeeze. Without a word they both ended up walking hand in hand to the same park they had been to three weeks ago, when he first found out he was expecting. Dean sat at a bank and Cas wandered off, most likely to get them food.

Dean opened the envelope and took out the picture inside. His finger moved on its own to trace the tiny lump in the middle. It was still too soon to see anything more than a couple of lumps put together, but Sam had told him that the arms and legs were starting to grow right now. The feeling of disbelieving had been fading in the past week, his body starting to somehow feel different. The knowledge that that little thing was inside of him didn't make it any easier to make a choice.

"Here," said Cas as he sat by his side. In his hand there was a wrapper with fries. Dean put the picture inside the envelope and put it on his legs as he started to eat. This time Cas had not bought anything for himself.

"Want?" Dean offered him his fries, but Cas shook his head.

"Dean, I hope you've been thinking, but..."

"No, not now. Let me enjoy this," Dean said and he knew it was absurd to stall like this, bargaining for a few more minutes, but Cas nodded and pushed their shoulders together. Dean ate and Cas just looked at him, which used to unnerve him what felt like ages ago, but now just made him feel loved. Once he was finished he crumpled what was left of the wrapper and threw it to the nearest bin. He took the envelope again and turned it in his hands before turning his face to Cas.

"Now?" Cas asked.

"Now," Dean nodded.

"I hope you've been thinking by yourself, but I need you to talk to me. I need to know what you're thinking," Cas told him, his eyes not flickering away from his for a second. Damn, Dean thought, it was for the best Cas couldn't look at other people like this. It was intense, very intense. Honestly, sometimes it was a bit scary how intense Castiel could get.

"I don't know," Dean did his best to hold his glance, but at the end turned to look up in the sky. "I need more time to think."

"You don't have much time," Cas reminded him and Dean shuddered.

"I know." Damn, of course he knew, he had the expiration date engraved on his brain, the day after which the choice would be taken from his hands. "Doesn't make it any easier, honestly."

Cas put his hand over Dean's left shoulder, offering what comfort he could. Dean leant into the touch and looked back at Cas.

"I don't enjoy fighting with you," Cas said out of the blue, making Dean blink a couple of times before he understood what his boyfriend has just said.

"We're not fighting, Cas," Dean said, taking his hand and intertwining their fingers. "It's just... not easy, right now. But I promise, we're not fighting."

"Really?" Cas arched an eyebrow, but his face relaxed when Dean nodded. "That makes me happy, Dean, because I love you."

"Me too, dumbass," Dean said as he ruffled Cas' hair. "Now, can we get home? This binder is killing me."

"Okay, Dean," Cas let Dean guide him by their joined hands. He wanted to remind Dean that it would probably be wise not to wear his binder until his breast became less tender, that he would have to stop later, once he produced milk. He wanted to say that he knew Dean had decided what to do the moment he first saw the ultrasound, but that was a dangerous thought for them both.

Cas thought he knew Dean well enough by then, but he could be wrong. Maybe Dean didn't want to continue his pregnancy and was just taking his time to be sure. Maybe he really didn't have the slightest idea of what to do. Cas found himself doing the same thing Dean did that got on his nerves: he avoided thinking about Dean wanting to carry his pregnancy to term. They walked to Dean's car and once inside his music was loud and familiar enough to calm him down.

***

  
  


"Then everything is fine with you and Cas," Sam said, looking a bit unsure.

"Of course, man. We're awesome," Dean said with a grin.

"I thought, I don't know, it would take a toll out of you two. The whole situation," Sam looked at him honestly impressed. "But, yeah, you're handling it pretty well."

"You sound surprised," Dean said eyeing him. "I told you, we'll be fine."

"Yeah, yeah. Now let's go inside. I want to see it," Sam opened the door and got out of the car, nearly jumping out of excitement.

"There's not much to see. It's just a bunch of black lumps," Dean groaned, but, once he was sure Sam was walking to the door and not looking at him, he smiled. At least Sam didn't hide how he really felt about the baby... fetus. He couldn't go around calling what was inside him a "baby" until he was sure he wanted to keep it. Which he wasn't, at all.

Dean walked toward Sam while fumbling for the key, but when he reached the door Sam was looking at him, confused. Sam's hand was on the door, the clearly opened door. Dean swore he was sure they had locked up this morning. It could only mean one thing. Sam looked at him with alarm, but Dean shook his head.

"Just, don't start anything, okay?" Dean said. It was nothing unusual, after all; their father came and went as he pleased, he always had. From time to time he would send money to make sure the rent was paid and that they had enough to eat.  He knew they should be grateful, even if sometimes that money wasn’t enough, because Dean was sure John Winchester was doing his best.

Tima ago he had wished he could go with him, help him with whatever John had set his mind into. When Dean dropped out of school he would have given anything to go with him and maybe find some reason to get out of bed every morning. Deep down he was happy neither John nor Bobby had let him. His job was to take care of Sam, he understood that now. And thanks to that he had met Cas, which was a perk if he had ever seen one.

Dean pushed the door open all the way and went inside the house, closely followed by Sam. The house was dark, only a light could be seen at the end of the hallway. Dean started walking toward the kitchen, Sam never leaving his side.

"Hey, dad. We're home," Dean said before he even reached the door. "Just came back from picking Sam up from the library."

The sight that greeted him left him frozen in place in the middle of the hallway in front of their opened kitchen door. Sam came hastily to his side, his eyes open wide at the sight. Their father was seated at the kitchen table with only two things in front of him: an envelope with the clear sign of the hospital with Dean's legal name written on it, and the ultrasound picture that the doctor had given him. Slowly, John turned to look at them.

"Sam, go to your room," he said, sounding much calmer than he probably was. Dean knew Sam was going to protest, so he put a hand on his shoulder giving him the silent message that he would be fine, he could handle it, please, you'll only make things worse if you stay. Dean's eyes didn’t leave John's face not even for a second. Dean felt Sam get tense, trying to refuse to leave his brother side, but at last he turned and left. Both of them knew he wouldn’t be very far away, in case things got too hairy. John pointed at the paper, as if he didn't even dare to touch it.

"What does this mean, Dean?" John asked, his voice steel.

"I'm sorry, sir," Dean replied, hoping his unwavering voice would help him since he knew the apology would not. John laughed humorlessly and the sound made Dean's blood freeze in his veins.

"No, I should have seen this one coming," John was still half smiling to himself. "You know? When you were still a kid and you had only eyes for pretty girls I thought, 'well, at least she won't get pregnant'. But once you started fooling around with this boy... I should have known."

"I'm sorry," Dean repeated, but this time his tone was way less demure.  He was losing his patience and wish to be a good son by the second.

"Real men don't let themselves get knocked up by some weird kid, like a damn whore," John spat and Dean could feel the blood rushing to his ears.

"Cas is not 'some weird kid', don't you dare speak of him like that," Dean growled, his voice getting as deep as it could.

"You think he's going to be there now that you're going to be more trouble than you’re worth. Think, Dean!" John shouted, getting to his feet. "He'll leave you behind like the stupid whore you are! It will be me who has to deal with this mess!"

"Don't you speak of Cas like that!" Dean shouted back at the top of his lungs. "It is MY mess and I'll deal with it, don't worry!"

"You better. Last thing I need is another mouth to feed just because you couldn't keep your legs closed," with those final words, John rushed outside of the house.

Dean sagged into a chair, taking the picture and putting it inside the envelope with trembling hands. Not a second after, he heard soft steps walking to the kitchen.

"Are you okay?" Sam asked in a low voice.

"Nothing I've never heard before, don't worry," Dean chuckled, but his eyes didn’t leave the envelope on his hands.

"You have to get out of here," Sam said and Dean frowned at him. "Just for the night."

"What do you mean?" Dean arched an eyebrow.

"Are you serious? When Dad comes back he's gonna be drunk as hell. We don't know what he may do." They both looked at each other.

"I'm not leaving you behind," Dean said.

"Then I'll go with you."

"I... Dad will probably need someone to take care of him when he comes back," Dean muttered and Sam sighed exasperatedly.

"Dean, your safety and the baby's come first." And, of course, he's right. It didn’t soften the pang of guilt Dean feels. "We'll go to Bobby's, he won't mind us spending the night there."

"No," Dean said. "No, he doesn't know anything. I can't tell him."

"You don't have any other choice," Sam nearly shouted, but with a sigh he sank down to his knees in front of Dean and took his hands. "It will be fine. Bobby will help you, you know that."

Dean nodded. Dean knew Bobby would help him, he had always helped them since they came here. He just wished he could do this without having to go around, bothering people. Above all, he wished he could go through it without seeing the disappointed look Bobby was sure to give him.


	5. Chapter 5

They both went to their rooms and gathered a few things in a couple of duffle bags. Unfortunately, it wasn't the first time they had to do something like that, even if for years it had been Dean sending Sam away so his little brother didn't have to see their father too drunk to walk straight. Since he was a kid, Dean had learnt how to convince John to go to bed once he arrived home, how to make sure he didn't choke in his sleep, and how to keep him hydrated and deal with his hangover in the morning. At first they had been very secretive with Bobby about what was going on in the Winchester household, back when they still saw him as a stranger they couldn't trust with their secrets. Or maybe it was when Dean was still too embarrass about their life to share it with anyone. Since he found out, Bobby made sure to send them away every time he knew John came back drunk: he wasn't about to let a child take care of a grown ass adult.

Dean still dealt with their father when he could, but even he had to recognize tonight was not the night to be the "hero". They threw their bags in the Impala and drove in complete silence to the salvage yard at the edge of town. They didn't have to wait long at the door before it opened.

"What the hell are you boys doing here at this hour?" Bobby greeted them, though he didn't wait for an answer before hurrying them inside. They went upstairs and drop their bags at the feet of the bed on the guest room. Bobby still insisted on calling it "guest room", though it had not held any guest in ages. Everyone involved knew that, by now, it was the boys' room. They went back downstairs and found Bobby rummaging through the kitchen.

"I can cook some dinner for you two," Dean said with a grin. "You can use a break from that pre-cooked shit."

"Mind your tongue, boy," Bobby said, but let Dean busy himself taking anything edible from the cabinets and planning what to do with it.

"Yeah, whatever. You should go shopping from time to time. I think I can cook some pasta, though." Dean continued in silence, while Sam stood by his side not really doing anything. Bobby just studied them.

"What did your dad do this time?" He grunted at last. Dean froze in place and Sam threw him a worried look. Bingo, though it didn't take much guessing. Not many things could move that pigheaded boy to ask for help. "Cat got your tongue?"

"He stormed out," Sam explained with a shrug. "We all know what that means. Didn't really want to be there to deal with it."

"Okay," Bobby looked at them both very carefully. Sam was growing up to be a good liar, but still not good enough. It was obvious there was something they weren't telling, but it could wait. Dean worked in silence, eventually asking Sam to get this or check on that, so Bobby left them to it and went back to his work. Later, Sam called Bobby as Dean finished setting the delicious smelling home-made dinner. Bobby sat down with a frown, staring at the two plates set on the table.

"Where’s  _your_ dinner?" Bobby asked Dean.

"I'm not hungry," Dean shrugged.

"You shouldn't skip meals," Sam admonished, but it only earned him a glare from Dean.

"I'm not feeling all there. I'll just eat something, later." Bobby looked at him and, well, it was true Dean didn't look alright. He was getting paler by the second and suddenly, Dean dashed off to the bathroom. Sam and Bobby stood and followed immediately after him, only to find him pucking his brains out.

"Dean..." Sam tried to get to his side, but a hand in his general direction stopped him.

"No. I'm fine. Really," Dean groaned, trying to fight off more heaves.

"Yeah, you look just peachy," Bobby went inside and got a towel wet before giving it to him. Dean glared at him as he took it.

"I just need some rest, that's all."

"Sure." With one glance Bobby send Sam away before helping Dean get up. "You're not getting into anything...  _you know_ , right?"

"No," Dean assured him with a shudder. "No, don't worry. I would never try that again."

"You know I'm here to help you. If you ever feel that down again," Bobby put his hand on Dean's shoulder, squeezing to reassure him.

"I know, Bobby. I know," Dean tried to smile at him, but it was just a half-assed attempt. "I need to rest, that's all."

"We'll talk later," Bobby pinned him with one last glare. Dean nodded and went upstairs to lie on bed until his stomach settled down. Whoever called it "morning" sickness was an asshat.

***

  
  


Dean closed the door to the room after himself, using all the strength he had left to be as quiet about it as he could, before throwing himself on one of the beds. He didn't want any of the others to know what was going through his mind. That he had thought before of leaving their father’s house in the middle of the night just to get as far from John as possible. He knew his father would find out sooner or later, but he wished that at least the choice of when to get yelled at had been his. He hated that he had been so stupid and left the envelope out in the open when he left in a rush. For a moment, he had thought of just leaving with Cas and Sam and going somewhere far away before he was showing, have the baby and go back a couple of times a year.

Dean knew he was being ridiculous, but he had started to throw up at the mere hint of chicken smell a week ago, he felt his energy was drowning, which most likely meant his testosterone levels were dropping, and just the thought of losing something he had had fought so hard for, something he needed, made him very dysphoric... he was rambling in his own thoughts. He had enough on his plate without adding his father calling him a "stupid whore" who had never been able to “keep her legs shut."

Dean had always listened to his father, always tried to be a good son, an extraordinarily good son. He hated that he felt like that, but he knew he was always trying to make it up to John for being such a burden, so different. The only times Dean had confronted John had been to defend Sam, though it had been years since he had to do that.  His kid brother was more than capable of arguing his point himself, probably much better than Dean had ever been able to.

That night, though... Dean had just wanted to beat John until he couldn't move his arms anymore. He felt terrible for it. Deep down he knew his father was right: if he had gotten knocked up, it was because he hadn't known enough, because he had been stupid. And now he was going to be a burden for his family even more than he already was. At this point, Dean wasn't sure if what he wanted was to beat his father or get himself a good beating. Pain had always helped him keep his mind clear.

The sound of an electric guitar coming from his phone took him out of those thoughts and he felt his throat clenching when he realized what he had been thinking. A tear rolled down his cheek, but he was quick to rub it out. He couldn't be weak, not again and much less now that there was an actual child who depended completely on him. The sound died, but returned not a second after. Dean fumbled until he found his phone and pressed the answer button as soon as he saw the name "Cas" written on the screen.

"Cas? What's wrong?" Dean said with his voice firm.

"Are you okay, Dean?" Cas’ voice, on the other hand, was a mess. It was trembling and Dean could hear him breathing too fast.

"Cas, calm down, I'm okay," Dean said slowly, giving Cas time enough for the words to reach him. He heard a few deep breaths on the other side of the line. "Good, very good, Cas."

"Sam sent me a message," Cas said, his words slow and so articulate that it was obvious he was making a tremendous effort to stay in control.

"Of course he did," Dean huffed. Damned nosey younger brothers.

"He is worried and so am I," Cas’ voice sounded annoyed. Of course they both knew Dean wouldn't even have told Cas on his own will until he felt he had the situation under control.

"My dad is being a bastard, just like he was when I told him I was a boy," Dean explained. "He'll get over it."

"And how are you?" Of course Cas wanted to talk about his feelings.

"Not the first time my dad called me a whore, I'll live." And he could have convinced Cas, he was sure, if only his voice hadn't broken at the end. He felt more tears pooling his eyes. He blamed estrogen for this too.

"Dean..." Cas whispered. He was feeling frustrated too, Dean knew the feeling. There was just nothing either of them could do. "What can I do for you?"

"Can you keep talking?" Dean whimpered and he felt even more pathetic for it. "I like your voice."

"What do you want me to tell you?"

"Anything. Just... tell me about whatever you've been learning."

"Bees. I find bees quite fascinating now. Did you know that bees have five eyes? I..." Dean smiled as Cas voice poured fact after fact on his ear. He loved how he always sounded so excited about his especial interests. Little by little, he felt his heartbeat slowing, his eyes drying, and his smile turned a bit more honest. It would take pretty hardcore torture to get it out of him, but in that moment he felt that, as long as Cas was by his side, there was nothing he couldn't do.

***

  
  


Hours later, Dean opened his eyes to nearly absolute darkness.  He was still dressed in his jeans and shirt, but at least his shoes were not on anymore and he had a blanket over him. The last thing he remembered was Cas' voice speaking non-stop about bees, though he thought the topic derived to ants somewhere along the way. He reached with his hand and felt for the plastic case of his phone.

Once he woke up a bit more, he noticed Sam breathing softly somewhere to his left; Dean took the phone under the covers and turned it on to find one message.

Cas: Sam told me you fell asleep. Have a good night, Dean. I look forward seeing you tomorrow.

Awkwardly adorable bastard, that was the only way to describe his boyfriend.

Dean knew that Cas was probably sleeping with the phone by his side with the volume on just in case Dean needed him during the night. Dean also knew how difficult was for Cas to maintain reasonable sleeping hours, so he didn’t reply, not wanting to risk waking him up. He silently slipped out of bed and out of the room.

Just as he stepped into the hallway, his stomach growled. Well, that decided it. Dean went down the stairs, minding the steps he knew would creak, and nearly threw a punch in the air when he saw no lights. He quickly went to the kitchen, turned on the poor light and made himself a sandwich as fast as he could. In that moment it tasted like the best thing ever, even better than anything he had cooked before. It didn’t matter that the mix of pickles and peanut butter had sounded weird on his head, it was fucking delicious.

Dean was washing his dish when he heard the steps creak. He sighed, resigned that it had to happen sooner or later; better when Sam was well asleep.

"Hey, Bobby," Dean greeted him as he took the towel to dry his hands.

"Come and sit with me," Bobby said and Dean heard the noise of a chair being dragged. He sat in front of the man who had been more a father to him and his brother than his own flesh and blood and found himself unable to keep eye contact. "It can't be that bad, Dean."

"Dad got angry at me," Dean said and he saw Bobby lifting an eyebrow in surprise. "He yelled, I yelled and he stomped out. That's it."

"You're a good kid. You both are, but you always try hard to stay on your dad's good side," Bobby said and Dean could feel the question there, but he just shrugged. "You know you can trust me."

"I know, it's just..." Dean voice broke and he looked away.

"You would have to try very hard to do something that frightened me, boy," Bobby huffed. When Dean looked at his face, he saw he was smiling. "Whatever it is, I'm not gonna be disappointed in you."

Dean nodded for a few seconds and then he stood and left the room. Bobby sighed, but soon he heard Dean's steps coming back into the kitchen. Dean sat again in front of him, but this time their eyes wouldn't meet. He just handled Bobby an envelope from the hospital. Bobby took it hastily, a bit alarmed. What he saw made him sigh in relief.

"You scared me there, you idjit. Thought there was something really wrong with you," Bobby grumbled. Dean was still looking anywhere but at his face. "It's from your boyfriend, right?"

"Of course it's Cas'," Dean replied in haste, realizing too late that he was facing Bobby and that he didn't look angry or disappointed.

"Know what you want to do yet?" Bobby asked.

"No, I don't know," Dean shrugged.

"You're never going to be a good enough liar to fool me, you know that?" Dean's eyes opened wide in surprise, but he didn't say a word. Bobby shrugged. "You don't have to say anything if you don't want to. Just thought it could do you some good."

"I... I don't know how," Dean's words were spilling out of his mouth. Once he started talking it was like he couldn't stop. "I know that it’s stupid, that we're too young, that it's impossible... I wouldn't know how to make it work."

"You’re stronger than you think, Dean. And you're not alone," Bobby reminded him.

"It's not just... I don't know if I can bear carrying it to term. I don't know if all the changes in my body will take me back to a dark place," Dean said with a whimper, tears falling down his face before he could stop them. "Even if I can I wouldn't know how to support a fucking child. I would ruin Cas' life just because I was selfish..."

His words got lost when he felt Bobby's arms around him, pulling him close toward him. Dean didn't have time to think twice before he grabbed Bobby's shirt in his hand, letting everything out, just crying without another word, letting himself be comforted by that rough man. When at last the whimpers stopped, he gulped and tried to get one last thing out.

"I... I don't think I would be a good dad, Bobby," Dean choked out of his throat. He felt Bobby's hand on his hair. "I would be a terrible father."

"That's nonsense," Bobby said.

"How could you know that?" Dean asked.

"Because you've already been a good father. If that kid sleeping upstairs is any good now, it's all thanks to you," Bobby stated. Dean wanted to say that it wasn't true, that before going steady he had been so tired of everything, that he had thought of leaving Sam behind time and again. That at first he had loved their house so much mostly because it meant he didn't have to keep an eye on his little brother twenty four seven. But Dean looked up and Bobby's eyes made all the words die on his throat.

"I want to have this baby," he said instead. "I really want to."

"Then we'll see what we can do to make sure that happens."


	6. Chapter 6

The sun was shining bright outside when Dean opened his eyes again. He flopped back into bed with a groan, feeling as if he had been run over and left there to die. Apparently late night crying would do that, which felt like an unjust punishment. He reached for his phone and groaned again when he saw it was already midday. He thought about just staying in bed a bit longer, seeing as how it was obvious he was skipping school today. In the end, though, he stood and grabbed some clothes from his bag before heading directly to the shower, thinking that at least he wouldn't feel as gross after.

Once he was inside the shower he let his hand wander on his belly. It was barely noticeable, but his abs weren't as firm as they used to be, giving way to a tiny bump. He let his hands wander down slowly, tracing his narrow hips. They wouldn't be this narrow anymore, he knew. And his breasts... even now they felt more sensitive than usual, making wearing a binder a hell even worse than it had already been. Dean knew he would have to eventually stop.

He got out of the shower and dried himself fast and efficiently. Maybe he would even have to drop out of school again, no one there knew he was trans and he knew what could happen if they found out. Damn, it would probably be worse with him being pregnant. Yes, he would have to look into home schooling. Stress was bad for the baby and now that he was going to be a father he had to be more responsible. Against all odds, a smile spread on his face at the thought. It was the worst time possible for both of them and yet, a child was something he had always wanted.

"How you feeling?" Bobby greeted him as soon as he got downstairs. Dean nodded at him before making his way to the kitchen.

"Better..." Dean stopped just in front of the door and turned to look at Bobby. "Shouldn't you be working?"

"I have people to do things for me when I need a break," he shrugged. "That's why I'm the boss."

"Awww, were you worried?" Dean laughed. The only answer was a grunt, but both of them knew better. He put together some quick breakfast and went to sit in the main room with Bobby. "I'm gonna have to go shopping if you want to eat anything decent for supper."

"There's money on that cabinet. Get whatever you need."

Dean nodded and asked, "Did Sam get to school fine?"

"Yeah, don't worry about that."

"Thanks," he said anyway. He felt a bit guilty anytime they came to Bobby for help, especially with things that were Dean's responsibilities, like Sam. Bobby stood and clapped Dean's shoulder.

"I'm going to back to work now. You rest and don't leave the house if you're not feeling alright."

"Okay," Dean sang after him and he could hear Bobby's snort before leaving the room to go back to the garage he had at the back of the house. After he finished breakfast he just stayed lying on his sofa and watching re-runs of Doctor Sexy MD. He was surprised when the doorbell of the main door rang. It was still too early for Sam to be back and there weren't many people who actually visited Bobby on their own will. He checked the spot where the shotgun was hidden before opening the door.

"Cas? What are you doing here?" Dean frowned, the boy before him looking guiltily at the wooden floor. Dean smirked. "Did you skip school?"

"I was worried..." Cas muttered. "You didn't come to school and Sam said he heard you getting up in the middle of the night, but that this morning you were still asleep. And I was too worried to focus on class and... and..."

"Hey, hey, baby, it's okay," Dean said as he hauled him gently inside the house and made him sit on the sofa. He let him be for a few seconds, giving him space to calm down. Once Dean was sure Cas was alright, he grinned. "I'm actually quite proud of you."

"Are you?" A self-conscious smile spread on the boy's face.

"Of course I am. My baddass boyfriend is going against the school's rules because he was worried about me. What is there not to be proud about?" Dean grinned at him, and Cas, his face turning more and more red by the second, let his head fall on Dean's shoulder. He smiled and put his arm around Cas' shoulders, drinking in his warmth.

"How are you, Dean?" Cas finally asked.

"I told Bobby about the baby," Dean felt Cas twisting his neck to look at him better.

"How did it go?"

"Awesome," Dean said. "I... we talked and I think my mind is clearer now... about what I want."

"Have you decided?" Cas sat up, keeping their hips pressed together. Dean nodded and Cas tilted his head, waiting for an answer.

"What do you want, Cas?" Dean asked instead, looking seriously at him. "All this time and I never even thought to ask you."

"This is not about me, Dean," Cas shook his head. "It's your body, you who will suffer through it. It only matters what you want."

"But if I decided to keep the baby..." Dean let his voice trail off. After seconds of silence, he found the courage to ask the question. "What would you do?"

"I would remain by your side, the same as if you decided an abortion was the best option." Dean nodded and Cas stayed completely still, waiting for the words.

"It's not gonna be easy," Dean said.

"Neither option would be easy," Cas confirmed with a nod.

"I want to keep the baby, Cas," Dean said, his eyes fixed on how his hands were gripping his knees. The silence fell down heavy over him and he was getting desperate for an answer. Maybe Cas hadn't expected that, maybe he was regretting his words. "Cas?"

"Dean..." Dean looked up and saw Cas' face shining wet with tears. His trembling fingers were drumming on his legs. "Am I... am I going to be a father?"

"Yes."

"We're... we're..."

"We're going to be dads, Cas." Dean smiled so bright that Cas couldn't help but copy him. "You happy?"

"I don't have words to describe how much," Cas nodded. Dean laughed and he didn't even know if it was Cas' face, his happiness, or finally letting go of all the tension that did it. He just pulled Cas into a deep kiss and let it drag until they were both satisfied.

***

  
  


"We have to get up, I promised Bobby I would go shopping," said Dean curling further into Cas' body, his fingers lazily dragging over Cas' chest. "That man lives out of nothing but cans, I swear."

"Mmm," Cas nodded, his own hand firmly holding Dean's hip, his thumb caressing the soft curve that was still noticeable. "I don't see you moving, though."

"I guess not," Dean grinned and moved to start nibbling at Cas' neck. "Guess I'm not done with you yet."

"Should... should we doing this?" Cas hesitated, though his hand was starting to slip down to massage Dean's ass.

"Why shouldn't we?" Dean was getting up to straddle him.

"Because..." he stuttered and Dean smile, knowing what being naked like this on top of him, his lips traveling south from his neck, did to Cas. "The baby..."

"Oh," Dean stopped immediately and Cas grunted softly. "Kind of shoulda thought of that before round one, though."

"Yes... but I was careful not to put pressure on your stomach," Cas explained. Dean nodded slowly. "Lay down."

"Yes, sir," Dean's grinned spoke volumes on how much he liked the idea. As soon as his back touched the bed, Cas' hands were all over him, slow and hesitant at first, but big and possessive as soon as he checked where he was allowed to touch. "Goddamit, Cas."

"I detect a frustrated hint in your tone," Cas commented and his lips made his way through Dean's hips, moving slowly until he started to pepper kisses over Dean's stomach.

"God, Cas, you're so embarrassing," Dean grunted, but his hand kept on caressing Cas' hair.

"You're starting to show. Not much, though," Cas muttered and Dean's hand stopped. Cas took his eyes from the expanse of skin before him and looked at Dean's face. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing," Dean shook his head, but his forced smile wasn't enough to convince Castiel, who kept looking at him with a tilt of his head. "Keep going."

"Dean, please."

"I'm just thinking too much, baby," Dean cupped Cas' face in his hand. "Distract me."

Cas nodded and sank his head between Dean's legs, not hesitating in tasting him with his tongue, kissing and leaving light bites on the exact spots Cas knew would send Dean over the edge. The moans that immediately filled the room were proof that this was exactly what Dean wanted, his hand gripping firmly Cas' hair and helping him work a rhythm. Dean moved his legs, trying to give him more room and Cas quickly took them and put them over his shoulders, making it much easier for him to slip his tongue inside of Dean, Cas' fingers alternating between caressing around and brushing his clit.

Dean was still wet from their previous activities and ready as Cas wouldn't be for at least a few more minutes. It was obvious that Cas enjoyed doing this, enthusiastically focusing on giving Dean pleasure without his own sensations getting in the way. In seconds, Dean was reduced to gasps and moans and sighing Cas' name, his hands firm on Cas' hair encouraging to go faster, to go deeper. Cas happily obliged, sucking on him as his tongue ran all over the skin it could reach. Dean's fingers tightened on his hair and Cas could only hear his name moaned as Dean came on his mouth. Cas wiped his mouth with the back of his hand before laying beside Dean, who could only look at the ceiling with a blissed expression.

"Did you enjoy that?" Cas asked.

"Damn right I did," Dean turned his head to look at Cas. "You're really good at that."

"Thank you, Dean," Cas blushed a bit at the compliment. Dean chuckled and pulled him into a brief kiss.

"We should shower," Dean groaned. Cas nodded. "Are you staying for lunch?"

"I'd have to call home," Cas bit his lip. "Michael won't be pleased knowing that I skipped school."

"He doesn't need to know," Dean winked. "Don't worry, I'll help you with that."

"With lying?" Cas furrowed his brows.

"Yeah. I'm good with that," Dean laughed.

"I'm not comfortable lying, you know that," Cas pouted. Dean thought it was adorable.

"You don't want to go home now, do you?" Dean asked and Cas promptly shook his head. "When you really want something, Cas, you lie. I'll teach you how."

"I don't know if this is a good idea," Cas said, but his smile was growing bigger and bigger. Dean had heard those words so many times since they met; mostly it had ended up well. Mostly. "But I'll trust you."

"Awesome," Dean grinned at him and gave him a peck before getting out of bed. "Take your clothes and come. I'll get the shower ready."

Cas stayed there for a second, watching Dean shamelessly leave the room completely naked, swaying his hips most likely to get his attention. Cas smiled. Their life had changed so much since they had met. He got up and followed him.


	7. Chapter 7

"Wow, what a sight for sore eyes, Winchester. Has your Majesty finally lowered himself to roam among peasants like us?" Jo's sarcastic tone was the first thing Dean heard when he put a foot on the Roadhouse. It was early in the afternoon and Jo was wiping some tables alone, getting everything ready for the next wave of customers. Or, well, as much of a wave as a place like the Roadhouse could get.

It was a road bar: old and maybe not the cleanest place on Earth. The only people who actually stopped there were loners, truck drivers and travelers without much of anything to their names. It was also the first place in the whole country where Dean had found someone to call a friend. The owner, Ellen, was Jo's mom and an old friend of Bobby's and John's. It had never been clear what connection they had had, beside a vague "worked in same business" or "mutual benefits".  Whatever that business had been, it was long over: Dean couldn't think what mutual interest could a bar owner, a mechanic and a good for nothing father could have.

"Hello to you too, Jo," Dean waved at her and she left the rag on a table to go hug him tightly. Dean laughed softly before hugging her back.

"Now seriously, where have you been? We haven't seen you in a month and now mom tells me you're staying at Bobby's," Jo was looking at him in the dim light, her worried expression obvious on her face. Dean just shrugged before going to sit in the closest chair. "Dean..."

"It's complicated, things have happened and..." He shrugged again. Jo nodded slowly and Dean knew that he would have to explain himself further if there was any chance of her letting this go, but he could try.

"Did you fight with John again? I thought he had gotten over you being a boy ages ago," Jo sighed and sat in front of him.

"Something like that," Dean grimaced. He felt Jo's eyes fixed on his face, her brows a little furrowed.

"Come on, let's find Ash. He's been worried about you too," Jo got up and went to the door that took them upstairs to their house, Dean closely following her.

His hands were buried deep in the pockets of his leather jacket, keeping it closed tightly around him. He wouldn't have even left the house if Sam hadn't insisted he needed peace to study and Dean needed to go see his friends after nearly a month of no news from him. His baby bump was still too small to be seen through his thick layers of clothes, that was not the problem. The real problem was he had nearly cried in pain the last time he had tried to put on one of the tight binders. He could still put on the older ones, but they didn't work as well and even those he would have to give up sooner rather than later. Sam had insisted that it was alright, that he looked flat and no one would even notice if he wasn’t, because people didn't usually go around staring at dudes' chests.

Dean blinked slowly when he reached the top of the stairs, the windows of the house making it much brighter than the bar. The house itself was an austere place, nearly bare: just essential furniture like a sofa, a table and a few chairs and nothing else. It made sense, they barely used it since most of the time Ellen and her children were working at the bar. Dean knew where the real hearts of the house laid: the rooms.

"Ash, move your ass!" Jo shouted while she banged on one of the doors. "Dean's here!"

They heard a whimper and something dragging on the floor toward the door before it opened just a bit. Dean saw half of Ash’s face peeking from behind it.

"Hey, dude," Dean greeted.

"About time," Ash groaned and closed the door. There was some more rattling inside before the door opened again, revealing a fully dressed and mostly awake Ash. Everyone, Jo included, treated him like Jo's older brother, but even Dean knew the true story. More or less. He knew Ash's parents had suffered some sort of accident and Ash himself had been dropped at Ellen's house, left to her care. Jo vaguely remembered it, but she had been just a kid, so long ago that even her father had been alive. Of course, none of the adults ever talked about that.

"Yeah, sorry about that," Dean said slowly, becoming more and more nervous that now not only Jo but also Ash had their unblinking eyes fixed on him. "What?"

"You look different, buddy," Ash said, starting to walk around him to examine him from every perspective.

"Yeah, I had noticed something at the bar, but it was so dark I couldn't be sure," Jo, instead, was staring very closely to his face. "Something's different."

"You look softer... shinier."

"Shinier? What the fuck have you been smoking?" Dean chuckled, but both his friends could see the twitching in his eye. He sighed. "It's probably the reason I haven't come by in a month."

"Which is?" Jo asked. Dean avoided looking at their eyes and just went to sit on the sofa. Jo and Ash followed him without questions, just looking at him very suspiciously.

"Just for the record, I'm not shiny," he looked reprovingly to Ash, "I'm...pregnant."

"What? You're joking, right?" Jo shouted, punching him on the shoulder. "Don't joke about things like that!"

"I'm dead serious," Dean sighed, his hands starting to feel very sweaty suddenly. Ash was just looking at him nodding slowly, probably making sense on his head of all the signs he had seen. Jo was visibly freaking out.

"Oh my God... does Castiel know?"

"What? Of course he knows," Dean said in an offended tone.

"Of course. He's not giving you any trouble with the abortion, is he?" Jo asked and the look on Dean's face made her squint her eyes. "You're not gonna keep it, are you?"

"What if I did?" Dean muttered.

"Dean, you're twenty," Jo tried to reason. "You've just gone back to high school. You were gonna be the only one of us who wasn't a dropout."

"I don't have to quit school, Jo."

"No, but you will," Jo snorted. She was suddenly on her feet walking from one side of the room to the other. "I just don't understand, Dean. You're just getting your life back and you would throw it all away, for what exactly?"

"I don't have to justify myself to you," Dean said, his tone getting higher just like hers.

"No, but how are you justifying this to yourself?" Jo argued while Dean just looked at her, his expression as blank as before. "Look, I have to go help mum. We'll talk later."

And with that she stormed out of the room. Dean sighed and sagged on the cushions. He laid there unmoving until he couldn't bare the silence and Ash eyes on him.

"That didn't go as well as I expected. What is her problem anyway?" Dean asked. Ash just shrugged. "Aren't you gonna say anything?"

"Jo probably shouldn't have shouted to you," Ash shrugged again. "But I'm not sure you've thought this as through as you think."

"I've been thinking about nothing else for a month, man," Dean said, moving to lie on the sofa instead, suddenly feeling a bit dizzy. "Believe me, I know what I'm doing."

"I'll go talk with Jo," Ash nodded and left the room without another word. Dean was pretty sure in his mind he was shouting at him about how stupid he was too. Fucking great having friends like that, he thought. Kind of reminded him why he had been such a loner before they settled down. His father had taught him, hadn't he: you can’t trust anyone.

Dean didn't move, but it wasn’t much later when he heard the steps of someone coming up to the house.

"Jo, if you're going to shout more, please, save it," he groaned, but the steps just came closer. He heard a chair scrapping the floor and then silence.

"Look at me boy, I'm not gonna bite you," Ellen huffed. Dean felt his face grow pale because after Jo's reaction he was not ready to face Ellen. "Jo won't come back upstairs until she's calmed down."

"I don't understand why she got so upset," Dean hurried to say, knowing how protective Ellen was of her daughter.

"She's worried, but she doesn't know how to express herself in a normal tone," Ellen said and Dean nodded slowly. "Is what she said true?"

"The thing about me having a kid is, can't tell about the rest." Dean slowly sat up. The world was a little wobbly around him, but he felt too vulnerable to have this conversation laying on his back.

"Are you sure?" Ellen asked.

"You gonna lecture me, get on with it. You'd be the third in a row," Dean shrugged and looked away.

"I don't know that whatever your dad or Jo have told you count as an actual lecture," Ellen huffed. "This is very important. You can't make rush decisions."

"I know. Damn, of course I know," Dean spat. "I've known for a month already. I know I can do this."

"Doesn't mean you have to," Ellen said. Dean sighed to that, but she stopped him before he could say anything. "Dean, I know you're strong and I've seen you and Castiel together. Of course you can do this, but have you thought of the cost?"

"I have," Dean’s face grew very serious from one moment to the next. "I've thought about everything. I’ll finish highschool, I still have time. Cutting off T will suck, but it's only for a while. And once the kid is big enough I'll start working at Bobby's just as I planned. No biggie."

"Nothing will go as you planned it with a kid, believe me," Ellen laughed humorlessly. "When I was pregnant with Jo, I too thought I had everything under control. I had it all planned to the last detail. Everyone told me it was a mistake, that it was not the right time, but we were too stubborn to listen. Once I had her everything crumbled around us, all the things that we had to give up... and you're even younger than I was, and have more opportunities than I ever had."

"Right, because I was dying to go to college," Dean snorted, which gained him a scuff in the ear. He groaned in pain, "hey, pregnant, here. Be careful."

"I know you already have Bobby's support. You'll have mine too, whatever you do," Ellen ran her hand through his hair briefly before sitting straight again. "I just want you to be realistic. If you have the baby, all your future will be conditioned by it. Your needs and Cas' will come second. Have you thought about that?"

"I... " Dean hadn't. He had thought how he could manage, of course, but Cas... Cas was going to college, he was going to do something with his life. He cleared his throat. "We'll manage."

"Dean..."

"I'll take care of the baby, Cas will go to college. We'll be okay," Dean said looking at her in the eye. Maybe he hadn't thought about it before, but there wasn't much to think about. He had already decided.

"I hope you're right," Ellen patted him lightly on the shoulder. "You know where I am if there’s anything you need."

"Ellen," Dean called her before she could leave. He was fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. "Did you regret it? Having Jo."

"You're smarter than people give you credit for, boy," Ellen smiled at him before nodding. "Not for one second. Not even at the worst of it."

"That's what I thought," Dean smiled back a her.

"Lie down, you look a bit yellow. I'll talk with those damned kids."

***

  
  


Dean couldn’t tell when his hand has started to gravitate towards his belly, but he didn’t seem to be able to stay idle without one of his hands ending softly laid on top of the small bulge. He had noticed, but he hadn't thought it would be so obvious to people around him. As he laid on Bobby's sofa watching bad TV with his head on Cas' lap and his feet on Sam's, his hand, as had been the usual lately, had started rubbing his belly. He could also feel Cas' eyes fixed on this.

"Want something, baby?" Dean asked, turning a bit so he could look at his face.

"You look adorable," Cas said without changing his expression one bit. Sam snorted, but kept his eyes fixed on the TV.

"Cas..." Dean groaned as he turned to cover his face with Cas' leg, "you can't say things like that just because. Especially when there are other people present."

"Sorry, Dean. Did I upset you?" Cas asked, his voice sounding very concerned all of a sudden.

"Don't worry, Cas. He likes it," Sam said. "He's just too much of a jerk to admit it."

"You're the jerk, bitch" Dean kicked Sam's leg lightly. Sam groaned, but laughed under his breath. Sometimes the Winchester brothers confused Cas, but as much as they seemed to fight it was clear that they loved each other dearly, so he had learned not to worry. Suddenly, Dean turned his face to the ceiling, running his hand over his face. He stayed pensive for a few minutes, as Cas and Sam pretended to watch a film none of them was interested in.

"Does it... does it show too much?" Dean asked to no one in particular. "In my face."

"Does what show?" Sam asked and gave Cas a confused look, but the other boy looked just as confused as himself. "I don't see anything different in your face."

"Jo and Ash noticed. Ellen too, I think. They said my faced looked different," Dean explained half mumbling and he gulped. "Does it show that much that I've stopped taking T?"

Both Cas' and Sam's eyes opened in understanding. Of course Dean would be worried about it. Sam didn't know what to say, but Cas put his hands on Dean's cheeks and traced a line with his fingers around his face, his brows knitted in concentration.

"I don't think your face is rounder, yet," Cas determined, nodding to himself. "But it does feel softer. Shinier."

"Not you too," Dean groaned. "Sam, do I look shiny?"

"Now that you mention it..." Sam said and Dean just gave him a dirty eye.

"I don't shine," Dean stated with a tone that felt final and made Sam smile.

"I've read about this," Cas said, retrieving their attention. "When a person is pregnant, they develop a layer of thin, soft hair all over their face. It's nothing to worry about."

"If that's true then it's more reason for me to worry," Dean said. "Someone in school will notice, make the connection and..."

Dean pursed his lips together, not sure if he was unwilling or unable of saying another word. He felt Cas’ hand running through his hair, calming him, and Sam's worried eyes on him. Dean had told Ellen he had thought about everything... but maybe he hadn't. He definitely hadn't thought about how visible it would become that he was pregnant and what would happen once people knew about it...

"People in school don't know you're trans," Cas said in a soft voice.

"But they will," Dean huffed, trying to put his tough face on. "And then school won't be a safe place anymore for me or you."

The three of them stayed silent, Cas’ hand moving to his pocket to fiddle with whatever he had in there. Dean sat up and put his arm around Cas, bringing him closer to himself.

"Don't worry, Cas. We can always finish high school at home," Dean quickly kissed Cas' cheek, making him show the hint of a smile. "This school sucks anyway."

"Yes, it does," Cas nodded.

"Are you sure, guys?" Sam bit his lip.

"Yeah. I only started going because Bobby insisted," Dean said, his voice exuding confidence. Cas still wasn't looking up. "Cas?"

"I don't think Michael will let me," Cas said.

"You're eighteen, already. I don't think you need his permission," Sam said, looking alternatively between Dean and Cas.

"You don't have to tell him. You can come here every morning to study together, go back home with Anna, and he'll never know," Dean said as he slowly massaged his shoulders.

"More lies?" Cas brows furrowed and he closed his eyes.

"I'll help you. I promise it," Dean said so softly it was nearly a whisper. Cas sighed and let his head rest on Dean's shoulder. "Need anything?"

"Just..." Cas shook his head. "Let's watch another movie."

Dean nodded and signed Sam to go change it, while he kept Cas close and safe in his embrace, caressing his shoulders and whispering that everything was going to be alright, that all would be well at the end. Maybe if Dean said it enough times, he would end up believing it too.

***

  
  


"Boy, you don't have to do this," Bobby said as he parked in front of the Winchester's house. "You know you're more than welcome to stay in my house for as long as you want."

"I know," Sam shook his head, "but we'll have to come back sooner or later. It's our house and he's our dad. And I can't let Dean do this alone.  If dad is... not himself, he could hurt Dean and the baby."

"I think if you say that to Dean one more time he'll break your nose," Bobby huffed. He patted Sam's shoulder. "Come on, let's go inside."

Sam got out of the car and looked at the dark windows of the house. For a fleeting second he wished he had let Bobby take care of it all while he hid anywhere else, preferably near his big brother. He shook those thoughts right out of his mind. Dean had cared and protected him his entire life, sometimes even at the expense of his own well-being.  Sam could take care of him even if it was just this one time. He took the key out of his pocket and opened the door.

Everything inside was drowned in darkness, there wasn't even a faint light crawling from under a closed door. Maybe he would have to wait or, worse, go back to Bobby's without knowing where their dad was or even if he was okay. Bobby turned the light of the living room on and it became clear that John had, at least, been there recently. Empty bottles were piled on the coffee table and near the sofa. Sam heard Bobby mutter some curse before they both turned to the hallway where the rooms were.

It was pitch black too and Sam wanted to rush to his father's room, his heart racing on his chest. Bobby’s hand on his shoulder stopped him. He went before Sam and opened the door. Sam sighed in relief: sure enough, in the bed there was a slump form that could only be his father. He started to go inside the room, but Bobby's hand, still firm on his hand, made it impossible to move.

"Go pick your things up. I'll handle this," said Bobby in a dark tone.

"I can do it," Sam frowned, but Bobby just shook his head. Sam sighed and turned to go inside his room first. His ears were focused on catching even the softest voice, but so far he heard nothing but Bobby going back to the kitchen for a glass of water. He slipped the class books that he hadn’t brought with him before in his backpack.  As soon as he heard a door closing, he rushed to Dean's room. It was right beside John’s bedroom and the walls in the tiny house weren't that sturdy. He made sure to take the things Dean had asked him to as quickly as possible before pressing his ear to the wall.

"Could be doing a lot better if he hadn't had to run from home," Bobby was grumbling as he walked around the room.

"I know..." John sighed. He sounded so defeated that for a second Sam felt terribly guilty for eavesdropping like that. "I'm just worried about him. I knew he would be trouble since he was a little kid," Sam heard him snort. "Even when he had long hair, in every town it was the same: a bunch of girls and boys crazy about him." The silence prolonged for a few seconds, before Sam heard the sound of someone putting a glass on a table with a little more force than was necessary. "But I never thought he would do something like this."

"You've said that before," Bobby reminded him with a reproachful tone.

"This is different. Him being a boy, I get it. I needed my time to get used to it, but in the end I got it. This..." John's voice broke. "How can he be so stupid to put his life in danger like this?"

"He isn't terminally ill, just pregnant," Bobby huffed.

"He locked himself up in his room for nearly two years because the kid’s at school bullied him," John voice was stronger now, much scarier. "If he lets this go for too long, people will draw conclusions and it will begin again. But I bet he hadn't thought about that. Thinking has never been his forte."

"That's enough," Bobby said curtly. "You have no right to talk about it. You left him alone when he needed you the most and now he needs you again. So you're gonna swallow your stupid pride, sober up and tell him you're gonna be the dad you've never been."

"I haven't? And who do you think took care of him for a whole 12 years before you met him, uh?" John’s laugh was humorless and Sam was about to get as far from that wall as he could when he heard Bobby talk again.

"That doesn't matter," he sighed. "Dean is gonna need all the help he can get."

"What for?" John huffed. "I know he can pay for the clinic with his own money."

"He's going to keep the baby." Sam could feel the calm before the storm in Bobby's voice. For a few seconds everything went completely still.

"Well..." John voice was so soft that Sam nearly didn't hear him. "Then tell him not to bother coming back."

Sam rushed to the hallway but was stopped after a couple of steps by Bobby. Sam looked desperately at his face, his mouth open trying to gather the words to express all he felt... but there were none, no word was enough.

"Do you have everything you need?" Bobby asked, his tone nearly tender. Sam nodded. "Good. Let's go."

Sam turned and started walking before Bobby toward the door, leaving the house and turning to close the door with his key with nearly robotic movements. Then he felt it, he knew what he wanted to do. He wanted to go back inside and punch John in the face, shove him against every wall and remind him that Dean had been more of a father to Sam that he would ever be, that when Dean needed help he had always gone to Bobby; he needed to demand him to try and save whatever was left of their family. Then he felt Bobby's hand on his shoulder.

"Come on, boy. Your brother will be worried." And with those words all the fight went out of Sam and he just let himself be guided to the car. Dean was going to be devastated, even if he had already known their father wasn't going to be happy about him keeping the baby. And with all that was happening, it was the last thing Dean needed.

 


	8. Chapter 8

Dean turned in his bed to face away from the window and the light that came through it. He had been awake long enough to see the dark sky beyond the window lighten little by little, to hear his little brother waking up and getting ready to school. Sam had tried to get him out of bed, too, telling him he understood, but that it would only be worse for him if he insisted on staying shut in, all to no avail. Dean loved the kid and he hated making him worry like that, but there was no way he understood.

A bit later, Bobby had tried to lure him out of bed, telling him he would let Dean go to the garage if he promised to keep the strain at a reasonable level. And Dean would have loved to beat the shit out of a car with the excuse of looking for scraps, but he doubted that fell under Bobby's definition of "reasonable." So he just told him he was tired and needed to rest. And part of it was true, Dean was sure he had fallen asleep once or twice through the day, his body trying to make up for the fitful sleep of the night before. Mostly, though, it was that he was having a hard time thinking of a reason good enough to leave the room.

Hours later, Dean woke up again to the sound of someone knocking of the bedroom door. He frowned: Dean couldn’t remember the last time either Sam or Bobby had bothered knocking before going in. Maybe the situation was way more out of control that he had thought.

"What do you want?" He groaned anyway.

"Can... can I come in?" Cas’ hesitant voice came in and Dean was sitting up immediately.

"Cas, come in!" Dean smiled when he saw his boyfriend slipping inside and closing the door after himself. Smiling felt good, he had forgotten. "What are you doing here?"

"You didn't come to school, again, and Sam told me you were refusing to get out of bed," Cas said as he went and sat beside Dean. "He also told me what happened with your father."

"I've heard..." Dean snorted, but Cas finger on his lips stopped him.

"Worse, I know. It doesn't matter," Cas said slowly. "It hurts every time, I know."

"I didn't expect dad to be happy when he learned about me keeping the baby," Dean shrugged. "At least I didn't have to hear him say it."

"So, you're okay?"

"Of course I am."

"Then give me a good reason why you've skipped school," Cas was looking at him deadpan.

"What for?" Dean snorted and laid back in bed, not wanting to face Cas. "I'm gonna drop out anyway, why do I have to put up with it anymore?"

"You're not 'dropping out'," Cas said and Dean snorted when he saw the air quotes out of the corner of his eyes. "We'll take classes online and graduate. That is the plan, right?"

"Cas..." Dean turned to look at him. "Maybe I'll do it, maybe I won't, but you don't need to. You can graduate the normal way, just like everyone else."

"Not like everyone else, I'm a year older than the rest of our class," Cas reasoned. "And I don't really want to go to classes if you're not going to be there."

Dean raised his head enough to look at him. Cas was being completely serious and, well, Dean could see his point. They had been outsiders from the first day and Dean was sure the only reason he hadn't dropped out of school before was because he knew Cas would be there. The other kids avoided them and Anna and Sam could only be with Cas so much time. But maybe, the reason neither of them had mingled with the rest was that they’d taken to each other too soon and had left no space for anybody else. Dean reached Cas' arm and tugged until he was lying next to him. Cas squirmed to take his shoes off before laying completely on the bed.

"I think you would do just fine in the end. You're stronger than you look," Dean reached to kiss him before Cas could open his mouth to protest.

"Does that mean you're not going to school tomorrow?" Cas frowned.

"Come on, man. It's Thursday already," Dean laughed, but Cas was still pinning him with that look.

"Will you at least get out of bed?" Cas' half begging tone made Dean's heart skip a beat.

"I... I need time, Cas, to..." and then it was clear in his mind what he really needed. "I think I need to get away from here for a few days."

"What do you mean?"

"A road trip. Go as far as I can, just me, my car and the road," Dean was smiling just from thinking about it. He had spent eight years on the road and, even if he wouldn't go back to that life again, sometimes he missed it. "I need to clear my head."

"I'll go with you" Cas determined voice surprised him.

"You sure?" Dean asked. Cas squirmed a little, but looked but at him and nodded. "You'll have to skip school tomorrow and be gone from your house through the weekend. How is Michael gonna take it?"

"I... I'll tell him the truth. That I'm going on a trip with my friend," Cas brows were knitted in thought. "I think he'll like that, he often complains that I never do anything 'fun' and that I'm too 'asocial'."

"If only he knew," Dean laughed, thinking about all the 'fun' he and Cas had had together.

"Where will we go?" Cas asked and Dean closed his eyes. Well, he had already known that Cas coming with him would mean this trip would be a bit less spontaneous that he had planned, but he was quite surprised Cas had decided to change his plans just one day ahead. And besides, everything would be a hundred times better with Cas by his side, he could make this small concession.

"Let's go down. I need to see the maps on Sam's computer."

***

  
  


Dean finished packing the last of the clothes he was going to bring in his duffel bag under the attentive stare of both Cas and Sam. Cas had been a bit shaken when he had arrived, still surprised Michael didn’t mind him skipping a day of school, but he had time since to calm down. He had been at their doorstep before anyone of them had woken up, with just a handful of hours slept and very anxious to make sure everything went according to the plan.

Dean had taken his time making make sure Cas calmed down and ate something before going upstairs. Not long after they had gone up to pack, Sam had appeared in the room wearing a disapproving expression.

"Are you still sure you'll be fine?" Sam asked. Again. Dean sighed and debated not even answering to the question, but Cas beat him to it.

"I'll make sure Dean takes his vitamins and I have my medicines with me, too. You have our numbers and we have yours, in case we have an emergency. Which we won't," Cas assured him, not taking his eyes from what Dean was putting inside his bag. Dean swore they were worse than airport security.

"Just... call when you're there, okay?" Sam said and bit his lip. "I wish I could go too."

"Sorry, Sammy. No cockblocking on our honeymoon," Dean laughed and saw Sam's face rapidly turning red.

"TMI, jerk," Sam managed to squeak. "Just promise you won't do anything rash, okay?"

"And when have I done something like that?" Dean finally closed the bag and reached to pick it up. Before he could even touch it, Cas and Sam had their hands over it. Dean blinked at them both before understanding what was happening. "Oh, come on! It's not that heavy, I can lift that much."

"No, you can't," Sam said reproachfully as he let Cas take the bag.

"I'm pretty sure that when the doctor said 'no heavy lifting' she didn't mean a bag with three shirts and a couple of jeans," Dean huffed, but lead the way out of the house. He had said goodbye to Bobby before he had left for work, complete with threats in case he didn't call as soon as they reached their destination. Outside, the Impala was waiting and, once they were out of town, he would only have to care about the road before him. Dean sighed as he closed the trunk: he had been way too long in the same place.

"Ready?" He grinned at Cas, who answered with his own shy smile as his eyes practically twinkled.

"Ready," Cas nodded.

"Okay. Sammy, take care," Dean turned and found himself completely surrounded by the arms of his brother. When had that kid gone and grown so big? It didn't matter as he hugged back.

"You too," Sam slapped his shoulder and let them get inside the car. He stood by the road until the car turned at the end of the street and he could see them no more.


	9. Chapter 9

Sunday morning, Dean woke up flinching at the light that was already coming into the room. He reached with his hand to the spot beside him in the big bed, but it was empty. Groaning, he turned around in the bed. At least it was still warm.

"Cas? You around?" Dean called.

"Right here," Dean heard Cas’ voice. Dean sat up, looking around to see Cas sitting by the window, his legs pulled up on the chair and surrounded by his arms. Dean smiled at the beautiful vision he made and stood up to go and kneel by his side.

"Are you happy?" Dean asked, planting a path of kisses along his arm.

"I'm with you," Cas replied with the hint of a smile and stood up. He offered him his hand. "Come, it's time for breakfast."

"Can't it wait a bit?" Dean grinned at him as he let Cas help him up. "Don't you wanna stay in bed for a little while?"

"Aren't you hungry?" Cas crooked an eyebrow at him. "It's already pretty late, I've been awake for a while."

"Okay," Dean laughed while Cas looked a bit perplexed at him. "What I meant is if you want to stay in a little longer so we can have sex."

"Oh," Cas mouth formed a perfect 'o' before turning into a grin. "I'd like that very much."

Dean took his hand and gestured toward the bed with his head, but before he could take a step toward it Cas had already captured his lips in a passionate kiss. Cas’ tongue stroked Dean’s lips and tongue, until they broke the kiss with Cas biting Dean's lower lip. Both of them were panting, looking into each other’s eyes before carefully falling into bed, their hands tangled in what little clothes they had left, pulling and getting them out of the way, kissing every inch of skin available.

"I've missed this," Dean said. "I've missed you."

They were a tangle with the sheets, leaning into each other as much as the temperature would allow them, their skin sticky and their muscles relaxed. Cas’ hand carefully ran over Dean's stomach, tracing the little lump that was starting to grow there.

"You're really starting to show," Cas whispered.

"Yeah, soon I won't be able to go around much," Dean sighed leaning further into Cas' touch.

"Does it bother you?" Cas asked, looking at him with clear eyes.

"Yes, a bit," Dean bit his lip. "Much less than I thought it would, though."

"Really?" Cas had the hint of a smile on his face.

"Were you worried about me?" Dean teased, but his smile dropped when he saw Cas' face turning serious.

"I always worry about you," Cas explained and Dean gulped at his tone. "Especially from now on that people will start to notice."

"Nah, Cas, I'll be okay," Dean said. "Maybe I'll have to stick to my house for a few months, but I'll be fine."

"Yes, I believe you will," Cas smiled and turned to kiss him. Dean responded to the kiss, but his mind had started to wander elsewhere. He had known there would come a day when his baby bump became too obvious to hide and that the possibility existed that other people would see and came to a conclusion. Dean hadn’t thought how that would also affect Cas, though. They were always together, Cas literally had no other friends than the Winchester brothers... it would be imposible to hide their relationship then. If Michael ever learnt of it... pushing those thoughts as far away as he could, he turned to bury himself further in Cas' arms.

***

  
  


Cas' head was resting on the passenger side window by the time they saw the "Lawrence - City Limit" sign. Dean shook his shoulder softly to wake him up. Cas grunted, but soon his big blue eyes were looking at him. It made his stomach turn, knowing how he was going to shatter the light in those eyes. Dean bit his lip as he deliberately concentrated all his attention on the road. During their trip he had had more than enough time to go through all the maybes and whaf-ifs, and the conclusion had always been the same: Cas would be better off without him.

After a few minutes more of driving in which Cas woke up properly, Dean finally parked in front of Cas' house. They both undid their seatbelts in silence and Cas turned to look at him smiling. Dean pressed his lips together.

"I've had a wonderful time, Dean," Cas said, reaching with his hand with the intention of holding Dean's, but he stop Cas before they could touch.

"Cas," Dean gulped, but to no avail: it was like trying to talk through sandpaper. "I... I have to tell you something."

"What?" Cas' smile immediately fell, as did his eyes. "It's not going to be good, is it?"

"No," Dean confirmed. When Cas didn't move, he continued talking. "I can't ruin your life, Cas."

"What does that even mean?" Cas snorted.

"You're smart, don’t even try to deny that. But what's more, you have an opportunity to get out of here and have a life," Dean's eyes were fixed on the steering wheel as he spoke. "You deserve better than to throw it all away for a drop-out like me just because I was stupid enough to get myself pregnant."

"Dean, I don't understand," Cas' voice was wavering and Dean could feel his eyes fixed on his face, looking for an answer.

"You know what would happen if Michael finds out about us," Dean could see in the corner of his eye how Cas nodded. "If we go on like this he'll find out, you know that."

They both stayed in silence for minutes, Cas looking alternatively at Dean's still turned face and his own hands. He picked at the hem of his shirt, his mouth opening and closing with no words leaving him. Finally, he turned to look outside the window.

"You can't possibly mean what I think you do, right?" Cas said slowly. "You can't say that you're worried about me and..."

"It's not... I'm not breaking up with you," Dean said gripping the steering wheel tighter, because he knew Cas would not welcome being touched right then. "Just... fake it until it's safe for you. It’s for the best."

"How?" Cas laughed at that point, but it was a sound devoid of humor.

"You'll go to college, discover the world that exists outside Lawrence. Hell, finally get away from Michael, from all this," Dean said, his fingers turning white from holding the steering wheel.

"I don't want to go college, Dean," Cas growled.

"That's..."

"None of you ever listen to me. You think I'm scared or that I don’t know what I want, but it's not true," Cas’ feet were rapidly tapping on the floor of the car and his face was still turned away. "You all think I'm a child you need to take care of."

"No, Cas..." Dean sighed.

"You're doing this because you don't think I can make my own choices, because you think you get to decide what's best for me" Cas said, completely defeated.

"It's... it really is for the best," Dean finally said.

"I thought you were above that crap," Cas muttered so softly that Dean nearly didn't hear him. Cas fixed his eyes on the house: all the windows were dark, so at least he wouldn't have to deal with Michael tonight. "I'm going to leave now."

The words 'I'm sorry' wanted to leave Dean's mouth, so he kept it stubbornly closed as Cas picked up his bag and got out of the car. He stayed until he saw the door to the house close behind Cas before he drove to Bobby's. As he parked, he saw the world go blurry around him and sighed. Tears fell down his face as he sat there, not moving, not doing anything and, more importantly, not thinking.

He had done what he had to do. He had known that Cas would be angry. Maybe now Cas would decide he had had enough of him, maybe this would be the last straw and Cas would finally break up with him. Dean would not even complain.

It would hurt, of course, but in a few years both him and Cas would agree it had been for the best. Someday Cas would have a good job, a college graduate boyfriend and a perfect life; Dean knew he could never give him any of that, that he didn't fit in that picture. Once the tears stopped flowing, he found himself with a hand over the slight round curve of his belly.

"We'll be fine, little one. We'll be fine."


	10. Chapter 10

"Who the hell are you?" John asked the stranger standing on his doorstep. His perfectly combed hair and impeccable suit made John scrunch his nose. "If you're trying to sell me your God, you can save it."

"No, sir," his smile became more forced than it already was. "My name is Michael Novak, we used to be neighbors. I'm also Castiel's older brother and legal guardian."

"Then I suspect your visit has something to do with Dean," John grumbled. He looked inside the house and back outside, not sure if closing the door on Michael's face would be the best idea. "He's not home."

"Probably that's for the best. So the adults can speak together," Michael's pleasant expression fell and he looked just sad about what he was about to say. Of course, John wasn't so naive as to be deceived by something like that. "I've heard some disturbing news recently."

"Come in," John said finally, stepping aside to let the other man go inside. He sighed, frowning, reasoning that he could kick that scrawny boy out of his house the minute he grew tired of the company. They stood in the middle of the living room. "So, what news did you hear?"

"More rumors, really. But they have me worried," Michael smiled apologetically. "There's no way to soften the blow. I heard that my brother is dating your daughter and that she's pregnant. Now, I now Castiel is a sensible boy..."

"What about it?" John asked and shrugged. "That boy has been dating my son for months, now. No big news there."

"Oh, so you knew?" Michael asked and shook his head. "Castiel never tells me anything, no wonder he has ended like this. He never listens."

"He's 19, old enough to make his decisions and live with the consequences," John said. He didn't know what had moved him to talk like that, but something inside of him was starting to burn, something that felt very much like rage. "Dating Dean is not the worst of them, I think."

"I don't want to show disrespect, sir, but my brother is a very smart young boy, first of his class. I'm sure he'll be able to attend any college he chooses. From what I know, your daughter is a mechanic and has no further aspiration in life."

"Being a mechanic has put food in both my boy’s mouths just fine," John growled.

"Sorry if I offended you. This is not what I'm here to talk about," Michael's business smile was back on his face, his eyes cold as ice. "I wanted to ask when Dean is going to, well... solve this little problem. I would like to help in any way...”

"I'll save you that. Stubborn boy is all set to have the kid, wouldn't even want to hear about getting rid of it," John said and saw how Michael's face paled in a matter of seconds.

"Is that so?" Michael coughed. "You must understand that this cannot be, sir. I'm not about to let your daughter’s selfishness ruin my brother's life."

"My SON has made a choice," John said, speaking a bit louder than necessary. "If that's all you wanted to say, get out of my house."

"Sir, I..."

"Out," John growled. Michael held his eyes, his whole expression losing the last trace of gentleness it had held.

"Your whore of a daughter is not going to ruin my family. Heed my words," Michael's tone was flat, his cold eyes not leaving John's for a second. "Have a nice day."

John sighed. Before he could say anything, Michael was gone. He went to the kitchen and took a bottle of beer from the fridge, eyeing the whiskey for a second. Maybe later, maybe he needed to stay sober for a bit longer tonight. Who knew, maybe today would be the day Dean and Sam would call.

***

  
  


One knock on his door woke Cas up. With a groan, he turned to see the clock on his bedside table: it was already time to be up and about or he wouldn't make it to class. He buried his face on the pillow, remembering what had happened the day before. Dean would probably miss school again, even if the goal of the weekend away had been precisely to relax so he could go back to classes. Cas had seen how often Dean's hand had stopped on his belly and complained about how every part of his body felt wrong. Cas' eyes opened wide. Dean wasn't going back to school at all, not like that. Cas didn't move one inch from where he was lying in bed, what for?

"Cas! Michael is calling, breakfast is ready!" Anna shouted from outside his room, but Cas didn't even think about replying. "Cas, can I come inside?"

"Yes," Cas groaned. Somehow Anna heard him, because not one second later she closed the door after her and sat on the bed beside him. She started to caress his hair.

"Did something happen with Dean?" She asked, not wasting any time on niceties that would only make Cas more confused. Cas nodded with his face still hidden by the pillow. "Let me guess. He's been an idiot."

"Yes," Cas sighed, turning his head slightly so he could breathe properly.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Anna asked and Cas thought about it for a second. No, talking about it with Anna would not make him less angry with Dean, it would not make him feel less lost when the person he had trusted most had decided he knew what was best for Castiel.

"No," he said. After a second he remembered that curt answers like that usually made people worry for some reason, so he added. "It's okay, I'll talk with Dean later."

"That's good," Anna smiled at him. "Now get up or we'll be late for school."

"I don't want to go to school today," Cas groaned.

"Michael will know you're not sick and he'll think it's because of your weekend trip," Anna said worrying her lower lip. "Can you at least leave with me?"

"Yes, I think I can do that," Cas nodded and let Anna help him up and out of his bed. Together, they went down the stairs to the kitchen where Michael was finishing serving juice for all of them. They sat together and said grace before starting to eat in silence. Cas was grateful that none of them had much to say that early in the morning, so he could just eat in peace. He was sure if Michael asked him anything his face would show how he had plans for skipping school, that it would show even how he wasn't sure if he wanted to go visit Dean so soon or risk staying home. Anna gulped the last of her juice and rushed upstairs to get dressed.

"Castiel, wait a minute," Michael said barely lifting his eyes from his food just when Cas was about to stand up. Cas nodded, but he felt his hands starting to tremble. "Just a second, I don't want you to be late for school. This friend you were with this weekend..."

"Dean?" Cas provided, gulping after saying the name. Michael nodded.

"Yes, I've heard some things about her and you. I'm sure they're not true," Michael looked directly at his eyes to make sure the message was clear. Cas shivered under his gaze, but knew dropping his eyes would had far worse consequences than looking back. "But to make sure rumors don't affect our family, I think it's best if you stop seeing her."

"Dean is my friend," Cas stuttered before he could think twice. The frown on Michael's face made clear that it was the wrong answer.

"Don't push your luck, Castiel. Don't think you're not already in trouble for lying to me," Michael sighed and started to pick up the empty plates on the table. "You told me it was a trip with a male friend, not with some wench."

"Dean..." Cas nearly gasped. He was shivering, knowing he shouldn't talk back to Michael, that it would be worse, but... Michael had insulted Dean. "Dean is male and he's my friend."

"'He is a whore you've been stupid enough to get pregnant!" Michael punched the table so hard it made the cutlery rattle. "You should be grateful I'm saving you from your own mess!"

'I love Dean' Cas thought, 'I love Dean. Our child was unexpected, but not a mess, not less loved. I love them'. All the words mixed together in his brain, repeating themselves in an unstoppable loop. The only thing Cas could do was stay very still and breathe, breathe for air that wasn't reaching his lungs. He had to do something, but he couldn't. Cas felt a pair of hands on his shoulders and a lot of noises around him, voices he couldn't understand.

Cas felt himself moving, guided by a gentle presence toward somewhere soft. He watched the world rocking back and forth, it was interesting, he couldn't understand why was everything moving. No, the world was still; it was him who was rocking himself. He blinked and soon he could stop, relieved that he could breathe at last.

"What have you done?" A pleading voice asked beside him. Cas turned his head slightly to see Anna and her eyes filled with tears.

"What...happened?" Cas whispered.

"You... you shouted to Michael," Anna whimpered.

"I don't remember."

"He told you he wants you out of the house by the time he comes back," Anna said, her tears starting to roll down her face. She bit her lip. "I think you can still apologize, but..."

"What did I say?" Cas asked, feeling his body relax. He knew in a few minutes he wouldn't be able to keep his eyes open and he needed to know.

"That you love Dean, that you're going to keep the child," Anna said with a ragged laugh. "It was pretty awesome."

"But..."

"Yes..." Anna sighed. "Maybe it's for the best. I think you should go stay with Dean for a few days, until we think of a solution."

"I have nothing, Anna," Cas whimpered, his brain going over the little money he had saved under his bed, how he could fit all his clothes in as little bags as possible.

"Don't worry about that," she said in the most convincing tone she could use. "You need to be safe first."

Cas nodded in agreement. He saw how Anna took out every duffle bag and suitcase he owned and started to fill them with his clothes. Cas sighed. In a minute he would get up and help her collect his things, all his life. He needed a couple more minutes to make sure he still could breathe.


	11. Chapter 11

One step, then another. It was quite the distance from Cas' house to Bobby's, but he couldn't waste even just a second inside the house. Michael had gone to work, but it wouldn't be the first time he had come back to the house when he was supposed to be somewhere else. So Cas took his duffle and a backpack and walked, one step after the other for however far his legs would take him. Everything around him was getting in and out of focus every few minutes, but he just walked the sidewalk knowing he was heading generally in the right direction.

"Hey! Cas!" Castiel heard a voice call his name. He blinked twice, still walking, debating for a second if he was stopping or running away. A hand on his shoulder took the choice from him. "Come, get into the car."

Cas didn't move, just stood there, feeling the warmth of the hand on his shoulder. He slowly turned his head until he saw Dean's worried face. Cas opened his mouth, trying to say something: "I'm sorry", "please help me", "I love you"... anything, but no words could leave him. The hand on his shoulder pushed him softly in the direction of the car stopped just by the sidewalk.

"Come on, let's go somewhere safe," Dean said in a low voice and Cas just let him direct him to wherever he wanted. Somewhere safe sounded good to him, anyway. Slowly, he became aware of the car moving, of the leather under his hands and the stream of tears on his cheeks. Blinking, he tried to dry them with his hands, but the effort to move even just a finger felt like too much, so he gave up and closed his eyes. The sound of voices a few feet from him lulled him back to reality.

"Did Anna call again?" That was Dean’s voice. "Okay, I'll call her later. Take his stuff upstairs, I'll wake him up."

"Is that a good idea?" Sam's voice asked.

"I can't leave him sleeping in the car and none of us can carry him anymore," Dean grunted. Cas opened his eyes when he heard the car door opening beside him. "Hey, handsome, you awake?"

Cas nodded and let Dean help him out of the car. At least he felt he could walk long enough to get inside the house on his own. Without letting go of Dean's hand, they went inside and upstairs into the guest room that now was the Winchesters room. Cas laid on the bed as Dean ushered Sam out of the room and closed the door. Cas didn’t even blink when he saw Dean take off his shirt in a rush and practically rip his binder out, forcing himself to cough a few times before taking a sports bra from one of the drawers.

Dressed again, Dean sat on the bed in front of Cas, his fingers interwoven together tightly in an effort not to reach toward Cas. Cas fixed his eyes on Dean's perfect hands and this time he felt the tears fall from his eyes, but it made no sense to try and stop them, both of them knew. When he felt them stopping on their own, he moved to the farthest side of the bed.

"Do you want me there?" Dean asked when he saw Cas looking at him but saying nothing. Cas nodded slowly and Dean rushed to lay by his side. "You're going to be okay, Cas."

"You can't know that," Cas whispered back. Dean raised his hand slowly toward Cas' hair, softly petting it when he was sure Cas wasn't going to stop him.

"You and I together, man, what can go wrong?" Dean chuckled. Cas frowned at him, but burrowed closer until their bodies were pressed against each other. Dean let his hand fall naturally to Cas' waist. "I don't know if this is the best moment, but... I'm sorry about what I said."

"You were worried this would happen," Cas told him.

"I was a jerk. Only you can decide what you want to do in the future," Dean said, making sure Cas' head was still tucked under his chin. It wouldn’t have been as easy to admit something like that looking at his face. Cas just nodded.

"Did Anna call you?" Cas asked.

"First thing she did after you left," Dean said and bit his lip. "I... this wouldn't have happened if I hadn't..."

"It's not your fault," Cas tone was final, so Dean let it drop. "It's me who is sorry, coming here in this state..."

"Hey, no," Dean interrupted him. "If I'm not allowed to feel guilty, you can’t either."

"I don't know what I'm going to do," Cas said and he had to force himself to breathe deeply to stay as calm as possible.

"You'll stay here with us," Dean said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. "It's going to be a bit cramped, but we'll figure something out."

"I'm sorry..." he said again. Dean kissed the top of his head, inhaling his scent. And to think he had thought he was ready to give up on Cas if things ended up that way... now he couldn't imagine. Dean needed Cas as much as Cas needed him. Cas hand wandered to his slightly swollen stomach: soon there would be a little human being who would need them both.

"It's starting to show," Dean said. "I can't even wear my binder. Not without a lot of pain, anyhow."

"Do you... do you regret...?" Cas' voice quivered with uncertainty.

"Not for a second," Dean reassured him.

"Do you think we'll be good fathers?" Cas wondered. It was something he hadn't even considered until a few days back. Knowing Dean was pregnant and actually getting that there was a baby growing inside of him that would be theirs were two very different things. Cas didn't like to think much about everything that could go wrong: he would spend the days buried in Dean's arms if he did too much of that thinking. Still, with Dean there...

"You'll be, I'm sure of it," Dean laughed. "And I'll try my best not to be a bad influence."

"Don't self-deprecate like that," Cas tutted at him. "You're great with kids and our child will be lucky to have you as their father."

"Wow..." Dean said. "Father... that sounds..."

"Big?"

"Gigantic," Dean laughed nervously.

"As you were saying," Cas said with a little peck, "we'll be fine."

***

  
  


"Dean..." Sam voice came from the door. When Dean looked up there he was, biting his lip and looking doubtful. "Dad's phoned."

"What?" Dean sat up in a hurry. Those had been the last words Dean would have expected.

"He wants to speak with you," Sam said looking briefly at the floor before looking up to Dean's eyes again. "He... I don't know, seemed to be worried about you. I would have told him to go to hell if he didn't."

"Okay," Dean sighed, his feet already on the floor. If his father wanted to voluntarily speak with him, who was Dean to deny him? Maybe it was a sign that things were actually going to get better. He looked back at Cas, who still was laying on the bed. "Will you be okay?"

"I can survive a few minutes without you," Cas half huffed, but in his lips was a small smile.

"Okay," Dean repeated and started to walk. As soon as he was outside the bedroom he rushed downstairs with Sam close behind him. Dean stopped at the bottom of the stairs and turned to tell Sam to go away, but his pressed lips and determined face make him forget about it even before he said a word. The kid was nearly as stubborn as their father and had no chance of stopping either of them from doing something they had set their mind in. He breathed deeply and walked with firm steps toward the phone that was lying on the table.

"Dad?" Dean said, his voice as cold and levered as if he wasn't speaking to the father that had kicked him out of home weeks ago.

"Dean?" God, Sam had been right. John sounded so... unlike his ruthless usual self. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, dad, I'm fine," Dean said slowly. He cleared his throat, not sure if he should speak more than to answer John's questions, but not knowing was way worse than whatever he could say to Dean. "Did anything happen?"

"Yesterday, your... friend's older brother paid me a visit. I had to make sure he hadn't found you," John said. Dean frowned for a second before everything finally fell into place. Michael. He had learned about him and kicked Cas out of his house, that much he had known, but to go to his own house and confront his dad about it... Dean felt his free hand clenching into a tight fist and wished he never had to face Michael. He wasn't sure he would be able to contain the rage he was feeling.

"Did something happen? Did you...?" Dean inquired quickly.

"No, nothing like that," John actually laughed. "He would've deserved it, though, after what he said. But he wasn't worth it."

"Good."

"Made sure to make it clear he would be wise to think twice before messing with my boys," John's tone was light, but he knew him well enough not to notice how careful he was being. Dean blinked twice before feeling a smile spread on his face. It wasn't an apology, not that he expected to ever receive one, but at least it was something.

"Is everything okay there?" Dean surprised himself asking. He felt Sam rushing to sit down beside him, looking at him with wide opened eyes. Dean's smile seemed to set him at ease a bit, at least.

"Well..." John huffed and Dean could feel himself tensing. "As good as you could expect."

"I..." what could he say? That he wanted to go back home? He worried his lip. It was obvious they had overstayed at Bobby's and that dad needed him there. On the other hand, he needed a safe space for the sake of his baby and now Cas needed him too.

"I know I have no right to ask you to come back," John's voice sounded more sincere than he had ever heard. "Just... think about it."

"Do you want us back?" Dean's words left his mouth before he could think them properly.

"We've gone through so much... maybe it's time to end the fight and just live. Though beats me if I know how," John laughed again.

"Yeah... well, we'll get there dad. Don't worry," Dean said. They said goodbye and even if it felt a bit rushed and a bit awkward, when Dean left the phone he felt his body sagged on the couch. Sam was staring at him, not saying a word. Dean laughed.

"Come on, spit it."

"What did he...? How...?"

"He wants us back," Dean flashed him a grin that rapidly fell when he saw no reaction on Sam's face. "What?"

"Are you sure?"

"I'm not saying we should go back right now," Dean groaned. "Just... that we should be thinking about it."

"And dad's suddenly perfectly okay with you being pregnant," Sam huffed.

"Sam, you're such a party pooper." Dean groaned and stayed silent for a second, playing with the edge of his shirt. "I think he misses us."

"You mean he misses you taking care of everything."

"Sam! He needs me, okay? Man's got enough on his plate," Dean said. "He stood up for me against Michael."

"What?"

"Apparently he went to our house, to speak to dad about this," Dean pointed at his belly. Sam sighed and sagged on the couch too.

"And he defended you?"

"Looks like it," Dean said. "You've always been too hard on dad."

"Because he's been a delight to us," Sam huffed.

"What I mean is... maybe you should give him a chance. Hell, maybe all of this could make him see there's a reason to change."

"He said that?"

"Good as," the both of them stayed there in silence.

"Maybe we can go visit him next week," Sam said. Dean smiled at him and patted his shoulder, before standing up.

"I'm going to see how Cas is doing."


	12. Chapter 12

Cas was splayed on the bed where he and Dean had been sleeping for the past week,  clutching a worn out book in his hands. He wasn't reading as much as repeating random pages of it to himself.  He knew the story well enough to recognize what the random words meant, enough to calm him down.

He was alone in the house. Bobby was at work, which was to be expected since he appeared to work at all hours of the day. It was the Winchester brothers who worried him.

After the first call, John and Dean had been speaking on the phone about every other day, sometimes even Sam picking it up to say a couple of words. Things had been good enough, much better than any of them had expected,and Dean had decided it was time they actually went and pay the man a visit.

Dean had told him that it was fine, that he was sure his father had changed his mind, realized he had decided in the heat of the moment and that there were worse things than having a pregnant son, like having no sons at all. Still, Cas had asked Sam to take Dean out of the house if things seemed to get hairy. He had been shouted at and slapped enough times to know what that apparent calm could hide. And John had last saw Dean two months ago; maybe seeing him now that he was starting his four month of pregnancy, unable to properly bind and his bump showing unless he wore the loosest of his shirts, was more than John Winchester could take.

Cas turned around to get more comfortable when he felt his phone vibrating on the bedside table. He picked it up after he saw the name "Anna" on the screen.

"Yes?" Cas asked. He had only talked with Anna once since he had to leave the house. Michael was still furious, but as long as she didn't mention Cas he wouldn't let his rage out on her. They both knew how it worked, after being left behind by three of their siblings at three distinct times. Cas had heard Anna talking with at least one of them on the phone, but had never mentioned it. He missed them, but the risk of Michael finding out had felt too big at the time, making the effort of talking on the phone seem not worth it.

"Hey, Cas! How is it going?" Anna greeted, more cheerful than he would have expected.

"I'm... fine, Dean is taking care of me," Cas answered and furrowed his brow "Do you sound happy?"

"I do!" Anna laughed. "I'm out of the house, Cas. Out forever!"

"What did you do?" Cas asked arching an eyebrow.

"I told you I would fix this, brother," she singsonged. "I've been talking with our siblings. Well, two of them."

Cas nodded, even if she couldn't see him. It was left unsaid which sibling she wouldn't have spoken with, both of them knowing that none of them both would be willing to contact. Luziel, alias Lucifer, who had left too many unpleasant memories in their minds.

"And they want to help us. One of them has actually told me that if the situation had gotten so bad we should've called ages ago," Anna took a breath. "Anyway, you're still at Dean's uncle house, right?"

"Yes, where would I go?"

"Then brace yourself. He should be knocking at your door any minute now."

"'He? Anna, tell me it's Raphael who's coming," Cas pleaded.

"Oh, we'll talk about that later, too. I have to go, bye bro!" Cas sat there staring at the phone's screen as it finished the call. His adopted brother, Raphael, wasn't perfect. At all. He had his faults to a point where Cas had never expected him to rebel against Michael as he had; Cas thought Raphael would just take everything as long as it was profitable for him. But again, Raphael had never thought it fun to put blue dye in his shampoo because he thought Cas was too "uptight" and needed to "chill out." Cas could still see in nightmares his face when just hours later it had turned to some gooey green. The front bell door rang and Cas gulped. Cas repeated to himself that it had been 6 year since the last time they met, that he had have to changed, but the chills going through his spine wouldn't stop.

"Hey, bro, how are you doing?" Gabriel flashed him a smile as soon as the door was open. Cas just frowned.

"I know Anna has told you about the events that brought me here," Cas said, but it only seemed to crack his brother up.

"Six years and you haven't changed a bit," Gabriel patted his shoulder and shoved past him inside the house. "Nice place you're holing up in. At least it doesn't have the air of resentment our old house did."

"I assume you're here for a reason," Cas said in a tense tone, following him to the sofa and sitting beside him.

"Oh, come on! Can't I worry about my little brother?" Gabriel put his hand on his chest, faking offense. "Especially after learning you knocked up some guy."

"Dean is not 'some guy'," Cas groaned, eyes fixed on his clasped hands laying on his lap.

"Yeah, yeah, he's your boyfriend, you love him so and the three of you are going to be the cutest family," Gabriel said and put a hand on Cas' shoulder, making him sit straight. Cas looked at him through the corner of his eyes. His eyebrows were slightly furrowed and his lips pressed: he looked completely serious. "And then what?"

"Then what?" Castiel repeated.

"I've heard you're not going to college. Now, I don't know this Dean, but I have an inkling he isn't either." Cas slowly nodded, not knowing what point Gabriel wanted to make. "Do you even plan on finishing high school?"

"Yes," Cas said firmly. "We're enrolling an online course soon."

"Well, that's something," Gabriel sighed. "But then?"

"Then?"

"How are you gonna support your little family project?" Gabriel arched an eyebrow. Cas frowned, sure there was a taunt there but he was clueless about what it was.

"Dean is a mechanic. He'll work with his uncle when he's recovered."

"And that's a good plan, but it's his plan," Gabriel made a short pause to let it sink in Cas' brain. "What are you gonna do?"

"I guess I'll take care of the baby," Cas decidedly looked away from Gabriel. They hadn't really talked about it in depth, there was nothing decided. As they had done since they met, they had been making it up as they went.

"That's what I thought..." Gabriel sighed again dramatically. "Don't you have any ambition? Any dreams?"

"I..." Cas didn't answer. He had spent his teenage years busy enough trying to make it from one day to the next. He saw how people around him were: Anna had been planning a life for herself outside of the house with their brothers, Sam talking about how he wasn't sure if he wanted to be a doctor or a lawyer, but completely confident that he was going to college, Dean talking about how much he looked forward working on cars again... but Cas felt empty. He had done what he had thought Michael would like all his life, trying to make things easier for him. Until it had become too much and his demands were more than Cas could accept. He had abandoned the only guide he had known in his life.

"Oh, bro, come on. Don't get weepy on me, we haven’t seen each other in forever," Gabriel groaned, his hands twitching like he didn't know if it would be better to hug Cas or let him be. "It's for your own good, you have to see it." At the end he slowly laid a hand on Cas' back and left it there when Cas didn't pull away. "I'm sure this Dean-boy of yours is great and that he would take care of you. But, believe me, that's not what you want."

"I don't even know what I want," Cas sobbed.

"Hey, it's okay. That's why I'm here."

"Are you?" Cas whispered, his tears starting to recede.

"Do you think Anna would send me just to taunt you?" Gabriel lifted an eyebrow and, while it obviously wouldn't have been Anna's intention, he didn't put it past Gabriel to come all the way here just to make fun on him. "Have some faith in your awesome older brother!"

"Then why are you here?"

"I'm going to stay in town for a couple of weeks. Me and Raphie rented a house which, okay, awkward. But anyway, you're coming with us for the time being," Gabriel said. "And when everything is set, I have an offer for you."

"Am I gonna like it?" Cas asked sighing tiredly.

"Who knows, brother?" Gabriel laughed. Cas just nodded and waited for Gabriel to explain. He was lost, he felt like he had little to lose so, why not?

***

  
  


"I can go in on my own, you know," Sam told Dean as he parked in the driveway of their house. "You really don't have to do this."

"I want to," Dean said, dropping his hands on the steering wheel. "And if you went in there alone, you two'd probably just end up fighting."

Sam stared at him, his lips pressed as if he was debating saying something or not. Dean frowned as he picked up the keys and reached to open the door. Sam quickly followed him outside and walked around the car to put himself between Dean and the house.

"What?" Dean shoved his hands in his jacket's pockets.

"It's... dad hasn’t seen your..." Sam made a vague gesture toward Dean's direction. More specific, toward the middle of his body. "You're not wearing a binder, either. Maybe it will be a problem."

"A problem? Dad's not an idiot!" Dean's voice was getting louder, but he tried to contain himself. "He knows I'm pregnant!"

"It's not the same knowing than actually seeing," Sam insisted, but Dean just huffed and walked around him and toward the door, taking his key out before Sam could say another word. Surprisingly, he just followed Dean meekly into the house and closed the door behind them. It was dark inside, even if it was the middle of the day all the curtains were drawn. They walked passed the living room and saw empty bottles piling up there, same with the kitchen.

The boys looked at each other and Sam’s frown said a loud and clear 'you should go outside', but Dean knew what he was doing. As much as other people liked to think so, their dad was not a monster. He was lost and troubled, had been since the day they lost their mother, but he was not bad. Even in the middle of the suffering John's problems had caused them all, there had been good moments. Sam was just too stubborn to see them, Dean repeated himself.

"Dad? We're here!" Dean called, walking toward the end of the hallway, where the bedrooms were. Sam looked at him with big eyes, slowly shaking his head. Through the master bedroom's door they heard a groan and the crash of something falling to the floor. The boys looked at each other. "Dad? Is everything okay?"

"Is it you, boys?" They both barely could make out their father's hoarse voice.

"Yes, Sam is here, too," Dean replied. "Do you need help?"

"No," John curt reply stopped Dean's hand mid-movement. "Go wait in the living room; I'll be there in a moment."

They looked to each other, but Dean signaled with his head toward the other end of the hallway. Sam frowned at him again, but started to walk toward their living room.

"We'll be there. If you need anything..." Dean let his voice fade away and then turned to go after Sam. The living room was a mess, it was clear that no one had cleaned around in all the time they've been gone and Dean considered himself lucky if that was all their father had drank in their absence. If not for the phone calls, he would have expected John to drink himself to death. Dean sighed and started to pick up the trash on the sofa to take it out of the way. Sam's hands stopped him immediately, taking the boxes from him to throw in the trashcan.

"Seriously?" Dean groaned, but sat on the space that had been cleared anyway. "I still can walk, you know?"

"This is not a good idea," Sam whispered when he came back. "And the least I can do is clean up a bit for you, so I'm going to do that."

Dean huffed, but said nothing. In a matter of minutes the room was at least half decent, no garbage around the place and light from the open curtains. Sam sat himself beside Dean.

"If it gets too much, you get out of here," Sam said, not looking at Dean in the eye. "Cas' orders. Stress is not good for the baby."

Dean nearly smiled at that, but they got up at once when they heard steps coming from the hallway. John smiled at them softly when he saw them standing at attention and indicated to them with his hand that they could sit. John's face was still wet, as if he had washed it in a hurry, but it did nothing to hide the dark bags under his bloodshot eyes. He was walking steady on his way to the armchair, but the way his eyes flinched at the light didn't escape Dean.

"We can come back any other time, if you're not feeling well," Dean said slowly, knowing they were probably walking on thin ice.

"No, I'm... I'm glad you've come," John said shaking slightly his head. He was looking at them both with his eyes shining, like they were the best thing he's seen in a long time. "You look good."

"Pity we can't say the same," said Sam in a curt tone. Dean elbowed his thigh, his eyes not leaving John for a second, but the man just laughed softly.

"I can't say I don't deserve that," John sighed and he looked so genuinely sad, sadder than Dean had seen him in years. "This is not exactly the kind of place you would want to come back, I know..."

This time they both stayed silent, just looking at him, waiting for him to go on talking. John looked around him, at the ceiling, everywhere before settling on looking at his hands. Sam writhed a bit beside Dean, clearly uncomfortable. He had only ever seen the strong part of John, the toughened soldier, but Dean remembered what a mess he had been just after their mom had died. After the long silence, John looked back at them.

"How are you two? Not giving Bobby too much trouble, I hope," he said, his fingers still tightly pressed together.

"Good, we're good," Dean smiled awkwardly. "I stopped going to class, but Bobby's making me finish high school anyway. Thinks a GED can make the difference some day or something like that."

"That's good," John tried to smile back, but his eyes swiftly moved to Sam. "And you? School going well?"

"Yes, sir," Sam replied, his tone much milder than before. He had come prepared to fight, but now... "Are you really okay with...?"

Sam didn't finish the sentence, but he didn't need to. Dean squirmed when he saw the other two staring at him. He hunched a bit, becoming all too aware of the bumps on his upper body.

"I still think it's not a good idea, but..." John sighed and shook his head. "I'm not going to lose you two over it. Fathers should be there to help their children, even when things don't go how we want. I want to able to be your father again."

"You want us to come back? Live with you?" Sam asked, his voice strained.

"I know I don't have the right to ask you..."

"I want us to live together again," Dean interrupted him, trying to keep his voice steady because he could feel the tears already pooling in his eyes. "We're a family, Dad."

"Dean?" Sam tugged his arm. "Are you sure?"

"I..." Dean looked at Sam and looked back at their father.

"I know my promises aren't worth much now..." John looked to the side before looking for the first time since they've arrived into Dean's eye. "But I promise you'll be safe here. I would leave before putting you in danger again."

"Dad..." Dean sighed and turned to look to Sam. "What do you want?"

"I want you to feel safe. Comfortable," he turned to look at John. "You need peace for the baby."

"Sam..." Dean groaned. "Yes, I want to come back."

"Dean," John said, his face lightening.

"But, I can't now," Dean felt something heavy inside his stomach when he saw John's face fall. "Cas needs me. He's still trying to wrap his mind around everything that's happened. I can't leave him alone."

"Castiel is... what happened to him?" John asked like his words were getting stuck somewhere in his throat.

"His brother, he's also his guardian, found out about us. About me wanting to keep the baby and... he kicked Cas out," Dean said. It would be useless to tell the whole story. John just nodded. "But as soon as Cas is okay, we'll come back. Is that okay?"

"Yes, that's okay," John smiled at them and Dean smiled back. He knew it didn't fix everything, but he wanted to believe that they were on their way. That someday they could be a family once again.


	13. Chapter 13

When Dean opened the door, the first thing he saw was Cas sitting on the sofa, his legs tucked against his chest and his eyes staring into nothingness. In a second, Dean was by his side, his hands twitching, dying to touch him, but not sure if that was okay. He heard Sam's gasp after he closed the door. When they had left, Cas had been reading and listening to music: calm at last. Now his posture was so stiff, Dean wouldn't be able to unravel him with all his strength.

"Cas, baby, something happened?" Dean asked softly.

"Yes, I'm..." Cas closed his eyes. "I have things... to think over."

"Can we sit with you?" Sam asked getting closer. Cas nodded, but didn't move one inch from where he sat at the center of the sofa. They sat on either side of Cas and Dean put his hand on his thigh, his fingers wriggling in an invitation. Cas smiled, the brightness of his eyes breaking the blankness of his expression. He touched Dean's fingers before intertwining their fingers firmly.

"My siblings are in town," Cas said. Dean’s eyes flew open and Sam was looking at him with the same surprised expression. "Anna called them. She... left Michael."

"Shit, is she okay?" Dean asked.

"She said she was happy when she called," Cas said, his eyes completely focused on the wall before him. "But I'm afraid of what Michael will do."

"He can't do anything," Dean assured him. "We're with you, Cas."

"We won't let him get close to you," Sam told him.

"Thank you," Cas nodded. "And... Gabriel came to visit me."

"Wait, Gabriel is the one who hid fake spiders all over your room because you were scared of them?" Dean asked him with a frown.

"Yes, that one," Cas frowned. "He said he wanted to help me overcome my fears."

"Please, tell me you didn't let him into our room."

"No, I... think he's changed," Cas frowned too, obviously not totally sure about it. "He owns a coffee shop in California."

"Well, that's good," said Sam, starting to look confused.

"He wants me to go with him and work there. He wants to teach me," Cas plastered himself against Dean, the grip on his hand getting stronger. "I don't know what to do."

"What? You can't go away, Cas," Sam turned to them and saw Dean biting his lip. "Right?"

"Maybe you should accept," said Dean, his voice completely devoid of emotion. Cas turned to look at Dean, who was intently looking at their joined hands. He had a faint smile on his face, but this wasn't the first time Sam had seen Dean looking like that. It was the same face he had put on every time he agreed to go pick up Sam at the library, when what he really wanted was to spend time with some girl in his class; the expression he made when dad told them they had to move to the next town and he just nodded, but later cried in the bathroom for having to say goodbye to the only guy he had been friends with since forever.

"Dean, don't be an idiot," Sam huffed, but Dean shut him with a look.

"It's a great opportunity for you," Dean said, finally turning to look at Cas.

"I know, but..." Cas looked at the ceiling for a few seconds, looking for the words that seemed to elude him. His fingers were playing with Dean's. "I don't want to be away from you."

"It doesn't have to be forever," Dean said, but his voice didn't reflect the confidence in his words.

"Dean, I don't want to be a day away from you," Cas said again, his hand clutching Dean's by now. "It's good to hear from the siblings that I thought I had lost. I'm happy that they still care about me and Anna enough to come here, risk meeting Michael and offer to take care of us, too. But..." Cas gulped, before daring to look up. He smiled at Dean and then turned to Sam to offer him his hand, that Sam promptly took. "You both are more family to me than they are."

"Cas..." Sam sighed, but Dean stopped whatever he was going to say.

"That's why, I've told you before," Dean insisted. "It's because we're family that you have to leave. I'm not going to stand between you and your future."

Cas looked at him and closed his mouth firmly. Sam could see the tears starting to pool in his eyes at Dean's exasperated face.

"But, Dean," Sam said as non-aggressively as he could, knowing from experience that the wrong word would send both of them into silence for days. "Maybe this is not the right moment for Cas to go. Right Cas?"

"That is correct," Cas nodded.

"Sam, can you leave us alone for a second?" Dean asked, his voice completely steady.

"What? No!" Sam protested, but the piercing look from Dean shut him. "You better not do something you'll regret."

With that last threat, Sam got up, picked up his backpack and left the house. There was homework he needed to get done, and a good walk to the library would help him clear his mind from everything that had happened that day.

***

  
  


Once they were alone in the house, Dean lowered his head and breathed slowly. He shook his head a bit, before looking at Cas in the eye.

"It’s not the right moment? Then, what are you going to do? You said it yourself, Michael is angry and none of you know what he could do. You've dropped from high school, for good. And don't tell me that you'll do the SAT anyway, because we both know it's not true," Dean's voice was practically a growl. "I'm a mechanic, it may not be much, but there's something I know how to do. What is your plan, Cas?"

"I..." Cas was breathing heavier and heavier with each word that came from Dean's mouth. "I..."

"I'm sorry, but it's the truth," Dean whimpered, his free hand went to Cas' hair and started to slowly massage his scalp. "That time after class, when you came to me and gave me that note because you were too nervous to tell me that you loved me... Cas, that moment I swore I wouldn't ruin your life. I swore that you would be the one whose life wouldn't be worse after they met me. And up until now I've done a horrible job of that."

Cas shook his head, tears already falling free through his cheeks. It's not your fault they said, but Dean couldn't believe it, not with all the things that had happened since he was a kid.

"I'm bad luck," Dean half laughed. "And I know if you stay here you will regret it."

Cas jerked free from Dean's hand and stood. He was shaking all over, but Dean didn't move when he rushed upstairs. From where he was sitting he could hear Cas moving and tossing things upstairs and his guess was confirmed when Cas walked down the stairs carrying a duffel bag. The same one he had carried when he had had to run away from his home. The one he would carry to his new and better life, away from Dean and whatever curse he had that made people around him so unhappy.

Cas stood in front of him for a second, breathing heavily. He tossed the bag to the floor and took his phone from his pocket. He fiddled with it for a few seconds and then got closer to Dean and showed his the screen. "I'm going to stay with Gabriel while they are here," it said. Dean just nodded and saw Cas pressing the buttons of the phone again. This time he didn't show him the screen, so he guessed he was texting either Gabriel or Anna. Then he sat beside Dean, forcing himself to breathe slowly for a few minutes, before typing again on his phone. "I'm not better without you," it read.

"You will be," Dean sighed. "You'll see."

***

  
  


Cas was standing on the street Anna had texted, his hand inside his coat pocket, playing with the pebbles he kept there and looking at the street between his feet. His mind was blank, overcome by a feeling of static; better that than hearing on repeat Dean's words. Suddenly, he heard someone shouting from the other side of the street.

"Cas! Cas, we're here!" Anna was standing there, her hand waving above her head. "Wait, I'm coming for you!"

Cas made his best effort to nod, hoping it was visible enough for Anna to see. He hated when she got so worried about him. As soon as the traffic stopped, Anna was running toward him.

"Hey, are you okay?" Anna asked with her eyes full of worry. Cas nodded again and slowly reached with his hand. Anna smiled softly and took it before starting to walk down the street. "Come, we can talk later. We're going to the house Gabriel is renting."

She kept on talking the whole way, going on and on about how great their siblings had been with her. They were willing to stay in Sioux Falls for as long as they needed, but Anna knew they had lives to get back to, and probably it wouldn't be too hard to finish the year in other high school. They wouldn't even have to share a room: apparently Gabriel owned the two flats on top of the coffee shop.

Finally, Anna stopped in front of the door of a big building. After the silent ride on the elevator, Anna opened the door to one of the apartments and let Cas in. The flat wasn't especially impressive. The door led directly to a living room with a small kitchen. There was a door, Anna urged him to go through it, and it led to a short hallway with four other doors. Three rooms and a bathroom, maybe? They went through one of them to a bedroom big enough to fit two beds and a wardrobe. He dropped his duffel bag in one of the beds.

"Anna? Are you home?" He heard Gabriel's voice coming from the hallway and steps getting closer. "Cassie!"

Cas turned to look at Gabriel walking inside the room and directly toward him. Anna stepped to Cas' side and shook her head. Gabriel stopped in his tracks, his smile faltering but never falling from his face.

"Cas needs to rest a bit," Anna said.

"Of course. I'll be outside, just take your time," Gabriel nodded. "I'm glad that you're here."

Gabriel left, closing the door after him and Cas flopped down on the bed closer to him. He saw Anna walking toward the other bed and laying on it. When he turned he saw that she had picked up a book and was reading it, waiting patiently until he was able to talk again. He couldn't help a smile crawling to his face as he took his shoes off and turned to face the door, his eye closing almost immediately. Little by little, the buzzing in his brain calmed and he drifted to sleep.

When Cas' eyes opened again he found himself alone in the room, but he could hear the murmur of voices coming from outside. He stretched, feeling much better if not completely restored after his short nap. He sat up and noticed that there was a glass of water and a couple of cookies on the bedside table. Absentmindedly, he started to drink slowly, feeling it refreshing his throat. After he had eaten, Cas walked outside the door to the living room.

"Cas! Are you feeling better?" Anna greeted him as soon as she saw him entering the room.

"Much better, thank you Anna," Cas replied, but his eyes were fixed elsewhere. Standing in the kitchen was Gabriel, checking something that was cooking on the oven. Beside him, there was a tall, black woman, cutting vegetables. Anna followed his eyes and smiled.

"Come," she said taking his hand. Cas let himself be dragged there, feeling a bit nervous for getting closer to the strange woman. When they were closer, she turned. She was wearing a serious expression on her face, but the corner of her mouth turned up a bit when she saw him.

"Cas, I'm glad you're finally here," her voice... Cas frowned; both her face and her voice were familiar to him, but he couldn't quite place where he could have met a woman like her. In the face of his silence, the woman snorted and run a hand through her hair. "I suppose I should be glad that even you can't recognize me."

"Don't sweat it, Cassie. I tried to hit on her when I saw here coming down from her bus," said Gabriel, not turning from whatever he was doing with the pans.

"Don't think I expected more of you, brother," the woman said turning to look at Gabriel and in that moment it came to him.

"Raphael?" Cas muttered.

"Well, it's Raphaelle now, but yes," she nodded at him.

"Yes, sorry," Cas said, lowering his head in shame. "You look great."

"Thank you, little brother," Raphaelle smiled and came closer to him, reaching with her hand toward him. Looking up again, he rushed to take it and give her a little squeeze. He felt Anna laying her hand on his shoulder and saw Gabriel smiling at him from the kitchen.

"I'm happy to be home."

"Okay, kid. Lunch is ready," Gabriel announced after a few minutes, opening the oven and letting the amazing smell fill the apartment. Cas tried to go help Gabriel and Raphaelle serving the food, but Anna rushed him to sit on the sofa. Cas looked at her in confusion, but she only smiled and said  "here we don't have to eat at the table.”

They brought the food, settled it on the coffee table and started eating without more preamble. Cas was surprised to discover that the food tasted just as good as it smelled.

"What did you expect? I own a bakery after all," Gabriel said around a mouthful of his own.

"Baking isn't the same as cooking," Cas said with a deadpan face, but dug into his food without another word until there was nothing left. He lay back on the sofa and Anna joined him as soon as she was finished with her food too.

"Aren't you curious about what Raphaelle has been up to in all this time?" Anna nudged him softly on the knee. Cas nodded and turned to look at Raphaelle, waiting for her to start her story.

"Nothing too interesting," Raphaelle shrugged, setting down her fork inside the empty dish. "I've been working here and there, saving money."

"You're too modest," Anna said. "She's going to business school next year."

"As I said, nothing too interesting," she said, avoiding her sibling’s eyes.

"It'll be interesting when you become one of the most influential business women in the world," Anna said with a bright smile as she starting picking up the dishes. Raphaelle chuckled at that, but said nothing as she helped Anna. Once they were both piling dishes in the kitchen, Gabriel turned to look at Cas.

"Have you thought about what we talked about?" Gabriel asked, his face as serious as he had even seen it. Cas sighed and looked at his lap.

"Dean wants me to go," Cas muttered.

"So that's what happened?" Gabriel sighed too and Cas nodded. "But that's not what I was asking. What do you want?"

"I want to be with all of you," Cas said turning to look at his sisters. "I want to be with Dean and Sam too."

"Castiel..."

"They're my family too," Cas went on talking, as if he hadn't heard Gabriel. "I'm... I'm going to be a father, I can't leave my child and my boyfriend alone."

"Cas..."

"But you're right; if I stay there is nothing I can do for them. And then there's Michael..."

"Cas!" Gabriel stood and got closer to him, breaking Cas’ monologue. Once he was sure Cas would be silent, he sat beside him. "I know. Anna told me all about your and that kid's story. I understand that you can't leave them behind, you're far too honorable for that."

"It's not a matter of being 'honorable'," Cas stopped, picking at a loose thread on his jean. "I love him."

"Yeah, I can see that," Gabriel muttered. "I'm still not sure this Dean kid is worth it, though."

"Of course he is...!"

"Sorry, just kidding," Gabriel raised his hands in surrender. "I've thought about something. It's not ideal and probably your boy won't like it and it will all be for nothing. But I think it's what can work best for you two."

Cas looked at him with interest, waiting for him to explain. Gabriel waited patiently until their sisters were done with the dishes and returned to sit with them. All their eyes were focused on Gabriel. At last, he sighed and started talking.


	14. Chapter 14

It was Sunday morning and Dean couldn't stand it anymore. He had been the past two days laying on different surfaces, with a book or magazine in his hands but not really even looking at them, his phone always nearby. He picked it up, checked that there weren’t any new messages, then left it, only to pick it up again not five minutes later.

There hadn't been any sign from Cas, but after their last words that was to be expected. Every time he had his phone on his hands, Dean wanted nothing more than call and check if he was fine, if he could at least speak again and tell him he was sorry for hurting him so much. But that would lead them again to where they were, with Cas trapped in a relationship with Dean.

And Sam... every second he was home Dean could feel his eyes boring a hole on the back of his head. He had been very clear that he thought Dean was an idiot and an asshole for making Cas leave.

Now the sun was bright outside, the first signs of spring after a long winter. There were few things Dean wanted more than going out there and working on his car; even just taking a walk through the junkyard would have been nice in comparison to spend one more second trapped in the house. Technically he could go outside an walk for a while, but had no energy to. Maybe he would go try cook something, he couldn't just lay around all day.

Dean nearly jumped out of the sofa when he heard the text alarm from his phone.

_From Jo: Do you wanna hang out at the Roadhouse?_

Dean grunted. Knowing her, this was as close as he would get to an apology. He was tempted to hold onto his grudge, even if just for a bit longer. Instead he picked up the phone, his wallet and the car keys, and went outside. Sam was sitting on the porch with a book on his knees, doing his best to ignore him.

"I'm going out," Dean said as he passed by him.

"Don't do anything more stupid than usual," came the muffled reply from his brother. Dean kept on walking, keeping his mind on the chill of the Roadhouse and on whatever cold drink he could have there.

The Roadhouse's light was dim, as always at that hour of the day, with only the little sunlight that could get through the wood and the small windows as illumination. Jo was already waiting for him behind the bar and smiled at him as soon as she saw him.

"Hey, what are you going to take? I have... ice tea and... some juice, I think. The rest is all alcoholic," Jo sounded chirpy, just like in the good days.

"Okay..." Dean raised an eyebrow but didn't comment otherwise. "Some ice tea would be great, it's like a 100 degrees outside."

Jo nodded and bent to take the bottle from the fridge. Silently, she poured two glasses of tea and passed Dean his. They drank, still separated by the bar and not taking their eyes from each other. Dean was looking for any sign on Jo's face that would explain why she had sent him a message after months of silence. He kept his own face blank, not giving any hint until he was sure what he was doing there.

He could admit that half the reason for coming had been to get out of the house and do something, anything that could keep his mind from thinking. Inside, very deeply inside, he knew that the real reason was he missed his friend. They had met the day Dean had moved into town.  She was the only kid around his age he would tolerate. Back then, both had been lonely, too different and too eager to pick fights to really fit with the kids at school.

They had grown up together and now they were having a staring contest. Dean felt his lips twitching, but he did his best to keep them under control. Jo's face was also reddening from the effort; and then she snorted, and neither of them could hold their laugh any longer.

They laughed and laughed until their faces hurt, until it was partly hysterical in their effort to stop. With a sigh, Dean put his arms on the bar and leant his head on top of them, still looking at Jo with a smile. Jo smiled back at him, and put her hand and head on the bar so she was level with Dean. She bit her lip and looked away for a second.

"I'm... what I said at that time, was..." she babbled, "and then letting all this time go by. I mean, I had news from you, knew you were alright, but still, I should've..."

"Don't strain yourself," Dean laughed, but his eyes remained serious. "I know. You don't need to say it."

"No, but I want..." Jo huffed and looked back at him. "Dean, I'm sorry."

"It’s okay," Dean said with a little bow of his head. "And now that we've moved past the awkward part, we can go upstairs, play some games and pretend nothing ever happened, so we don't have to embarrass ourselves again."

"God, Dean, you're so..." Jo laughed, but then she sighed and got serious. "Actually, I heard about Castiel's brother being in town or whatever."

"That so?" Dean asked, his tone suddenly weary.

"I know that Cas is thinking about going to California with him," Jo prompted Dean.

"Bobby should learn not to babble in front of your mom," Dean dragged a hand over his face.

"He's not leaving, right?" Jo asked, obviously worried.

"I don't really want to talk about this."

"What? Dean, what the...?"

"Really, I wanted to come here so I didn't have to think about it."

"Is he leaving? Just like that? Get you preg..." Jo stopped mid-sentence, her mouth in the shape of an 'o'. She turned to look at him suspiciously. "That doesn't sound like him. But it sounds very, very much like you trying to be the hero and save everyone's day."

"Come on, Jo, not you too," Dean groaned.

"Sam's been giving you a piece of his mind, right?" Jo asked and Dean nodded, hoping he didn't look as pathetic as he felt. Jo sighed. "Alright, let's go upstairs. Ash has a new game, I think you'll like it."

***

  
  


The sun was still high in the sky when a shadow fell over Sam. He frowned and looked up to see a stranger standing in front of him. He was clearly older and still Sam knew they would be about the same height if he stood up, which he had no intention of doing, so he just frowned harder at the stranger.

"Hey kid," he greeted him at last. "Do you know if Dean Winchester lives here?"

"Who asks?" Sam said. The stranger looked suspicious enough, but even if he hadn’t, Sam knew better than to trust just anyone who came by their door.

"Looks like the boy has an attitude," he snorted. "Name's Gabriel."

"And what does Gabriel want with my brother?" Sam asked and Gabriel's eyes opened wide.

"Don't tell me you're Sam. Damn kid, what did you do with that tiny chubby child?" He laughed. Sam squinted at him, trying to place his face. Now that he looked at the man properly, he found his face familiar, but couldn't say where he could have met him.

"Do we know each other?" Sam asked.

"I can't believe you forgot about me. I'm honestly hurt," Gabriel put a hand over his heart mockingly. "We were neighbors; you loved to play with me."

"Wait," Sam stood up in one jump, his book falling from his lap. "You're that Gabriel. Cas' older brother."

"In the flesh."

"I remember you were always pulling pranks on me. I once got grounded because of you," the memories were hazy, but some things he could remember clearly. "I hated your guts."

"And now I'm back to save the day," Gabriel bowed to him.

"How does taking Cas away qualify as saving the day?" Sam snorted. He was standing firm, wanting nothing more than to run inside and slam the door on Gabriel's face, but trying to put on a facade.

"That's something I have to talk about with your idiot brother," Gabriel said, burying his hands on his jacket's pocket as he smiled at Sam.

"You're out of luck. He's out," said Sam turning back to pick up his book and sat on the steps to the house. His face was buried in the book, praying that that would make the man go away. Sam was looking at the words, but none of them were registering on his brain. He turned the page, ears prickling to catch any sound, especially that of someone walking away. What he heard instead was a snort.

"What?" Sam spat.

"You may be taller, but you're still a boring little thing," instead of leaving, Gabriel went and sat beside him. "It's Sunday and you're reading a book. And I bet you're not even hiding porn in there."

"I have homework," Sam lied with his poker face, determined not to take the bait. His real homework was already in his backpack, but with Dean out and, as a consequence, no way to get to Jess, there wasn't much for him to do.

"You're, what? Fifteen?"

"Sixteen."

"You should be out there, having fun," Gabriel sighed. Sam looked up into his face, something in his tone had caught his interest. He had an easy smile on his face, but his eyes... there was something sad in those golden eyes. Sam squirmed under his look and finally closed the book.

"Since you seem to know everything," Sam said looking in front of him to nothing in particular, "what should I be doing?"

"Going out with your girlfriend. Getting into trouble with your friends," Gabriel shrugged noncommittally, his face still more serious that the conversation required. "Hell if I know."

"I don't have a girlfriend," Sam said.

"Not for lack of girls going after you, I guess," Gabriel elbowed him with a chuckle and Sam couldn't help but laugh too.

"Don't know, I'm not interested."

"Boyfriend then?"

"Not interested in either," Sam muttered, his smile weakening. He looked into his lap, trying not to let his thoughts too out of control. There were enough people ready to call him "freak" and "weird" without Gabriel joining.

"I see," Gabriel nodded sagely. Sam looked back at Gabriel: he had still this smile that didn't reach his eyes. "Your brother coming back any time soon?"

"I don't think so," Sam shook his head slowly. "He's kind of hiding from me."

"Do you want to go get some ice cream and see if he's home when we get back?" Gabriel was looking at him, smiling in a way that Sam felt he could somehow see what was on his mind. Sam looked away quickly.

"What?" Sam asked, feeling a bit more flustered than he wanted to admit.

"I morally can't leave you here knowing you're going to go back to that boring book," said Gabriel. Sam knew he should say no, tried to remind himself that Gabriel was the asshole who was taking his friend away. He turned to look at him and tell him no to his face.

"Okay. Just, not too far from here."

"In case you have to run away from me?"

"Exactly."

 


	15. Chapter 15

"And he came looking for me?" Dean repeated, not sure he had got it right the first time.

"Yes, he did," Sam replied in a monotonous tone.

"And you don't know what he wants with me," Dean said, not even flinching when Sam abruptly turned in the sofa to look at him, fixing him with a glare.

"No, I don't know," he said slowly.

"Man, what if he's another psychotic brother? What if he wants to kill me?" Dean groaned.

"Gabriel is not like that!" Sam snapped, closing his mouth quickly after the words had left his mouth. He cleared his throat and looked away from Dean's inquisitive look. "He's a good guy. He's probably just worried about Cas, that's all."

"Yeah, sure," Dean grumbled, but at least he got up and went to flop down on one of the couches. He let the silence hang between them, watching Sam squirming right and left until he sat up to look at him properly.

"He said he could help solve this situation," Sam said meekly. "I think he really is worried about you; both you and Cas."

"And that's why he disappeared from Cas and Anna’s life for years, knowing where he was leaving them," Dean huffed.

"That is not fair!" Sam jumped to his feet. "He needed to get away, he couldn't stay in that house. You have to know what it's like."

"I never left you behind," Dean said with a straight face, but Sam noticed how his lips pressed against each other just thinking about it. "Never would."

"I know..." Sam sighed. "What I'm saying is that he came back. And now he can give them somewhere to live."

"And you're suddenly okay with Cas leaving," Dean huffed. Sam frowned.

"Did something happen with Jo? I thought you'd be in a better mood when you came back."

"Nothing happened with Jo and I was in a good mood... and then you mention this Gabriel guy. I'm a bit tired" Dean said and leant his head on the back of the sofa, his hand hurrying to stroke his bump. "And you didn't answer the question."

"I don't want Cas to leave, because you need him," Sam blurted out and raised a hand to stop Dean when he sat up ready to defend himself. "He's my friend and I want what's best for him, but... you're my brother. Look how you've been these days and he's within walking distance from here. Imagine how bad it will be when he's in another state."

"How do you know he's that close?" Dean asked arching an eyebrow.

"Gabriel told me, in case I wanted to visit," Sam said.

"Whatever. I can take care of myself," Dean muttered, his eyes closed. He wanted to argue, but after the day he'd had he was feeling exhaustion heavy upon him.

"But," Sam interrupted him, "if Gabriel has thought of a way for you two to be together and not throw Cas' future away, you should give it a try."

"God, this sudden crush of yours is getting very annoying very fast," Dean grumbled. He was startled by the sound of something crushing in front of him. Sam had stood so fast that he had crashed against the coffee table and was caressing his leg while he looked at Dean with a disbelieving expression on his very red face.

"I don't... I don't have a crush, you jerk!" Sam shrieked and turned away to get up the stairs. "This is what I get for worrying about you."

Some part of Dean's brain thought 'shit, as if the situation wasn't complicated enough', but it couldn't elaborate further as he slowly slipped in unconsciousness. He could think later what to do if that Gabriel guy ever dared to come close to his baby brother again.

***

  
  


"I can't believe you," muttered Sam, shoving his perfectly folded clothes inside his duffle bag. He had barely entered the house that afternoon from school when Dean called him upstairs. He found Dean with all his clothes spread on one of the beds, trying to fit them into one bag, and urging him to do the same. Apparently, since 'Cas' thing was solved' it was time for them to stop being a burden to Bobby and go back with their dad. It was not that Sam didn't want to go back to their house, to his own room, to dad... it was that it had been so abrupt that it was obvious to him that there was more to it than Dean was letting on. He had a very specific suspicion.

"What? You knew that as soon as Cas was fine we would go back home," Dean said, trying to roll a pair of jeans and make them as small as possible without actually having to fold them. "He's safe with his siblings now, so all is good and well."

"If you're doing this so Gabriel can't find you, forget about it," Sam said, taking his books and trying to fit them all in the same bag as his clothes. He would need another one to carry everything, but luckily the impala was big enough. "I'm calling him as soon as we are home."

"For not having a crush, you're awfully chummy with a guy you just met yesterday," Dean said, stopping what he was doing to flash him a teasing smile. "You hated that guy when you were a kid."

"People change," Sam said, putting as many books as he could on his school bag. "And, for the umpteenth time: I. Don't. Have. A crush. On Gabriel."

"I wish," Dean grunted, pulling on the zip until, finally, he managed to close the bag without disrupting the mess that were his clothes. He walked around the bed to sit on the edge, facing Sam. "Seriously, Sam, even if he was not a complete asshole, which he is, he's still 25. There are better people." Sam tried to ignore it, mentally whooping at his little victory when he managed to fit the rest of his school book on the bags. "I think you should give Jess a chance."

"Why?" Sam turned to look at him, feeling at the same time his head dizzy with anger and his throat closing. "Why must there be someone, Dean? You said it, I'm 16. I have better things to do."

"And that's a noble thought. But it's also bullshit. I know what 16 feels like, okay? How you notice other people, how you can find someone older more attractive than people your age. And then there's hormones, too..."

"You know nothing, Dean," Sam shook his head. "You dropped high school when you were 16, you don't know how it is..."

"I dropped out because I knew too much how it was," said Dean curtly. He swallowed, pushing memories back. "Sammy, is something wrong?"

"I..." Sam sat on his own bed, looking back into his lap. "All the other guys... they are obsessed with girls, talk non-stop about them in... very crude ways."

"And you're not," concluded Dean.

"I..." Sam bit his lip. There were the words, just on the tip of his tongue, those words that he only ever had said to Jess, because she was the only one who understood him. Dean... he wouldn't understand. He decided to go on talking. "I don't see anyone that way."

"You're still young," Dean said slowly, knowing he was treading thin ice.

"It's not that," Sam said around the lump in his throat. "I think I'm broken, Dean."

"No, come on, Sam, that's not true," Dean quickly went to sit beside him, their shoulders touching. "You don't want to have sex, so what? Look what sex brought me."

"You don't mean that," Sam moaned.

"Not the part about this little one, no," said Dean his hand lingering for a second over his lump. "But for the rest I'm completely serious. It doesn't make you worse than anyone or broken or any shit like that."

"What if I never want to?" Sam asked, crouching to let his head fall on his brothers' shoulder. "No one will want to be with someone who won't sleep with them; I'll end up alone."

"You won't," Dean said, his hand caressing Sam's shoulder. "Even if you don't find someone, you'll always have me and Cas and your friends. You have a family."

"Jess is the only one who gets it," Sam sighed. "She's the only one who knows."

"I'm glad she does, I like that kid," Dean smiled at Sam and, even if it was a bit weak, Sam smiled back. "Everything will be fine."

Sam nodded against his shoulder and, for a moment, he could even believe he was right.

"I still don't approve of that Gabriel guy, though," Dean said and Sam grunted.

"The only reason I'm not tickling you right now is because you're carrying my future nibling," Sam said back. Dean chuckled and gave Sam a full hug. Yes, whatever happened, everything would be fine in the end.

***

  
  


"I'm glad to have you boys back," said John for the fifth time since they had called that evening saying they had everything packed and were ready to go back home. Sam had arched an eyebrow at Dean when he had told him what their dad had said over the phone, but even Dean was starting to feel a bit creeped out by now. But it was a change, and after how everything had been when they had left, things could hardly change for the worse, so Dean smiled back at him.

"Since the last time you were here I've been to AA," John went on talking. This grabbed both boys' attention, who turned away from the TV, trying to keep their expression’s schooled as they gave their dad their full attention. "It... wasn't what I was expecting, but that's good. I wasn't expecting much."

"That's great, Dad," Dean managed to say and Sam nodded beside him.

"This time we'll make it work. My grandchild will grow up in a proper house, with a proper family," Dad assured them and Dean nodded just because he knew he was supposed to believe him. Dean was beyond happy being back home and with Dad being so supportive and so eager to get their life right, but... it had been a week and he hadn't heard a single word about Cas. He knew it was selfish of him, that he was the one who had told Cas to go and not look back. He had pissed Cas off so much he hadn't been able to talk when he left and it still made him sick in the stomach, thinking about how much he had hurt him when the only thing Dean wanted was to protect Cas.

And in that moment, he felt it. Dean sat upright in a sudden movement and he couldn't believe what had just happened. For a moment, he thought it was just his mind playing tricks on him or maybe he had eaten too much, but then he felt it again, clear as day. He knew he was smiling like a maniac when he felt John and Sam's worried eyes fixed on him.

"Is something wrong, Dean?" Sam asked, getting closer to look properly at his face, but Dean dismissed it with a shook of his head.

"No, it's... I'll be back in a minute," Dean said and made sure to pick up his phone before rushing to his room. He was closing the door with one hand and already typing with the other.  _The baby has moved_ , was sent before he had a chance to think it over again. He threw himself over his bed, his eyes fixed on the screen, waiting for an answer. A minute passed, then another, and Dean was thinking that maybe Cas didn't have his phone on him or, more likely, he just didn't feel like answering any of Dean's messages. Then the phone chimed:  _That sounds amazing_ could be read on the screen and Dean smiled.

He was halfway up on his bed when he thought of something else. He turned on the screen and started writing a new message. He turned it off and on, and off and on, and finally off. It probably wasn't a good idea.  _Can I call you?_ was finally sent. It had been a stupid idea. Surely Cas wouldn't even bother to reply to that. Or maybe he was still not strong enough to speak on the phone, much less with him and he felt tears prickling his eyes just thinking about it.  And when had he turned so emotional? Maybe the baby missed their father. Maybe it was Dean who missed Cas way more than he could stand. A sound of electric guitar startled him and he fumbled through his tears to quickly pick up the phone.

"Cas?" Dean practically whimpered on the phone and he hated himself a bit more for it.

"Dean, are you okay? I thought you would be happy because of the baby," Cas rough voice on the other end of the phone was full with concern. Dean just wished he was closer, close enough that he could hug him and never let go.

"I am," Dean assured him. "I... I just... I," but he couldn't get the words out of his mouth, he couldn't say it, he couldn't do this to Cas.

"I've missed you," Cas blurted out. "I'm happy to be with my siblings, but I miss you."

"I'm at my dad's house," Dean said. "He's... I think this time he's serious about his recovery and all that. I think this time it can work."

"I'm glad to hear that," Cas said.

"I've missed you too," Dean muttered.

"Even if I leave," Cas said, "it doesn't have to mean we can't talk anymore. I still love you. It makes no sense that you don't want us to even have any contact."

"It would be easier if you didn't," Dean said. "Love me, I mean."

"I know, but it's not something I can choose," Cas voice was so firm, it was a surprise for Dean. Back then, he had always had this small voice, as if he had been afraid of even disturb the air with it.

"You're right, I'm sorry," Dean sighed and, among his dried tears, he smiled. "You're far stronger than I ever gave you credit for."

"I've been telling you that," Cas replied, but Dean could nearly taste the teasing in his words. "I can't go meet you now, can I?"

"Do you want to?" Dean half laughed at that, but just imagining having Cas by his side now, no more waiting, no more absurd break ups, made him feel something warm in his chest.

"Don't ask stupid questions, of course I want to," Cas tone was so serious, so full of irritation it made Dean laughed, not because it was particularly funny, but because Dean had never thought he would hear Cas ever talk like that. "Dean?"

"Your siblings. They're good, aren't they?" Dean asked.

"They've been very good to me, yes. Why?" Cas sounded perplexed.

"I can feel you're happy with them," Dean shrugged, even if he knew Cas couldn't see it.

"Can you?" Cas wondered. "Yes, I'm happy with them."

"I still don't trust your brother Gabriel," Dean stated.

"He went to see you?" Cas groaned. "He can be... a bit forceful."

"He tried, but I wasn't home. Met Sam, though, and now he has the biggest crush on Gabriel."

"Really?" Cas sounded almost teasing. "I thought if Sam ever fell in love it would be with someone like his friend Jess."

"Hell, I always thought it would be Jess. Maybe it's because they've known each other since they were little kids, I don't know," Dean said. "And don't say 'fall in love'. I'm sure it's just a stupid crush."

"Gabriel wouldn't do anything, you know?" Cas assured him. "Whatever he seems, deep down he's a decent man. Sam is still a teen."

"Yeah, I hope so, I wouldn't want to break my future brother-in-law's nose," Dean laughed and he could bet that Cas was smiling too. "Maybe you can come tomorrow morning."

"What time would be better for you?" Cas asked.

"Is 10 good?" Dean asked. Sam would already be at school and if John was really fixing his life he would probably be busy too. They could have the whole house to speak quietly.

"Yes," Cas said. "See you tomorrow?"

"See you, Cas. Good night."

"Good night, Dean."


	16. Chapter 16

The next morning, Dean had made breakfast for them all and, for the first time in what felt like ages, the three of them had eaten in peace. Sam had gone to school like every weekday morning and John had left the house some time later, saying he was going to job hunt. Dean was left to nap to his heart’s content in the sofa. He had felt particularly tired that morning and he had a notion it would only get worse the further he was into his pregnancy. There were so many things he needed to do and even more he just wanted to do, but it all would have to wait. He closed his eyes, letting himself be lulled by the soft wind that came through the window.

He was startled into wakefulness by a loud sound, that made him sit up promptly. The sound came again: the doorbell. Yawning, he looked at the watch on the wall and saw that it was ten minutes to ten. He frowned, but then a smile came to his face, thinking about Cas being so eager to see him again that he had arrived sooner than the hour they had agreed. It had never happened before. The doorbell rang again and he hurried to put on his slippers and go to the door. When he opened it, he had to stop himself from slamming it back shut.

"What are you doing here?" Dean asked instead. Michael, standing in his front door like he belonged there, like he was just a neighbor visiting, smiled softly at Dean.

"At last we meet properly, Dean. I've been looking forward to talking with you for weeks," Michael said in a friendly tone. "Aren't you going to let me in?"

"No and I'm not talking with someone like you, either," Dean said, his voice an ice cold that tried to contain how much he wanted to punch that guy in the face.

"That's very rude of you, Dean," Michael raised an eyebrow, his face that of a teacher scolding a misbehaving child. "I just want to talk."

"Okay. Let's talk. Stay away from my family and stay away from Cas," Dean said, making himself as tall as he could. "Talk done."

"I already knew you were a very impertinent girl, Dean, but don't think for a moment you can scare me," something cold glinted in Michael's eyes and it made Dean clutch the door even tighter.

"I'm not a girl, you son of a bitch!" Dean growled.

"Those bumps would say otherwise," Michael pointed out with an easy smile that quickly fell from his face when he went on talking. "I tolerated you because I thought you would set Castiel on the right path and then he would be able to find a nice girl to marry. I should have known you would be the cause of my brother and my sister’s departure."

"They left because you're an abusive bastard," Dean shouted at him. "Because you were supposed to take care of your family, not torture them."

"I gave up everything for them," Michael took a step forward and it took all of Dean's restraint not to flinch and step back. "They're just a bunch of..."

"Michael..." the barely whispered words startled both of them. Cas and Gabriel were standing on the sidewalk completely frozen looking at them.

"Well, well, well, look who's here," Michael turned to smile at them. Breaking the stupor, Cas practically ran to put himself between Dean and Michael. "Really, Castiel?"

"I... I won't let you hurt Dean," Cas said between his clenched teeth. Dean put his hand on Cas' arm, making him give way so Dean could stand beside him. "Dean?"

"Don't think I could take this clown?" Dean half laughed, faking a confidence he didn't feel. Cas was there and he couldn't let Cas be in danger's way. "I could be 8 months and have a gigantic belly and still it wouldn't be a problem."

"Your bravado is pathetic," Michael said. "And now, we're going to talk and you're going to agree to get away from my siblings' life and they," he stressed his words looking directly into Cas' eyes, "they are going to agree to come back home, where they belong."

"I... I... I'm home," Cas said, dropping his eyes to the floor, though his voice just grew stronger and stronger. "When we lived with you we were prisoners, but now I'm home. Gabriel, Anna, Raph, Dean and Sam are my family."

"And who's going to make sure you have something to eat? Gabriel?" Michael snorted, pointing at the man still standing in shock at his back. "You know him better than that. You know that as soon as he grows tired of playing family he will leave and it won't matter to him that you're his brother. He's done that before, hasn't he?"

"I was tired," Gabriel said at last, his voice so small they could barely hear the words. He walked toward them. "Lucifer had left."

"You think you're the only one who lamented what Lucifer did, brother?" Michael had suddenly grown tense, turned around to finally face Gabriel. "You think it didn't hurt me?"

"It was your fault he left!" Gabriel shouted at him.

"Lucifer?" Dean whispered to Cas.

"Second older brother," Cas whispered back with a nod. Dean had always wondered who the hell named their baby Castiel, but now he had the answer; the same people that named their kid Lucifer. In the meantime Michael had fallen silent, very silent. He was looking at Gabriel, like someone contemplates a cockroach while wondering which would be the most effective way to crush it. Gabriel was standing there, trying to look as nonchalant as he could, but his clenched fists and his grave expression betrayed him.

"My fault?" Michael smiled, a smile so cold it didn't reach his eyes. He stepped closer to Gabriel. "Care to explain how so?"

"You couldn't accept him for what he was. You couldn't love any of us as we were, but he..." Gabriel shook his head. "Don't get me wrong, he had his assholish moments too and if he were here I would make sure he knew too. But you tried to keep him on a chain, brother. You wanted him to play his part in your little perfect family ideal."

"You're getting into a dangerous path, Gabriel," Michael warned him.

"You wanted Anna to be a perfect little lady," Gabriel continued, his words giving him the courage to step closer to Michael. "You didn't want Cas to be autistic, you wanted me to stay put and do whatever you wanted."

"Brother, I warn you..." Michael took a step toward Gabriel, they were practically face to face, a mere inches between their feet.

"You wanted Raph to be a man," Gabriel made a dramatic pause, before unleashing what he had left to say. "You wanted Lucifer to act as if he wasn't in love with you."

The sound of something cracking as Michael punched Gabriel's face prompted them to action. Dean ran and tried to reach Michael and get him away from Gabriel, but before he could even get to touch him, Cas was there, gripping Michael tight and punching him so hard he fell to the lawn. Dean watched in shock as Cas' gasped and Michael seemed to not be moving.

"Wow," is all he could say. Cas who was always so quiet, who smiled as softly as he moved... who would have thought.

"He's just unconscious," Cas explained, walking towards Gabriel. "Are you okay?"

"I think a visit to the hospital is due. My nose hurts like a bitch," Gabriel said from behind his hands, where he was trying to stop the bleeding.

"I'll go pick up the car keys, just stay here for a second," Dean paused for a second. "What do we do with him?"

"He'll be out for a while," Cas said, sounding as if he was starting to feel sorry for what he had done.

"I guess we should at least take him to EM," Gabriel said. "Lucifer would kill me if I let him die like that."

"About that, were you serious?" Dean asked, too curious to keep his mouth shut. Cas turned to Gabriel, also looking at him with curiosity in his eyes.

"I never lie," Gabriel shrugged. "Maybe tell a half truth sometimes..."

"Wow," Dean snorted.

"That my older brothers fucked isn't even the most fucked up part of my family, Dean-o," Gabriel smirked at him. "Now go on, I can tell you more once I don't have half a face covered in blood."

Dean nodded and hurried inside the house to grab the keys and his phone. Once out, between Cas and Gabriel, they managed to fit Michael's unconscious body inside the back seat of his car and soon they were all ready to go.

***

  
  


After driving Cas and Gabriel back to their house, Dean was finally able to go back home and crash on the sofa like he had been wanting to do since hours ago. Without opening his eyes, he toed off his shoes and sprawled as far as the narrow sofa allowed him.

"We've had quite the day, right, little one?" He asked absentmindedly, his hand tracing circles on his bump. After rushing into the hospital and trying his best to stay away from the Novak family business, it was nice just lying and talking to his baby. He laughed softly. "Though it was pretty cool to see Cas punching that asshole face. You didn't think your daddy had it in him, did you?"

"Did have what in him?" Dean heard Sam saying, as he came in from the kitchen. He was frowning at him. "And who did he punch? Where were you?"

"Long story that can wait. I just came back from the hospital," Dean said and raised a finger when he heard Sam gasp. "Not for me. Your boyfriend got himself a broken nose."

"Gabriel?" Sam gasped and in second he was kneeling before him, his worried eyes glued to Dean's face. "What the hell happened?"

"You wound me, to think you were so worried about me," Dean sighed dramatically with a smirk. When Sam wouldn't buck, he turned to look at him. "He's fine, like I said, just a broken nose. Michael was here."

"Here?" Sam eyes shoot open. "Here, here?"

"Here in our front door," Dean nodded. "But I don't think he'll feel like getting close to us any time soon. He ended up quite worse."

"Cas?" Sam asked wrinkling his nose.

"Cas," Dean nodded, a proud smile slipping into his face. "My boyfriend is awesome like that."

"More like you've been a bad influence to him," Sam sighed and took his phone out as he got up and walked away. "I'm going to check on them."

"Whatever," Dean said and rolled back to a more comfortable position. He was going to fall asleep in that sofa, but he didn't mind. It was dark outside, but not late enough to go to sleep, not even late enough for John to be back home. He could rest a bit and think about what had happened in the time they had been in the hospital. He pressed his lips together, trying to keep his nerves on an even keel.

Dean had been sitting with Cas in the hospital hallway while a nurse fixed Gabriel's nose. They were silent, their hands joined on top of Dean's baby bump and Cas' head leaning on Dean's shoulder. Dean's finger run random patterns on the boy's hand and damn if they hadn’t missed being this close. This was hardly the moment, but Dean wanted nothing more than to tell Cas, to beg him not to leave. Suddenly, they both sat upright at the same time.

"You felt that?" Dean asked Cas, who promptly nodded. "Looks like the little one is finally saying hello."

"Yes," Cas nodded again ceremoniously, his eyes glued to Dean's belly. A soft smile sprung to his lips. "Hello to you too."

Dean laughed softly, not wanting to bother the people around them. It was good enough that they hadn't made them wait outside. Minutes later, Cas had leaned again against Dean and they had stayed like that in complete silence until finally the door to the infirmary open. Gabriel walked toward them with a plaster on his nose and a bright smile on his face, as if he hadn't just had his nose broken. Or maybe it was just the painkillers.

"Ready to get home?" Dean asked.

"Yep," Gabriel nodded, way less slurred than he would have expected. Well, at least it seemed they hadn't gave him the good stuff. "But first, first I need to talk to you."

"You need to get to bed, buddy," Dean laughed.

"He's right, Gabriel. This can wait," Cas added, but Gabriel quickly stopped him shaking his head.

"No, no. You," Gabriel pointed directly at Dean. "You're not gonna make my little baby bro cry if I can help it. So, yeah, maybe we should go home. But you come with us."

Cas turned to look at Dean's face, waiting for his answer. Dean felt tired and wanted nothing more than to go back home and sleep for a year, but Gabriel's words... he had been an idiot, Cas needed him and, though he would rather be tortured than say it, Sam had been right: he needed Cas. In any case, even if Gabriel just wanted to be an asshole with him, it wouldn't hurt to spend a few more hours with Cas, especially if it was in a place with some kind of soft surface he could rest on. He squeezed a bit Cas' hand.

"Okay, I'll go," Dean said and the three of them walked toward the car, Gabriel taking Cas' other hand not to wander into a wall or something. And now, several hours later, Dean was finally home vaguely hearing Sam speaking on the phone in the kitchen. Sam was speaking too softly for Dean to understand any words. He must have drifted at some point, because, suddenly, he opened his eyes and Sam was sitting next to him, his posture completely rigid.

"I've spoken with Gabriel," Sam said, his hands clasped on his lap.

"I guessed that much," Dean grumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Dean, he's told me," Sam insisted, knowing Dean would just avoid the topic unless directly asked. "I know he's offered for you to go to California with him and Cas."

"So?" Dean shrugged as much as he could from his position.

"So? That's all you have to say?" Sam asked him, getting exasperated by the minute.

"What more do you want me to say?"

"I don't know, like, do you want to go? What will you do if you stay? Something, anything!" Sam had stood up and was waving his hand as he spoke. "You act like nothing bothers you, but this is your life we're talking about!"

"There's nothing to think about," Dean cut him. "I can't go."

"Can't or won't?" Sam huffed, but Dean just turned to lie on his back. "Gabriel told me you would live with him and Cas, that you’d have help in taking care of the baby. I can't see how you can't just go with them."

"So you want me to leave?" Dean scoffed, but didn't turn away. This was not a conversation he wanted to be having in that moment, when his brain was barely keeping him awake.

"Of course not! But..."

"Then that settles that. I can't go," Dean repeated. "My work is here and my family is here."

"And Cas?" Sam asked, his voice turning small. Dean's breath caught at the words and shook his head. He stood up and started to walk toward his room.

"It's late and I'm tired. Goodnight, Sammy." Dean was gone before Sam could say a word. He stood there for a few more minutes, his heart beating faster than he ever remembered. Gabriel's offer was so generous, nearly too good to be true for someone who didn't know him. But Dean was right in one thing: his whole life was in Sioux Falls. Sam was in Sioux Falls. He sighed and let himself fall on the sofa, his fingers running over the phone's keys before he could think about it. Barely a few seconds after he had sent the first message, he felt the buzz of his phone. Sam smiled, forgetting for a second everything else.


	17. Chapter 17

Cas’ face fell when he heard the words. Dean tried to ignore the tears that were welling up in Cas’ eyes, but it was too difficult when they started to roll down his face, so he just stared at the carpet under their feet. It was probably the first time Dean looked away from Cas’ eyes and not the other way around.

"It's not that... I do want to be with you, Cas," Dean said, trying his best to grasp the right words. "I'm not going to pretend not to. I just... I can't."

"Sam?" Cas choked out among his tears.

"Yes, but not only that..." Dean breathed deeply. "There’s my dad too, and then there's everything else. All my life is here, I can't just up and go and leave everything behind."

Cas nodded slowly, but the tears didn't stop. He just tried to rub them off, but more came. Dean raised a hand and let it hang over Cas shoulders, just a second until Cas burrowed under it and pressed himself against Dean, letting the tears fall on his shoulder. He gasped and moaned and Dean could see that he was trying his best to stop, that he wanted to talk to him. Dean just held him there, his thumb rubbing patterns on Cas' shoulder to try and help him calm down, but letting him know it was okay to take as much time as he needed. After a few minutes, Cas breath seemed to slow down.

"I can't stay," Cas said, shaking his head against Dean's shoulder. There was no need to say anything more: Michael, dropping out of school, the possibility to recover his family. Cas had every reason in the world to leave.

"I know, I'm not blaming you," Dean said.

"I can't be away from you, either," Cas stopped him. "How can I be so far knowing you and our child are here?"

"I'm not saying we'll be away forever," Dean reassured him. "I need to be here to make sure dad gets better and he and Sam don’t murder each other. Here there are people who will help me with the little one until I get the hang of it. But it won't be like that forever."

"You'll still have to leave your family behind, even if the day comes when you feel they don't need you," Cas muttered. "There will always be reasons to stay, reasons I can't compete with."

"That's absurd," Dean snorted. "We'll be together. Things will settle down here and I'll move with you or you'll find an awesome job around here and we'll move together. Or something. Anything," Dean took another deep breath. "This will be temporary."

"I don't want it to be temporary. I don't want it to be even a thing," Cas insisted, his hands grabbing Dean's shirt. "I hate to think about going away, but if at least you came with me..."

"Cas," Dean interrupted him, taking his hands away from their pray and softly into his own.

"What if Michael comes to find you?" Cas asked.

"I'll kick his ass or my dad will kick his ass if I can't," Dean told him. "Cas, do you want to stay?"

"Do you want to leave?" Cas asked. The silence hung between them until Cas just shrugged. "There's no point in asking. I must go with my brother."

"And I must stay with mine," Dean sighed, prying him closer and resting his forehead on Cas'. It was Cas who closed the distance and pulled him in a soft kiss. They had no hurry, nowhere to be just yet, the morning was theirs to enjoy as they wanted. One kiss lead to another and another and another.

***

  
  


"Dean!" John called him as soon as he came home. Dean had been in the kitchen, flipping burgers for dinner and raised an eyebrow when he heard John.

"In the kitchen! Something wrong?" Dean asked as he turned off the stove, taking the burgers out of the pan one by one. He heard the steps heading toward the kitchen and he couldn't help but tense a little. Dean was fairly sure he hadn't done anything wrong: that morning he had driven Sam to school, who had told him he would spend the rest of the day with Jess; then he had gone to Cas' and spent the rest of the day with him. Had he forgotten something?

"Is there something you want to tell me?" John said as he sat in one of the stools they kept in the small kitchen. Dean turned to face him.

"About what?" Dean was frowning, trying his best to think what his father meant.

"Bobby told me you were thinking about moving to California with your... friend," John gulped.

"Oh, that?" Dean tried to sound casual, but he had to turn and start cutting tomatoes so John couldn't see his face. "You don't have to worry about that, I'm not leaving."

"Why?" John asked and his level tone, the sincere way he spoke, made Dean stop the knife midair. "He's leaving, right?"

"Yes," Dean sighed. "But I won't, I can't leave my family behind, can I?"

"You want to be with him, don't you?" John asked and at that Dean had to turn to look at him, because it was not possible that his dad was saying those words. "You should go with him."

"And what about you and Sam? Would you two be fine without me?" Dean practically mutter.

"Dean, I know I haven't behaved like such in a long time, but I'm a grown man, I know how to take care of myself. And Sam is smarter than the both of us together. We'll be fine."

"I... I don't know what I'll do," Dean stuttered, his eyes falling to his lap. "I have my whole life here."

"You'll find a job. Bobby said he would help and you're good at what you do, believe me. The guys at the garage have a very high opinion of your work. You could even think about going to college," John smiled at him. "You could do everything you wanted."

"Dad..." Dean protested. It was one thing talking and another actually doing it. There were so many things to think about and he just wasn't the brightest bulb in box. Finding a new job would be hard enough; college was something he had never even dared to think about.

"No. Dean, you're smart and one of my biggest regrets is ever making you believe you weren't," John sighed. "I mean, you don't have to. But if it's something you want to do, you should."

"I think it's a safer bet to save it all for Sammy," Dean half laughed, shaking his head and turning to go back to work. But he couldn't help thinking about the possibility: he and Cas together with their baby, the both of them learning new things, making new friends and building their new life together.

"At least tell me you'll think about it," John said. Dean heard him stand up, John’s eyes not leaving him for a moment. Dean let his shoulders slump.

"I'll think about it," Dean said and in that moment they heard the front door opening and Sam coming inside the house and straight to the kitchen, a smile bright on his face as soon as he had smelled the burgers. Dean smiled back at him and felt how his heart was torn in two. He wanted to make Cas happy. He wanted to make Sam happy. Dean did not fool himself, he knew he needed them both in his life, even more than any of them needed him. Suppressing a sigh, he asked Sam to go set the table while he finished setting the burgers.

They spent the rest of the night watching TV together, not really minding what was on but enjoying the time they could spend together again. Not long after John went to bed, Dean started to yawn too and stood up before he accidentally fell asleep in the sofa. His back hurt enough without it. Sam turned the TV off and followed him, not stopping when they walked past his room. Dean just let him follow him to his own room and sat on his chair while he sat on the bed. They stayed like that in silence until Sam started to speak.

"I'm sorry," Sam said and Dean looked at him surprised. "I shouldn't have lashed out at you. I know this is a difficult decision for you."

"It's okay," Dean said.

"No, it's not," Sam shook his head slightly. "I want you to stay, because I can't imagine what it would be living without you. But I can't make you stay knowing that that means you and Cas won't be together. I want you two to be happy."

"Thanks for the non-confusing advice," Dean snorted.

"Shut up, jerk, I'm trying to make a point," Sam protested with a half-smile on his face. "I wanted to tell you that... well, it won't be easy, but I will be fine even if you go. And I'm sure it will be terrible for Cas if you stay, but he's tough, you know that. He'll get used to it."

"Your point being?"

"That you have to do whatever makes you most happy," Sam said very seriously. "It's not a crime to look out for yourself, you know?"

"I know," Dean nodded. "And I've already decided."

"Have you really?" Sam asked. "Because I don't see any suitcase."

"It's my decision. And it's not forever, once everything is settled I'll move with Cas, but..."

"You don't have to stay to take care of me and dad!" Sam said exasperated.

"I know!" Dean shouted back. "But I want to. I want to stay and spend time with you two as a family. I want to stay and make sure you two get along. And I want to stay I take care of my child in this house until I'm sure I know how to do it on my own."

"Dean..."

"I'd like Cas to be here with me and do all those things with me, yes. But this is not a perfect world," Dean said. "That's my decision."

Sam was speechless, just sitting there and looking at him. Dean was trying to think something funny to say and break the tension, but suddenly Sam went to him and wrapped him in a hug. Dean made him sit in the bed so he could hug him back properly. After a few seconds, Sam snorted.

"Did the baby just kicked?" Sam asked.

"Yeah, the little one does that all the time lately as soon as there is someone close," Dean muttered, but Sam started to laugh and hugged him tighter. "Come on, let me breath. You've had your moment, now let's go to sleep. You have school tomorrow."

***

  
  


A week later, Sam and Dean left their house and walked under the sunny sky toward the apartment where the Novak family had been staying. They both walked in silence, the only sound in the early morning came from the birds singing. Dean frowned, it all felt so wrong. It felt just like any other morning, but the hollow place in his stomach, the feeling of being on the verge of being sick, told him otherwise. He couldn't believe the week had gone by so fast.

"You okay, Dean?" Sam asked when he saw Dean lowering his head as they walk. "We can still go and pick up the car."

"I'm fine," Dean grunted and they went on walking. They were around the corner when they started to hear their voices.

"It's not going to fit," that was Anna.

"It's okay, I can mail you all the things you can't carry now," assured her a deep womanly voice: Raphaelle.

"Nonsense, I planned everything perfectly. It will fit. Just let me," another voice complained. Despite himself, Sam smiled: Gabriel. Now they saw the car parked in front of the building door, the four siblings around it with several bags and packages. Dean stopped as soon as he saw that, as if he had been petrified. It was real, this was happening.

"Dean!" Cas voice took him out of his stupor. He was practically running toward him.

"Oh, Dean-o! I thought you would chicken out at the end," Gabriel said from where he was pushing something inside the car. Dean ignored him in favor of taking Cas in his arms and crush him against himself as much as his belly allowed. Sam smiled and walked toward Gabriel, leaving the two of them more or less alone at the end of the street. Cas buried his head on Dean's neck and inhaled, taking in everything Dean: how he felt, how he smelled... they kissed, committing to memory how they tasted. And then they looked at each other's eyes.

"I don't know what to say," Cas said, his finger stroking Dean's jaw.

"Yeah. Me too," Dean laughed, but it was short lived. "Cas..."

"This is not goodbye," Cas said firmly, both his hands on Dean's face.

"This is not goodbye," Dean repeated. "You better learn how to manage a fucking computer because I'm going to see you every day, okay?"

"Will you learn too?" Cas laughed and Dean couldn't help doing the same. "I will, I promise."

"And call me. Whenever. Seriously, I won't have anything to do until the baby is born and I'm going to be bored out of my mind," Dean kissed him out of the blue and Cas pulled him against him to deepen the kiss. "And... don't cry too much, okay?"

"I can't promise you that Dean," Cas sighed, letting his forehead rest on Dean's. "I'm going to miss you."

"Me too."

***

  
  


"You must hate me right now, eh?" Gabriel said casually as he finally managed to push the package among the rest of their bags.

"I'm going to miss you too much to hate you right now," Sam said, leaning against the car with his hands on his pockets.

"Is that so?" Gabriel smirked at him. "I think I'm going to miss you too, kiddo."

"You better take care of Cas," Sam said. "I'm sure Dean will tell you himself, but if something happens to him..."

"You will personally kick my ass?" Gabriel snorted. He grew more serious when he saw Sam eyes on him. "I know I've failed them before, but I like to think this is my chance to, well, 'redeem' myself. Also, my business partner will kick my ass for you if I let something happen to him or Anna, but that's mostly because it's a hobby of hers."

"Good to know," Sam smiled. He got closer to Gabriel and whispered to him, "Can I tell you something?"

"Go on, kiddo."

"This is only temporary," Sam said with a smile.

"Now you're doing that on purpose. Talk."

"When I finish high school I'll go to Stanford."

"Is that so? You're quite confident."

"I'm going to work my ass off to make it happen," Sam raised an eyebrow at him.

"Then I guess in a couple of years you'll be interested in a place to stay in Palo Alto. Maybe I'll be able to help you with that."

"You better," Sam grinned at him. Despite himself, Gabriel smiled back at him.

A few minutes later the trunk of the car was closed with all their belongings they could manage to get inside and Raphaelle had promised to send all that was left in the house before she left to go back to the house. The three Novak siblings got inside the car and left. Sam and Dean waited there, standing on the sidewalk of a dirty street in Sioux Falls until they could no longer see the car. Finally, they turned around and walked in silence back to their house.


	18. Chapter 18

The sun came through the windows, hitting his face. He hadn't bothered with drawing the curtains when he had gone to bed and he wasn't about to get up to close them now. Michael's head had stopped hurting a few days after waking up alone in the hospital, but his pride would take much longer than that to heal. He felt hungry, but he couldn't bare walking through the big house, knowing it was empty and would probably be always empty. Eventually, like every other sensation, it dulled.

He heard someone at the door, turning loudly their key to open it, but he didn't even flinch. He had thought he had heard the door opening before too. Steps went through the hall and toward the stairs, not pausing for a second, and walking directly toward his room. When Michael saw the door opening he tried not to laugh, but it was hard not to.

"I've finally lost my head, haven’t I?" Michael asked his visitor. "You, of all people, you wouldn't come back to me."

"Shut up, brother. I never hoped there would come a day I'd see you in such a pathetic state," Lucifer snorted, but he didn't stop until he was sitting at his bed. His hand went straight to Michael's forehead, sighing when it didn't feel too hot.

"They're all gone," Michael shook the hand out of his head. "After all I've done... I gave everything up for them, I took care of them. And this is how they repay me, with betrayal."

"You need to stop being such a drama queen, Mickey," Lucifer laughed. "You fucked up your life trying to continue the 'work' of our shitty dad. That's not the brats’ fault."

"Have you come to torment me? That would be typical of you," Michael said.

"Always slow to catch up," Lucifer sighed, putting his hand on top of Michael's head again. "I'm here to take care of you."

"You?" Michael snorted. "Very funny."

"I'm serious," Lucifer said, slowly running his fingers through Michael's short hair. "I'm a doctor, remember? And I do still love you."

"We'll end up killing each other, you know that. It's like it's our destiny," Michael sighed, but leant into the touch.

"Maybe," Lucifer said. "But this time it will be different."

"What? How? Going with you to some place no one knows we're brothers to have our happy ending?" Michael laughed. "Do you really believe that?"

"I'm not giving you the choice, Michael. We're selling this house and you're coming with me."

"And if I refuse?"

"I'm not going to let you starve on your own misery," Lucifer huffed, softly slapping his face before starting tracing it with his finger. "You're coming with me."

"Sure," Michael laughed again.

"And you're going to eat now," Lucifer got up and went to the kitchen before Michael had the chance to say a word. There was nothing fresh in the house, but he managed to put together some toast and cheese. He pulled out his phone and after fumbling through his contact list, he pushed the call button.

"Hey, bro, how's Mickey faring?" Gabriel voice greeted him on the speaker. Lucifer smiled despite himself.

"He looks like shit, but he'll survive," Lucifer snorted. "You guys okay?"

"Eh, yeah, we're fine," Gabriel said but there was a hint of something in his voice. "So, what are your plans?"

"Feed him something and take him out of here as soon as I can," Lucifer said. "This house was never good for any of us."

"No, it wasn't," Gabriel sighed. "So, you're not going to stay in town, right? Do you think you'll leave within the day?"

"Yes, I don't intend to be here a second longer than it takes to get Michael's sorry ass into my car," Lucifer said, his eyebrow lifting. He knew Gabriel way too well. "What is going on?"

"Look, we probably won't be in town until tomorrow, so you don't have to even think about this, okay?" Gabriel said, a tinge of worry glued to his tone. "We're in a motel, getting ready to leave for today and Cas is going back to Sioux Falls. He had a change of heart."

"Is that so?" Lucifer asked, his knuckles getting white from gripping the phone so tight.

"Lucifer, please," Gabriel outright begged. "Just... let this one go."

"You're lucky tomorrow I have to be back in the hospital," Lucifer sentenced. "But make sure that Castiel knows better than to ever cross paths with me."

"He was just protecting his boyfriend," Gabriel sighed, knowing it was a lost fight.

"He hurt my brother," Lucifer hissed.

"Bye, Lucy," Gabriel sighed and he didn't even wait for him to say goodbye before hanging up. Gabriel was a curious little creature, capable of avoiding either of them for years for fear of confrontation, but still calling him, the only one of them who had severed all the ties with their siblings, when Michael needed help. He put the phone back into his pocket and took the food upstairs.

***

 

"Are you going to be okay on your own?" Sam asked Dean, who as soon as they had ate breakfast had plopped on the sofa.

"Dude, I'm just tired, I'll get shit done after I have a nap," Dean groaned. "Just go, make your daddy proud."

"You know what I mean, you jerk," Sam said looking at the ceiling in exasperation. "Cas just left yesterday, I can skip a class or two."

"Don't use Cas as an excuse to be lazy," Dean said, closing his eyes and burying his face further into the pillow. "Go to school, seriously. I can't have you flunking now."

Sam snorted, but went back to his room to pick up his backpack. On his way back to the door, he peered inside the living room.

"Have your phone close in case you need anything, okay?"

"And what would you do?" Dean laughed from behind the pillow.

"Not me, you idiot; Bobby or Dad," Sam huffed. "I'm leaving."

"Bye!" Dean waved from his position in the sofa and not a second later he heard the front door closing. Dean groaned as he turned to get a better position on the sofa. At least the house was finally quiet: Sam would be all morning in school and dad would be all day at Bobby's garage, thanks to him being kind enough to let John stand in for Dean until he could go back to work. Dean could nap to his heart’s content, which lately was a lot. Before he was pregnant, he hadn't had much use for sleep, especially not after finally being able to ditch all the meds he had taken during his teenage years. Even now, he stirred thinking of all the things he could be doing instead of just laying around. It was frustrating, but he knew better than to chase that train of thought. After turning one way and other a couple of times, he finally found the position and slowly drifted off.

He was jerked away from sleep by something moving rapidly on his leg. Alarmed, he turned to see what it was... his phone. Swearing out loud, he took the phone and quickly pressed the green button when he saw Cas name on the screen.

"Hey, baby, how's it going?" Dean muttered as clearly as he could before letting out a yawn. There wasn't any background noise and it made Dean suspicious. He looked at his clock and, yes, they should be on the road by now if they wanted to make it to California any time of the day.

"Dean," Cas sighed on the speaker. Dean could tell that he was smiling. "Open your door."

"What?" Dean groaned. "Cas, are you okay?"

"Just go open your door," Cas repeated. Dean's brain was completely white, not a single thought could be formed. Still in his pajamas and without even bothering to put his slippers on, he rushed to open the front door. There he was, Cas, standing on the sidewalk in front of his door, with a couple of bags at his feet, his trench coat on and his phone still on his ear. Cas was giving Dean his brightest smile and Dean couldn't move from where he was standing.

"Am I dreaming?" Dean asked.

"No, Dean, I'm really here," Cas replied. "I'm going to hang up, that's okay?"

"Yeah, okay." They both hung up at the same time and put their phones back into their pockets. Dean reached with his hand to touch Cas' face, his hair, to pull him closer and closer until he had his arms around him.

"What the hell are you doing here, man?" Dean laughed, getting him as close as he could.

"I came back," Cas explained. "We were half way to California, so I took a bus and came back."

"And why would you do something like that?" Dean could feel the tears running down his face, but he didn't acknowledge them, just pulled Cas even closer so there wasn't any space between them. "You were going with your siblings..."

"That can wait," Cas said. "Getting away, learning how to do a job... all that can wait. But now I know that you and our child can't."

"Cas..." Dean said. "You don't have to..."

"I know. But I want to," Cas said. "You're the most important person to me, Dean. I want to stay with you."

"It could be a year or even two before we're ready to move away, you know? It's... it's a long time," Dean tried to argue, but there wasn't much fight left in his voice. He couldn't deny how happy he was that Cas had come back.

"I know, I don't care," Cas said. He pushed him away a bit, just enough so they could face each other. "We're doing this together."

Dean nodded a big smile growing on his face. Like one, they moved to kiss each other and then kiss again and again.


	19. Epilogue

Dean woke up groaning to clammy skin and the sun already getting into the room. At times like this he wondered why he had thought that moving to California had been a good idea. He felt the space on the bed beside him; it was warm, but empty.

"Cas?" He muttered, hoping Cas was still close enough that he wouldn't have to move.

"Here," Cas whispered, barely loud enough to be heard on the silent room.

Dean looked up and saw Cas sitting in the chair they had managed to fit in their small room, little Mary in his arms drinking happily from her bottle. Dean smiled: this was a sight worth waking up sweating for. "I didn't hear her cry."

"She didn't, I was awake when she started getting hungry," Cas said. "I couldn't sleep and wanted to make sure she wasn't too hot or too cold and then she woke up."

"Thanks, baby," Dean yawned and move to sit at the side of the bed closer to them. Mary looked at him, but went on drinking her milk with a completely deadpan expression. She may have gotten Dean's blond hair and green eyes, but her face was so much like Cas' down to expressions like this one. Dean smiled at her and waited patiently until she was finished. As soon as Cas took the bottle from her, she was reaching out for Dean with her little hands.

"Da', da'," she babbled. Lately she used any opportunity she had to talk as much as she could and they were sure she would be talking clearly much sooner than they had expected. Time had flown by since Dean packed up with his five month old daughter and his boyfriend and got, much to his chagrin, on a plane to California.

"Good morning, princess," Dean said picking her up and sitting her on her lap. "Today uncle Sammy is coming, are you happy to see him?"

"'Ammy, 'Ammy!" She was bouncing excitedly and both of them laughed.

"I'll take that as a yes," Dean yawned again. "Come on, dad needs his coffee."

"And daddy too," agreed Cas. As soon as they were out of the room, they were hit by the smell of coffee and everything sweet one could have for breakfast. Gabriel was already working on the kitchen, humming to himself as he danced from the pan to slice something on the counter and back again. Mary started to struggle on Dean's arms until he finally let her on the floor as close to Gabriel as he could manage.

"'Ucleee!" her high pitch shout made Gabriel turn fast, with his arms already open to catch her.

"Hey, little bug!" Gabriel hugged her as he turned to turn off the stove.

"'Ammy come!" Mary said, bouncing her little body in excitement. Gabriel smiled at her and nodded, walking to where her high chair was already put close to the big table. Dean and Cas where taking the various plates to the table and they both grinned at each other.

"Bet you're happy, eh Gabriel?" Dean teased.

"As if," he snorted, turning away to busy himself with cutting the fruit he had left half done. "One more mouth to feed and less space in my house. But, you know, whatever for my little bros."

"Sure," Dean laughed.

"Sam is already old enough to make his own decisions," said Cas. "You could make your feelings known now."

"And he's ace, so it's not like you're going to sleep with him and ditch him," Dean said as he prepared Mary's baby food. "I would hate to have to kill you."

"Sure you would," Gabriel laughed. "Now go up to call Anna, everything is ready."

Cas nodded and left Dean to fight with Mary to get a bit of food into her. He walked outside the house and up the stairs. It was a small building: a first floor for his coffee shop and two tiny apartments upstairs. But in some streak of dumb luck Gabriel had come to own it all. They lived downstairs with Gabriel and Anna lived alone upstairs, but not for long. A room had already been cleared there for Sam.

“Morning,” Anna's sleepy voice came through the door as she dragged her feet to the table. She started to sip on her coffee while Cas helped Dean finish feeding Mary.

“Ready to go greet your new housemate?” Gabriel teased, digging into his pile of pancakes. Anna made a non-committal noise while she ate, nodding softly before turning to look at him with her eyes wide open.

“It is today! I had completely forgotten,” Anna blurted out and starting eating much faster than she had been.

“There's still time,” Dean chuckled.

“I know, but there are still boxes lying around in the apartment...” Anna managed to say before just picking up her cup of coffee and walking back through the door, muttering something about having procrastinated that for way too long. As soon as Gabriel was done with his breakfast, he stood up too.

“I'll go help Anna, don't want Sam to find the place mess when he arrives,” Gabriel chuckled and walked out of the apartment door.

“You're happy, aren't you?” Cas asked with a small smile. “More than usual.”

“I'm sure I'll regret it by tomorrow... but I've missed having Sammy under our roof,” Dean sighed, not able to hide the smile that was growing in his face.

“I've missed him too,” Cas said. “I hope he likes it here, he's worked to hard to get accepted into Stanford...”

“Sam is pretty low maintenance, as long as he has a place to sleep he'll be fine” Dean chuckled. “He'll spend most of the time in the library, anyway, like the little nerd he is.”

“I think it's going to be fun,” Cas said. “All of us together again.”

“Well,” Dean smiled at him. “The family all together between four walls, what could go wrong?”

Cas smiled back at him and it melt Dean's heart a bit. Things hadn't been easy since Mary was born and adapting to their new life in Palo Alto had been hard for all of them, but it had been so worth it. Dean could see how happy Cas was, always smiling and always planning new recipes to try for the coffee shop. Dean himself couldn't believe he had found his place so far away from South Dakota; he had even started looking at courses in the local community college. The only thing that had been missing in his life was Sam.

“It's gonna be awesome,” Dean said with a smile.


End file.
